GGary
Are you ready to battle, Ass?
AAsh
[growls] My name is Ash! Pikachu, I choose you! [echoes Pikachu, I choose you! You! You! You!]
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[Charizard roars]
AAsh
Go get 'em, Pikachu!
PPikachu
Pikachu. [Subtitle: Douche]
VVoices
Braaains...braiiins...
MMan
Are you radioactive zombie mutants, or survivors, thanking the only thing that's kept you alive?
VVoices
[after a pause] Zombies.
MMan
Okay.
VVoices
Didn't feel right to lie to you.
ETE.T.'s Mom
He said he would phone me but he hasn't phoned. He knows how I worry.
LLeonardo
Oh, no! I just cowabunga'd in my pants!
RRaphael
Barfaroonie! I hope you're wearing adult undergarments!
LLeonardo
It depends!
MMichelangelo
Dudes, where's Splinter?
[Splinter is using his cane to lift a nurse's skirt]
NNurse
Um, what are you doing?
SSplinter
Looking for Shredder. No, not here. [smiles]
EPElmer Phudd
I'm takin' you to school, call me the professor
You're sexually confused, 'cause you a cross-dresser.
You like to kiss men, that's real funny.
Call up Hugh Hefner, you a gay-boy bunny.
You're lost on this stage. You need a map jerky.
You made a wrong left turn on Albuquerque.
I'm a pimp because my hunting apparel's hot son.
It was wiped by on your ho with my double barrel shotgun. [shoots at B Rabbit with his double barrel shotgun]
DDDaffy Duck
Now hold on a second, mac! It's not rabbit hunting season yet! See? [points at the sign that says "Wabbit Season (Not Yet)"] Okay! [gives the mic to B Rabbit] Your turn, B Rabbit!
BRB Rabbit
Yo, er, heh-heh, er, yo... [hears from the audience] Heh-heh-heh-heh [finally comes up with something] Yeah, yeah!
[Singing] I know that you call me wascawwy wabbit.
Say your R's like W's that's a really bad habit.
It's room, not woom. Trees, not twees.
You replace so many R's, I thought you was Chinese.
You're so stuck on yourself, I'll call you Elmer's glue.
I got you some coffee, one lump or two?
EPElmer Phudd
Two?
BRB Rabbit
[hits Elmer on the head twice with a mallet] I only dress like a girl, to prove that you're gay.
Would you like a kiss handsome?
EPElmer Phudd
Really? OK!
BRB Rabbit
Elmer packs "fudd". You heard what I said.
He's so bald, I'll put a "hare" on his head. [sits on Phudd's head]
I'll sit down on your head. Just like I was a thinker. Hmm.
[farts while sitting down on his head] Ain't I a asshole?
DDaffy
Holy Toledo! B-Rabbit wins! B-Rabbit wins!
EPElmer Phudd
[sobs] I'm a disgrace!
DDr. Dre
Yo, B-Rabbit. It's me, Dr. Dre.
BRB Rabbit
Eh...What's up, Doc?
DDr. Dre
Ain't nothing but a 'G' thing baby. I'd like to offer you a record deal. You're gonna go down in history as the first gray MC.
[The Looney Tunes circles zoom in on Porky Pig. The words "That's all Bitches!" appear in front]
DBDJ Bacon Bits
Eh, blee-blee...That's all bitches!
Harry, I'm scared!
You're always scared, you chicken [bleep]!
I can't help it! I'm a scared, pimple-faced, red-headed, chicken [bleep] virgin!
What are we going to do?
Let’s ask Hagrid for help.
Don't be ridiculous, Hermione. We need to confront the terrible horror ourselves and potentially end up hospitalized, like always.
Professor Snape, Harry and Ron were cursed by the monster Pubertus.
SSnape
Pubertus eh? Let's discuss this further in my magical jacuzzi. Barry Whitus, Candle Lightus. Girl Excitus! So...shall we play "Put the Sorting Hat on the Slytherin?"
Pedophilius Repellus!
DMDraco Malfoy
Look Potter, I taught the Sorting Hat a new trick. [places it onto Harry Potter's head]
SHSorting Hat
Virgin.
[Students laugh]
MMalfoy
Looks like Potter is "He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Laid." Heheh. Guess the monster Pubertus hasn't quite caught up with you yet, huh?
Ugh, Pubertus is just a myth, Malfoy!
[Malfoy places the hat on Hermione's Head]
SHSorting Hat
Second base!
[Students gasp]
LLLaugh-a-Lot Bear
I'm Lots-a-Laughs Bear. and I've gathered y'all here today for a special, happy celebration. [Laughs so hardly]
CBCare Bear Raccoon
If it's a special, happy celebration. then why am I crapping a load in my drawers?
[Laugh-a-Lot Bear unveils a cannon which she fires at the care bear animals, killing them all and destroying part of the front hotel.]
LLLove-a-Lot Bear
We did it!! We killed all the Care Bear cousins!
ACAll Care Bears
Hooray for murder!
LLLove-a-Lot Bear
Now let us celebrate our genocide! Get your party on!
CBCheer Bear
Whooo!!! Everyone eat some rainbow!
GBGrams Bear
Mmmm...that's good rainbow. [sky darkens and lightning flashes] Jesus [bleep]ing Christ! It's the great Cloud Keeper in the sky!
CKCloud Keeper
Care Bears! I have watched your actions with great displeasure!
LLLove-a-Lot Bear
But, we purified the land of Care-a-Lot!
CKCloud Keeper
For your dark and terrible deeds, I shall turn Care-a-Lot into a dark and terrible place. A hell on Earth; I shall turn Care-a-Lot into... [lightning] ...New Jersey!
[Transformation begins care bears started screaming, rainstorm, and cuts to a mayors desk]
JCJohn Crozine
Hello. I'm New Jersey's Governor John Corzine. I hope you've enjoyed this reenactment of our state's proud history: The Garden State. [eats some rainbow] Come get in on some of this rainbow.
[Waving goodbye to Elliot]
ETE.T.
Be good.
EElliot
Good-goodbye, E.T.
ETE.T.
[arriving his home planet] E.T. home!
A1Alien #1
Oh my God! Look everyone, that retard we ditched on Earth somehow found his way home!
ETE.T.
E.T. phoned home.
A2Alien #2
What the hell are you calling yourself "E.T." for, spaz? Your name is Kleeborp. Kleeborp the retard!
A3Alien #3
Yeah, Kleeborp the retard with only one glowing finger.
A1Aliens #1, #2, #3
Ha, Ha! [shows all glowing fingers]
[E.T. gives them his glowing middle finger]
A1Alien #1
Oh, now you're [bleep]ing dead. [the aliens grab E.T. who screams like a girl] And next time, stay lost, loser!!!
ETE.T.
[Looks at Xenomorph from Alien] Friend.
LGLittle Girl
[singing] Doo doo doo la la doo doo doo! [sees Pegasus with foot caught in a bear trap and gasps] Horsey!
PPegasus
Oh, thank goodness you found me. Little girl, please set me free!
LGLittle Girl
Don't move! I'll be back! [leaves]
PPegasus
[looks at his caught foot. Then she returns with a pair of hedge clippers] Oh, I thought you were getting help. Oh, [chuckles] those will not cut through the tra- [but the little Girl uses hedge clippers to slice off Pegasus' wings] AAAAAAAAOOOOOOWW!!!! AAAOOOOOOOW!!!! OHHH! OOHH! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?! OHH!!!
LGLittle Girl
[puts pail full of food on Pegasus' head] Here, eat these magic healing oats.
PPegasus
[in pain] Okay! [eats oats] They smell kinda' funny, uh, did you drug me? [faints in the side effects of the drugs]
[Then the little girl gets a bucket of pink paint, and begins painting Pegasus with it. Later, Pegasus wakes up in a farm, painted like a My Little Pony horse]
LGLittle Girl
There! Don't you look pretty?
PPegasus
[in shock] I'm in a catastrophic amount of pain!
LGLittle Girl
Oh, Sunny Muffins, you're my BESTEST FRIEND!
PPegasus
My name is Pegasus! [the little girl whips him] OW!
LGLittle Girl
Sunny Muffins! [whip!]
PPegasus
OW! Pegasus!
LGLittle Girl
Your name is [whip!] SUNNY MUFFINS!
PPegasus
It's Pegasus! [whip!] OW! Oh, Go-God! [whip!] Why?!?
LGLittle Girl
Sunny Muffins! [whip!] SAY IT!
PPegasus
You bitch!
LGLittle Girl
C'mon, [whip!] say it, say your name, what's your [whip!] name?!?
PPegasus
[bursting in tears] Sunny Muffins!
LGLittle Girl
What's your name?
PPegasus
My name i-is Sunny Muffins!
LGLittle Girl
I love you! [kisses Pegasus, and leaves laughing] Ha, Sunny Muffins!
PPegasus
[still crying, looks besides him] Who are you?
GGriffin
[with chopped off wings and also painted appears] Honeyflake, apparently.
FFFast-food Worker
[practicing to himself at a drive-through window] Would you like fries with that? Would you like fries with that? Would you like fries with that? [car pulls up] Uh, excuse me! Would you like flies with that? [realizing his mistake] Ahhhh dammit! Dammit!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Robot Chicken pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.