TV show quotes
With Skynet online, Gadget is under my complete control! And I'll use him to wipe out my true nemesis - that meddlesome twelve-year-old niece of his! [laughs: the phone rings he answers it] Hello? Yes. This is Dr. Claw. Well uh... the tests explain all of his diarrhea? Well, no. The meds don't seem to... Oh, dear. Feline leukemia? How long does he have?
Brain, that's still Uncle Gadget. We need to remember that deep down inside [Gadget appears in front of their car] Aggh! Ram that son of a bitch!!
[on the USS Enterprise Scotty arrives at the bridge in USS Enterprise] Report, Mr. Scott.
Captain, somebody traded all of the dilithium crystals for pornographic holograms!
And?
With no power, all life support on the ship is about to fail.
And?
Our only hope is to beam down to the nearest planet, but there is only enough power to send five people. I can't do no more!
Captain, logic dictates that each of the 433 crew members.
Hey! Where did Kirk go? [camera scene changes to the same bridge scene without James Kirk] Oh, no. He didn't.
[while deciding who gets to beam off the ship]
Uh, I have a vagina.
Sure.
A vagina could prove quite useful.
I'm Toby the Red Shirt. You need a red shirt, you just do.
Quite logical.
Sure.
[The whole crew on the planet looks to the Red Shirt Crewman on who to eat first]
Aww, hell, no! You know what? [Bleep] all y'all!
It is your duty as a crewman.
Screw that. On behalf of all the red shirts who fell before me, it makes me proud to speak the following sentence. [long pause, deep inhale] I'm the only one who brought a gun. [pulls out phaser]
Uh-oh.
[Black screen, you hear a long phaser shot; shows the Red Shirt Crewman eating Kirk's arm]
Mmmmm, that's good ham.
[We start out with Peter Pan, who floats by a window of the Darling kids' bedroom]
Come on, let's fly! [flies upward off-screen]
[jumps out through the window and tries to fly, but falls] I can fly- [crashes below and dies with a splatting sound]
[also jumps out through the window to fly, but also falls] To the sky- [also crashes below with a louder splat and dies]
[also jumps out, tries to fly, and falls] Yahoo- [is also killed below with an even bigger splat]
[flies back downward] Remember to think happy thoughts before you- '[realizing that the children have died] Uh...uh...uh.
This is some serious bull[bleep].
If only we had Rainbow Brite's magic star sprinkles, we'd turn the whole world gray!
Guys, every night with this. What's so great about turning the world gray anyway?
Well, it's really more of a metaphor.
[whips out a cigarette lighter] If you wanna do something evil, arson is pretty evil.
[punches bartender] Shut up!
I say we break into Rainbow Brite's place and take all the star sprinkles we want!
[Later, at Rainbow Brite's house, Murky and Lurky scour the house looking for star sprinkles]
[looking under the bed] None here, what's under the sink?
Tampons!
[A noise at the door]
Uh oh, game over, man! Game over! Rainbow Brite's gonna kick our asses if she finds us in here!
Oh, good God! What a day! [farts] Damn! I was holding that in for hours. [grabs a beer bottle and slumps on the couch to watch TV] Hahaha! Black people are so much funnier than white people. Damn! I am effin' starvin'! [grabs a frozen Sprite out of the fridge and puts it in the microwave. Murky and Lurky try to escape but Lurky trips over a pile of magazines, and Rainbow Brite notices them] Intruders!
Let's get the [bleep] outta here, man!
[Rainbow Brite uses a chainsaw and kills Lurky & Murky, splattering everything in the living room with blood. The next day, Rainbow Brite addresses the Color Kids and Sprites...]
Dear Citizens of Rainbow Land, We have changed our ways and are moving to Tibet to help fight Chinese tyranny. Signed, Murky and Lurky."
I knew those guys weren't so bad.
Um, has anyone seen my cousin Blinky? He hasn't been around lately.
Um..."P.S.: Blinky came with us."
[The Color Kids and Sprites nod to each other, and Rainbow Brite winks at the viewers]
[Someplace where the sun shining bright, the camera pans down to a young Indiana Jones using the Staff of Ra to focus the sun's rays]
Blam! Blam! Take that! [fries the ants with the staff]
[shows up and snatches the staff away from Indy] Young man, if you are not going to use the Staff of Ra properly, then you can't use it at all!
Aww!
You'll get this back at the end of the week. [walks away with the Staff of Ra]
[Young Indy kicks the ground in frustration]
[runs up to Indy] Indy, you have to help me! Those bullies stole my dolly!
[The Leader Bully laughs evilly as he and his friends tortures Marion's doll. Young Marion cries and Young Indy walks over to confront them. The bullies' torture of the doll stops as they see Young Indy glaring down at them]
What do you want, Henry?
[Young Indy takes his snatches the doll away from the bullies and into his arm and tips his hat to the trio before running off. A group of boys are play catch and stops as Young Indy run through them and so does the bully trio as they mow down the group. Next, Young Indy goes to the slide and goes on it before jumping off then, swings to the hoop rings to other side. The bullies grabs a boy in a plastic bubble]
Please, no! I-I'm easily nauseated! [being pushed by the trio]
[Young Indy tries to return the doll to Marion, but quickly runs as he sees the bubble boy rolling towards him in a fashion like a boulder trying to crush him. He trips over the rock as the bubble boy rolls over him, and into busy traffic causing Young Indy to wince as a crash happen off-screen. He checks his head looking for hat and spots it near the merry-go-round. Young Indy looks back and sees the trio still chasing him and jumps onto the merry-go-round causing it to spin wildly as he reaches for his and grabs it. One of the bullies tries to grabs him, but gets kicked into a spinning rope between two girls and screams in pain as Indy finally returns the doll to Young Marion, who looks on with gratitude as he bail to the car. The two remaining bullies continue to chase Young Indy while blowing spit wads at him]
Start the station wagon, mom! [his mom stops doing her crossword puzzle and looks at her son] Start the station wagon!
[She starts the car as Young Indy slides other side of the car. The bullies blew more spit wads as they hit the car window. Young Indy looks on with a victorious grin as they sped leaving the bullies frustrated while he catches his breath]
How was school, honey? Did you make any new friends?
[looks down at the shake in shock] There's a shake in the car, mom! WHY IS THERE A SHAKE IN THE CAR?!?!?!
What? I picked up some Burger King for you!
I hate shakes, mom! I HATE 'EM!!! [folds his arms] Wanted a soda.
And Hitler takes a flaming chair to the spine in what will surely go down in history as one of Wrestlemania's greatest moments! Sergeant Schultz do you have any comment?
I know NOTHING!
[sitting on top of a chimney] Hey, baby, Merry Christmas. Yes, I know I said I'd stop calling but it's the holidays and I just wanted to say how happy I am that you found someone new. Is he there right now? Oh the whole family is there opening presents. Well that's just great because I have a present for you. [starts cutting his head off, which falls through chimney]
Oh God! Santa?
Oh dear, our fleets are being destroyed!
Will help ever arrive?
[comes in] Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Did someone call for a hero?
Oh, thank goodness! [Bleep] Rogers is finally here!
What...did you just call me?
[Bleep]!
[Bleep] Rogers!
[goes near Alien 1:] My name is Buck. Buck Rogers.
The Robots are through the south defenses! [Bleep] Rogers, we need your help immediately!
Buck Rogers [annoyed groaning] Ohh!
It's Buck!
My name is Buck, not [Bleep]! What's with you, aliens?!
[enters; bleeding] [Bleep]!
It's [Bleep] ! Damn, what the-?! It's Buck! Buck! Buck! BUCK!
What are you talking about?! I've been shot! [Bleep], it hurts! [dies]
Welcome, [Bleep]!
[as Buck gets annoyed] It's Buck!
THAT DOES IT!! [gets gun out and starts shooting at the aliens]
[getting shot] [Bleep], Mother[bleeper]!
[Bleep] you!
Wait! Wait! [gets shot]
[Bleep] you! [Bleep] you and you! [Bleep] you! [Bleep] you! [Bleep] you! [Bleep] you! [Bleep] you! [Bleep] you!
[Wipe fade to Wilma Deering and Twikky having a conversation]
You really told all the aliens that Buck's name was [Bleep]? [chuckles]
Bidi-Bidi-Bidi, I was attempting human comedy.
What if you can't avoid the Grim Reaper?
Who's he, he sounds dreamy!
Blondes are dumb whores!
[Everybody laughs]
Come with me, Archie, I'm sweet and innocent.
Come with me, Archie, I'm rich and easy.
[thinking about it] I choose... [Betty crosses the street and gets hit by a bus. Veronica looks hopeful at him; still thinking about it, completely oblivious to what just happened] Still deciding...
[Veronica groans]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Robot Chicken pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
