[Evil Morty has Rick Prime restrained and scans his mind to locate and eradicate his clone bodies]
Okay, I think I'm getting the pic-- [gets shocked by a device linked to his forehead] OW! Frying my backups. Smart. So you're, like, an "Evil" Morty? A clever one? [gets shocked again] OW! All right, never been a sidekick guy, but I'm starting to see the value. You want a job? We could be like Batman and Robin.
EMEvil Morty
Eh. I don't need a Robin.
[gets shocked again] Okay, seriously, what is this? Wha-What, are you gonna "aw jeez" me to death? [as Evil Morty accesses the Omega Device] Oh, you don't want those schematics, buddy. Those are for grownups.
EMEvil Morty
Uh-huh. [drags in a mangled Rick and revives him]
Oh, isn't this great? Okay, all right, I get it.
RRick
[coughs and groans] What? [sees Rick Prime] Oh shit...
EMEvil Morty
[nodding] Mm-hmm. Knock yourself out. [leaves]
[Rick puts his cybernetic parts back in order and approaches Rick Prime in enraged silence]
Listen! Rick to Rick - he's got the weapon plans. Buddy! Nip this in the bud! He's fourteen, what's gonna happen the next time he gets mad at Grandpa?!
[Rick punches him in the face]
[laughs] Let's do this, then!
[Rick punches him again and again]
You're welcome, by the way! I made you! I showed you infinity! And what did you do with it?! Hang out with my grandson?! Raise echoes of my daughter?! [laughs] What's your life without me?!
[He continues to punch Rick Prime, whose face is by now reduced to a bruised, bloody mess]
[coughing and laughing] Admit it! You would've been me! I just walked into your garage before you walked into mine! But eventually, you did! YOU LIVED IN MY HOUSE!
[He laughs and finally expires as Rick continues to smash his face apart, spreading blood everywhere]
[After Evil Morty disables the Omega Device, Rick returns, covered in Rick Prime's blood]
EMEvil Morty
There's our guy.
Rick! I-Is it over? I-Is... is he...?
EMEvil Morty
Not exactly an "alive" amount of blood. How's it feel? Better? No? Exactly the same? Yeah, it always does. Hope you're happy with your choice.
EMEvil Morty
I'm gonna. Just don't force me to improve on the design. I can end the Rick experiment any time I want.
Why threaten? Why not just do it?
EMEvil Morty
Because using a weapon like this doesn't get you left alone, Morty. Think I want a bunch of vengeful Summers coming after me? You are a little different though, Rick. Maybe I can use that someday. [activates a yellow portal] Seriously, though – fuck you. Don't come after me. It won't go well. [leaves through it]
OGOrange Guardian
Halt, unidentified adventurers!
BGBlue Guardian
We are the guardians of this sanctuary! One of us tells only truths. The other only lies.
You ever fuck this guy's wife?
BGBlue Guardian
Yes. Well, how about that, he guessed right...
OGOrange Guardian
[lifting his axe] I forgive you!
Morty, that was just an old man rambling at us.
So, by your logic, 9/11 was an adventure? Tweet it, see who agrees.
OThe Observer
Very well! Bear witness to 9/11!
[The Observer has been run over by a truck.]
You know what? I say we leave this thing in the street, deny any involvement, and just hope this blows over. Unless, of course, they play this exact clip on a screen in front of a jury with some kind of built-in bias.
[The courtroom, filled with Observers, gasps.]
JOJudge Observer
As an Observer, I try to stay impartial, but I am not seeing innocence!
PRPast Rick
I did it, Morty! I killed the version of us that were in Space Jam! Help me with the bodies!
PMPast Morty
Wow! How'd you do it, Rick?
PRPast Rick
It was easy, Morty! Th-- They welcomed death! They wanted out, Morty!
[In the present]
No, no, no, you don't get it! They begged me! It was a kindness!
DODefending Observer
[to Rick and Morty] Was that helpful?
POProsecuting Observer
It was for the prosecution!
What do you say, Rick? Fly through space, come upon something, maybe I have a moral objection, stuff gets messy and you ultimately bail us out?
Let's take it for a spin! Rick and Morty, we're back, baby!
Oh shit, psychic warfare!
Hold on. Grandpa's got this...
[Rick puts his finger to his temple, and ringing is heard]
TThug
Oh shit, run! [the thugs flee]
No, look. [removes a concealed device from his head] Fake temple with a high-pitch noise maker. Run before these guys figure it out!
KKenneth
[watching on monitors] He's a fake, you morons! Like most psychics! Kill them!
Yeah, window jump. Try to say it's my first Taken now.
[Thugs with guns surround them]
I'm getting my groove back!
TThug
You heard him, boys! Kill him before he gets his groove!
