Halt! Who goes there?
Donut, it's me. (dressed in blue)
Oh, right, you. What do you want?
I want to talk to Sarge, I just found out some info. Wait, why am I answering your questions?
I said hold it. (points gun at Simmons)
What's your problem, Donut?
Sarge told me to not to let anyone in the base. And I'm pretty sure "anyone" includes the enemy.
I'm not the enemy.
Oh please, you're dressed in blue. FYI there's kind of a theme around here. You're blue, I'm red.
More like pink.
I have a gun.
OK, OK, I only dressed like this to trick the Blues.
You helped the Blues.
And fooled them.
You knocked Sarge out, twice.
Once again Donut, to fool the Blues. And to work out some unresolved issues with father figures. But look, just go ask Sarge, he knows it's me. Hell, even Grif knows it's me.
Oh sure, Everyone knows who you are but me.
No, the Blues don't know either.
Hey Shelia, where'd that Simmons guy go that was spying on us?
I don't know. Why don't you go ask the new jeep.
What's all this ruckus?
There's an enemy trying to get into the base.
Where?
Right there.
Where? Behind Simmons?
He means me sir.
Oh, Simmons, Why didn't you tell me it was you?
Donut, I did tell you it was me.
Well you didn't say it was you, you just kept saying "I'm me".
That's because I am me.
But you didn't say you were you. If you had said you were you instead of "I'm me", I would have known you were you. You just kept saying you were me.
That's because I'm me.
And thus ends another meeting of the pronoun club. Same time next week everybody.
Well now that we have that straightened out, I have some important information.
I don't want to hear it, Blue.
What, this is valuable information about the war.
There is no such thing as valuable information, from a traitor!
But sir, I only did that because no one would believe me about the tank.
Sarge, Simmons has issues with his father that he displaces on you.
No Donut, that's why I punched Sarge in the face. I left the base because I wasn't fulfilling my undying need to please other people.
Alright, enough! The next person who tells me about Simmons' feelings is getting court-martialled
Simmons likes to go in the bathroom and cry while he punches the mirror... Well, I'll go pack my bags. Nice working with you guys. Good luck with the Blues. It's been real.