TJT.J.
[reading his "Best Friend" report out loud to the class] "People say a best friend is the most important friend a kid could have, that a best friend is someone who makes you laugh, someone you go to for advice, someone who can come to you for advice. Well, that's great for people who have a best friend, but I don't. I have no best friend. But there are some friends I do have. One's a great athlete, the most popular kid in school. He could hang out with anybody, but instead, he hangs out with me. Another friend of mine is the smartest kid I ever met. She could probably build an atom bomb, but instead, she uses her brains to help me when I'm down. And then I've got a friend who's so tough, she could take on a guy twice her size, but instead, she stands up for kids who can't defend themselves. Another one of my pals is a big guy, real big. To a lot of kids, he looks scary, but he wouldn't hurt a fly. In fact, he's got a heart of gold. And then there's my newest friend. Some guys say he's a scaredy-cat, but I know deep down, he's a hero. When I see him swallow his fear and do what needs to be done, it reminds me of why things are worth standing up for. Yeah, some people say a best friend is the most important friend a kid could have, but I say, "Why pick one? All my friends are the most important friends I have." So don't feel sorry for me, I'm the luckiest kid in the world. I don't have a best friend. I have five!"
[The class cheers for him]
[touched while sniffling] He thinks I'm a great athlete.
[Later after school… the gang has been reunited]
TJT.J.
Well, guys, it's great to have the gang back together.
Let's never fight again, okay?
By the way, sorry about the geek comment, Gretchen.
And I apologize about calling you fatso, Mikey.
That's okay, little fella.
[Episode starts with Miss Grotke handing back the class their graded book reports]
TJT.J.
[shocked when he receives a C-] C-?! Hey, no fair, Miss Grotke.
I'm sorry, T.J., but a "roller-coaster ride" I couldn't put down is not a book report… It's a cover blurb.
TJT.J.
Oops. [chuckles embarrassingly]
[T.J. and his friends see Gretchen approaching them in a big box]
TJT.J.
Gretchen, is that you?
T.J.? [bumps into the fence] Pardon me.
So, Gretch, what's with the box?
I'm using it to make a pinhole projector so we can view the upcoming solar eclipse. You can't look at an eclipse with the naked eye, you know, it would scorch your retina.
[Ajimbo has turned everyone into zombies who try to force the game onto T.J.]
TJT.J.
No! I won't give in. I won't let this thing beat me!
[zombielike] It's no use, T.J. Eventually you will join us.
Man, there's nothing like a good field trip.
TJT.J.
Yep, nothing in the world. MISOOE, here we come.
MISOOE, Gus, the Museum of Industry, Science, Oceanography, Oddities, and Energy. It's one of the finest, most sophisticated museums in the world.
My big brother told me they got a dead guy sliced up real thin, like cheese, so you can see right through him. Can't get more sophisticated than that.
DDDigger Dave
I hear they got a real working coal mine that goes right down through the floor.
Coal mine? Please. The best thing there is the gift shop. They got accessories from around the world.
AQAshley Q.
And they accept credit cards.
What? Oh, that's nothing!
TJT.J.
Man, this is gonna be the best field trip ever.
[Mikey, T.J., and Gretchen are sitting on the swings as Gus, Vince, and Spinelli approach them after searching everywhere for Gretchen's stolen Galileo]
I looked in Miss Grotke's class.
And I checked the P.E. room. Nothing.
[worried] This is a nightmare!
TJT.J.
Let's go over this again. You asked the diggers, you talked to the Ashleys, you checked the Lost and Found... [Gretchen's eyes widen open] You did check the Lost and Found, didn't you?
[Gretchen gets up from the swing and quickly runs off to see Menlo]
The Lost and Found box, Menlo. I need to see it, now!
MMenlo
That's not the way it works. You tell me what you lost, and I'll tell you if it's in the box. Those are the rules.
[sighs] One Galileo hand-held PC Model G55 serial number 76502.
MMenlo
Oh, yeah. [takes out the box] Spiffy little piece of tech. 300 meg chip, voice activated control, cellular email.
Yes, yes, that's it! Is it in there?
MMenlo
Nope, I just like asking. [as Gretchen digs around in the box] I do remember seeing something like that, though.
MMenlo
I don't know. My memory's a little hazy.
[grabs and pulls him by the collar; sharply] OUT WITH IT!
MMenlo
Okay! Okay! Just don't hurt me! Yesterday at recess, I was…
[narrating] Menlo sang like an old guy in the shower when nobody's home. He told me who had Galileo. It was Greg Skeens, the graffiti kid, guy who couldn't spell "computer," much less use one. Menlo told me where to find him. I don't make it a habit to slum in the Third Street School underworld. But if I wanted Galileo back, I had to hold my nose and plunge in. [finds Greg Skeens drawing a graffiti of Finster] Nice work. You're a regular Degas.
SSkeens
What'd you call me?
Nothing. Listen, I seem to have misplaced my hand-held computer. About yea big, matte-black finish, soothing voice. Maybe you've seen it around.
SSkeens
You mean that TV remote I found under the bench by the kickball field? I traded it for a stick of gum. Stupid thing didn't even work on my TV.
Who?! Who did you trade it to?!
SSkeens
Hey! I'm no blabbermouth. Now beat it. I'm busy. I need to write something nasty about Finster before the bell. Uh... how do you spell "meanie?"
Maybe Santa was just having a bad day.
No, that was an imposter. They come out of the woodwork this time of year.
So, where are we going now?
To see the real Santa. He's riding in the big Christmas parade. We better hurry, or we're going to miss him.
[offended] It's not fair. It's just not fair.
TJT.J.
[also offended] Yeah, this whomps.
How come you guys get to miss school and we don't?
Because the Young Inventors Fair is an invitational exposition.
Means you gotta be invited.
It's a great opportunity to show off exciting new ideas from smart young minds.
So why is Spinelli going with you?
'Cause she needed a smart kid to be her assistant. Wanna make something of it?
N-not at all. May I be the first to wish you success on this and all future scientific endeavors?
Come, Gretchen, our colleagues await.
Girls. They sure stick together.
[Mikey gets gum all over his head and in his hair while trying to make the record for blowing up a big bubblegum when Captain Sticky popped it]
No! This can't be happening!
Come on, Mikey, You'll break the bubble gum record next time.
You don't understand. There won't be a next time. There wasn't even supposed to be a this time. I'm not allowed to chew gum, because when I do, I do this. When my mom and dad find out that I got gum in my hair again, I'm gonna be grounded for a whole year!
TJT.J.
What about using ice on your hair? I heard that works.
Tried it before. It froze my brain.
Putting a paper bag over your head and then-- [realizes] No, wait. That's for hiccups.
TJT.J.
Calm down, big guy. We can fix it so your mom and dad will never know the difference.
TJT.J.
All you do gotta do is get a haircut.
But I spent all my money on gum. I don't have enough left to go to a barber.
TJT.J.
You don't need a barber. You got one right here. Snippety-snip, problem solved.
Uh, Teej, can I talk to you for a minute? No offense, man, but are you wack? What do you know about cutting hair?
TJT.J.
Come on. I've seen Mr. Neno do it a million times. You comb, you cut, you watch out for the ears. So, Mikey, up for the haircut?
[as Gus holds up the mirror, only showing his face] Could you step back a little, Gus? I can't see my hair. [Gus steps back a bit and holds up the mirror again, showing his horrible half-bald haircut; screams in horror]
TJT.J.
Was that a good "ah" or a bad one?
TJT.J.
Careful, Mikey. You're getting awfully close to hurting Mr. Teej's feelings.
Your feelings?! What about my head?!
Here we go. Hmm, let's see. Seven! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven! "Great riches will soon be yours." Oh, scary. Someone else give it a shot. Come on! You guys don't buy that Stinky Peterson junk, do you?
TJT.J.
Of course not. I pick four. One, two, three, four. "You will pass your greatest test with flying colors." Hey, that's not so bad. I think this thing's a friendly fortune teller.
I'm next. Logic dictates we go girl, boy, girl, boy until we run out of girls. I pick one. "You will take a trip to an exotic land." My word, that is exciting!
My turn. Oh, great fortune teller, what wonders await me? Great riches? Fame? Adventure, perhaps? I pick five. One, two, three, four, five. "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow is your final day?" Hey! What kind of fortune is that?
Come on, Gus. None of that stuff's gonna come true. I mean, it's hard enough to imagine Spinelli getting rich and Gretchen taking a trip, but T.J. passing a test with flying colors? Get real.
[Cut to Miss Grotke's classroom]
Congratulations and karma kudos, T.J. Detweiler. I know one smart boy whose aura is going to glow all.
But that can't be right! I only got 100%.
Wow! T.J. Passed his test with flying colors! It's just as the fortune teller foretold.
Recess · 128 quotes
