Vince quotes from Recess

Vince

Ooh, I'm quivering in my high-tops!

Vince

Bob's king of the playground. If he helps the other kids will follow.

He better help or he's gonna meet my good friend Madam Fist!

Hey! One of you drop five bucks?

Oooo...

Scandalous! Jinx!

Vince

[watching an old video of himself] Man, did you see that kick? That was in my prime!

Gretchen

Vince, that was 2 weeks ago.

Recess has been cancelled.

Vince

Cancelled? But why?

[opens the door] Rain.

Mikey

The horror! The horror!

[whistles, stopping the gang's fighting] Come on, guys. We're all pals here. Who cares whose best friend I am?

Vince

Well, I do care who my best friend is. And if that's the way you feel about it, T.J., then I don't want to be friends with you, or any of you. [storms off]

Same here. [also storms off]

Gretchen

Me too. [also storms off in the opposite direction]

Mikey

Goodbye. [walks off]

Gus

Uh, what they said. [also walks off in the opposite direction]

But… but, guys, wait! Come back!

Randall

Oh, boy, that was neat! So, you ready to tell me your favorite color?

[reading his "Best Friend" report out loud to the class] "People say a best friend is the most important friend a kid could have, that a best friend is someone who makes you laugh, someone you go to for advice, someone who can come to you for advice. Well, that's great for people who have a best friend, but I don't. I have no best friend. But there are some friends I do have. One's a great athlete, the most popular kid in school. He could hang out with anybody, but instead, he hangs out with me. Another friend of mine is the smartest kid I ever met. She could probably build an atom bomb, but instead, she uses her brains to help me when I'm down. And then I've got a friend who's so tough, she could take on a guy twice her size, but instead, she stands up for kids who can't defend themselves. Another one of my pals is a big guy, real big. To a lot of kids, he looks scary, but he wouldn't hurt a fly. In fact, he's got a heart of gold. And then there's my newest friend. Some guys say he's a scaredy-cat, but I know deep down, he's a hero. When I see him swallow his fear and do what needs to be done, it reminds me of why things are worth standing up for. Yeah, some people say a best friend is the most important friend a kid could have, but I say, "Why pick one? All my friends are the most important friends I have." So don't feel sorry for me, I'm the luckiest kid in the world. I don't have a best friend. I have five!"

Gus

[touched while sniffling] He thinks I'm a great athlete.

Well, guys, it's great to have the gang back together.

Mikey

Let's never fight again, okay?

You got it, pal.

Vince

By the way, sorry about the geek comment, Gretchen.

Gretchen

No problem, old friend.

Gus

And I apologize about calling you fatso, Mikey.

Mikey

That's okay, little fella.

Gretchen

You know, there's one thing I still don't understand. Why did the subliminal message fail? Works all the time for Madison Avenue.

Vince

Who knows, Gretchen? Who knows?

Vince

Man, there's nothing like a good field trip.

Yep, nothing in the world. MISOOE, here we come.

Gus

MISOOE? What's MISOOE?

Gretchen

MISOOE, Gus, the Museum of Industry, Science, Oceanography, Oddities, and Energy. It's one of the finest, most sophisticated museums in the world.

My big brother told me they got a dead guy sliced up real thin, like cheese, so you can see right through him. Can't get more sophisticated than that.

I hear they got a real working coal mine that goes right down through the floor.

Ashley A.

Coal mine? Please. The best thing there is the gift shop. They got accessories from around the world.

And they accept credit cards.

What? Oh, that's nothing!

Man, this is gonna be the best field trip ever.

Gus

I looked in Miss Grotke's class.

Vince

And I checked the P.E. room. Nothing.

Gretchen

[worried] This is a nightmare!

Let's go over this again. You asked the diggers, you talked to the Ashleys, you checked the Lost and Found... [Gretchen's eyes widen open] You did check the Lost and Found, didn't you?

Mikey

I guess that was a no.

Gretchen

The Lost and Found box, Menlo. I need to see it, now!

That's not the way it works. You tell me what you lost, and I'll tell you if it's in the box. Those are the rules.

Gretchen

[sighs] One Galileo hand-held PC Model G55 serial number 76502.

Oh, yeah. [takes out the box] Spiffy little piece of tech. 300 meg chip, voice activated control, cellular email.

Gretchen

Yes, yes, that's it! Is it in there?

Nope, I just like asking. [as Gretchen digs around in the box] I do remember seeing something like that, though.

Gretchen

Where?

I don't know. My memory's a little hazy.

Gretchen

[grabs and pulls him by the collar; sharply] OUT WITH IT!

Okay! Okay! Just don't hurt me! Yesterday at recess, I was…

Gretchen

[narrating] Menlo sang like an old guy in the shower when nobody's home. He told me who had Galileo. It was Greg Skeens, the graffiti kid, guy who couldn't spell "computer," much less use one. Menlo told me where to find him. I don't make it a habit to slum in the Third Street School underworld. But if I wanted Galileo back, I had to hold my nose and plunge in. [finds Greg Skeens drawing a graffiti of Finster] Nice work. You're a regular Degas.

What'd you call me?

Gretchen

Nothing. Listen, I seem to have misplaced my hand-held computer. About yea big, matte-black finish, soothing voice. Maybe you've seen it around.

You mean that TV remote I found under the bench by the kickball field? I traded it for a stick of gum. Stupid thing didn't even work on my TV.

Gretchen

Who?! Who did you trade it to?!

Hey! I'm no blabbermouth. Now beat it. I'm busy. I need to write something nasty about Finster before the bell. Uh... how do you spell "meanie?"

Gus

Maybe Santa was just having a bad day.

Mikey

Oh, that wasn't Santa.

It wasn't?

Mikey

No, that was an imposter. They come out of the woodwork this time of year.

Vince

So, where are we going now?

Mikey

To see the real Santa. He's riding in the big Christmas parade. We better hurry, or we're going to miss him.

Gus

[offended] It's not fair. It's just not fair.

[also offended] Yeah, this whomps.

Vince

How come you guys get to miss school and we don't?

Gretchen

Because the Young Inventors Fair is an invitational exposition.

Means you gotta be invited.

Gretchen

It's a great opportunity to show off exciting new ideas from smart young minds.

Gus

So why is Spinelli going with you?

'Cause she needed a smart kid to be her assistant. Wanna make something of it?

Gus

N-not at all. May I be the first to wish you success on this and all future scientific endeavors?

Come, Gretchen, our colleagues await.

Vince

Girls. They sure stick together.

Mikey

No! This can't be happening!

Vince

Come on, Mikey, You'll break the bubble gum record next time.

Mikey

You don't understand. There won't be a next time. There wasn't even supposed to be a this time. I'm not allowed to chew gum, because when I do, I do this. When my mom and dad find out that I got gum in my hair again, I'm gonna be grounded for a whole year!

What about using ice on your hair? I heard that works.

Mikey

Tried it before. It froze my brain.

Vince

Cooking oil?

Mikey

Urban myth.

Gus

Putting a paper bag over your head and then-- [realizes] No, wait. That's for hiccups.

Mikey

I'M DOOMED!

Calm down, big guy. We can fix it so your mom and dad will never know the difference.

Mikey

How?

All you do gotta do is get a haircut.

Mikey

But I spent all my money on gum. I don't have enough left to go to a barber.

You don't need a barber. You got one right here. Snippety-snip, problem solved.

Vince

Uh, Teej, can I talk to you for a minute? No offense, man, but are you wack? What do you know about cutting hair?

Come on. I've seen Mr. Neno do it a million times. You comb, you cut, you watch out for the ears. So, Mikey, up for the haircut?

Mikey

I don't know.

Trust me.

Here we go. Hmm, let's see. Seven! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven! "Great riches will soon be yours." Oh, scary. Someone else give it a shot. Come on! You guys don't buy that Stinky Peterson junk, do you?

Of course not. I pick four. One, two, three, four. "You will pass your greatest test with flying colors." Hey, that's not so bad. I think this thing's a friendly fortune teller.

Mikey

Me next.

Vince

No, me next.

Gretchen

I'm next. Logic dictates we go girl, boy, girl, boy until we run out of girls. I pick one. "You will take a trip to an exotic land." My word, that is exciting!

Gus

My turn. Oh, great fortune teller, what wonders await me? Great riches? Fame? Adventure, perhaps? I pick five. One, two, three, four, five. "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow is your final day?" Hey! What kind of fortune is that?

Vince

Come on, Gus. None of that stuff's gonna come true. I mean, it's hard enough to imagine Spinelli getting rich and Gretchen taking a trip, but T.J. passing a test with flying colors? Get real.

Congratulations and karma kudos, T.J. Detweiler. I know one smart boy whose aura is going to glow all.

101%?

Gretchen

But that can't be right! I only got 100%.

Mikey

Wow! T.J. Passed his test with flying colors! It's just as the fortune teller foretold.