A character in Raising Hope
Played by Martha Plimpton
Raising Hope · 138 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Raising Hope: in 52 of its 138 quotes
Most scenes with: Burt Chance (21), Jimmy Chance (18), Sabrina (12)
What's going on?
Mommy and I are doing a trick.
VirginiaThe bitch who lives here wouldn't give us any candy. You're not really going to hassle us for pulling a prank on Halloween, are ya?
I might seeing as how the pranksters are both adults, this is my house and I'm married to the bitch.
[face is covered in chocolate from eating candy] Grampa did you bring any more candy?
[Holding Hope as she laughs at Maw Maw] Mom!
VirginiaOh, my god. Burt, Maw Maw got into the candy.
VirginiaYou were supposed to be watching Maw Maw. When she gets into the candy, she thinks she's 9 years old again.
I like 9-year-old Maw Maw, we play jacks.
Did you guys lie to me?
She did - not me, I do not practice "deceitary."
VirginiaWhat about "I know what I'm doing - you won't get pregnant?"
I believed it at the time.
What did you lie to me about mom?
VirginiaIt doesn't matter - they were dumb little nothings. Like when Rexie died, he didn't really go to hunt rabbits with Stone Cold Steve Austin's dogs. And the reason you shouldn't pick your butt is not because there's an eel living in there and he might bite your finger off, it's just because you shouldn't pick your butt.
Slow down there Jimmy. Do you even know what the hell you are doing?
VirginiaOf course he knows what he's doing Burt. It's a computer, not a condom.
You're sure you don't want to brush your hair?
VirginiaOh right, 'cuz if I'm going to be picking up bottles and old rubbers, I really want to look my best.
[After Maw Maw readily voted with Jimmy]
She is only allowed to vote if she's lucid.
VirginiaMaw Maw, we are currently at war with what country?
Iraq and Afghanistan.
Is she right?
I think so, but I'm not sure.
It's right, you morons. One more reason why you shouldn't have another baby. Look, we're five people living in a four person house. We need another baby like we need a gorilla throwing fireworks.
VirginiaWe are responsible! We're also passionate and spontaneous.
Yeah those would be our gladiator names if we were on American Gladiator.
VirginiaAll college guys cheat when they're in a long distance relationship. Why do you think I didn't let your dad go off to college?
'Cuz he didn't graduate high school?
VirginiaFor your information, there are universities that advertise on late night television that are willing to overlook that.
VirginiaBurt, why are you infusiating yourself in other people's lives?
I like this guy. He reminds me of me. We both have brown hair and hate museums.
It seems my mother thinks that your son is the Devil.
VirginiaHah! I kinda doubt the devil would still be a virgin at eighteen.
VirginiaDid you hear that? Maw Maw's got a surprise for you Jimmy!
[slams his hand onto the table] You know that's not my name! If you want to address me, you must call me Drakkar Noir.
VirginiaLike the man's perfume, right?
It means Black Dragonship.
[momentary pause]
Your makeup looks nice today.
I cut myself off. I'd would rather live like crap on money that I earned myself than live like a princess on money that somebody else gave me.
[The Chances burst out laughing]
That is the dumbest thing I ever heard.
VirginiaMoney you don't have to work for is the best kind.
It's like getting paid for not having a job. It's the best kind of job not to have.
VirginiaThat's the reason your father's always hated cauliflower.
No, I thought it was because it's not a real flower and it looks like brains.
VirginiaFine, he has a lot of good reasons to hate cauliflower.
VirginiaEat your dinner before it melts.
Popsicles and olives? Have we just given up?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Raising Hope pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
