Sabrina quotes from Raising Hope

Sabrina

[seeing Jimmy and Justin hang out] Look at you two hanging out-like two penises in a pod.

Sabrina

I hate kissing in public.

Sabrina

Jimmy, you know I love your quirky family, but you nailing your great-grandmother is gonna be a real deal-breaker.

Sabrina

I'm afraid of spiders crawling in my ears, so sometimes I sleep with a panty-ho on my head.

Sabrina

I enjoy reading, and sometimes it's easy to put the book on the the back of the toil--Okay, you know what, great. Now both these things are out there and we haven't even got one question right.

Sabrina

All right, Mom. That's it. Thank you so much for this incredible gift. We're gonna cherish it forever. I'm sure we're gonna watch it a million times. And, um, when we do, I want Jimmy to hear this last part. Jimmy, you always make it seem like you're lucky to have me as your wife, but I'm the lucky one. I'm lucky to have you and Hope and your entire family in my life, and sometimes I feel like I don't say that to you enough, but it's true. And when we watch this with our grandkids one day, I want them to know how much you mean to me. I love you.

Sabrina

Jimmy, do you remember how we talked about not letting your parents drag us into something crazy every week?

Sabrina

You can't live your life without taking risks. Sometimes you've just got to jump in and marry the grocery bagger with the serial killer's baby. ...That happened to somebody I know.

Sabrina

You did it! You guys did what my environmental group could never do: Something.

Sabrina

Well, after Frank volunteered, we kind of had to. I mean, he is officially the laziest guy in the store.

Sabrina

Barney does superlatives in the annual Howdy's yearbook.

Jimmy

Listen, I have a question about this food and it might be a stupid question, but I-I feel I should ask.

Sabrina

I'm sure it's not stupid.

Jimmy

Okay. Well, um, the book I have says I should feed her vegetables and I want to do that, but the only vegetable jars I found have pictures of either black babies or Asian babies on them, and I don't know if the pictures are random, you know, or if there's a reason Asian babies instead of white ones should eat these particular string beans?

Sabrina

That is a really good question. The colors of the babies on the jars don't matter, however it's really important that you do not feed her anything with a picture of a boy on it or else she will grow a penis. And a mustache.

Jimmy

I said it might be a stupid question.

Sabrina

Yeah you did. I just... really wasn't prepared for that.

Sabrina

Jimmy, are you missing a clump of hair in this photo?

Virginia

Yes, he is. He ate it.

Sabrina

Excuse me?

Jimmy

Someone stressed me out so much that I started pulling out my hair and eating it as a nervous twitch.

Sabrina

You look awful. Why didn't you just shave your head?

Virginia

Oh god no. He's a birthmark on his head that looks like a big old...

Jimmy

Florida. Shaped like Florida... Florida with balls.

Sabrina

Your house has a lot of cool stuff in it. Who plays the piano?

Jimmy

Pretty much anybody who is trying to get on somebody's nerves.

Sabrina

Worst Thanksgiving ever. We had this cheese sauce that irritated my Dad's IBS - he spent the whole afternoon in the bathroom but forced us to include him via video chat.

Jimmy

Yeah, well my baby was stolen - twice.

Sabrina

I can't beat that - let's drink!

Sabrina

I cut myself off. I'd would rather live like crap on money that I earned myself than live like a princess on money that somebody else gave me.

Burt

That is the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Virginia

Money you don't have to work for is the best kind.

Burt

It's like getting paid for not having a job. It's the best kind of job not to have.

Jimmy

Oh, my God, you think you're better than them.

Sabrina

That's-that's Not what I'm s--Okay, the thing is, is that what--Oh, come on, you got to give me Frank; I'm better than Frank.

Jimmy

No, you're not. You're smarter and less creepy than Frank, but Frank is better at not feeling superior to people.