Barney quotes from Raising Hope

Barney

Unfortunately, I took six brutal beatings before I learned there was no merit badge for cruelty, and I'd been letting the scouts pummel me for no real reason.

Jimmy

Hey, what are you guys doing?! You promised me you weren't gonna see the movie!

Frank

To be fair, we never thought you'd find out.

Barney

Sorry, James. It looks funny. I did it for employee morale. Not yours, of course. If you were anyone but you, you'd understand.

Sabrina

Guys, I got a purse full of licorice--Ooh! [holds up piece of licorice to her lip like a mustache, speaks in Italian accent] Mama mia! A-what-a Christmas is this! I got to go to make-a de pizza.

Sabrina

You think he bought that?

Jimmy

I'll walk the 1k. And you guys should be ashamed of yourselves. Barney's up here courageously admitting that he has a serious condition, and you guys are acting like children.

Barney

Thank you, James. At least there's someone here that knows that ABS is nothing to joke about. We need to voice our support because silence can be deadly. The fight against ABS will get the push it deserves to finally make a big splash. Sufferers of this condition are tired of hiding like turtles in their shells. It's time for this turtle's head to poke out!

Jimmy

Barney, you're not doing yourself any favors.

Barney

Uh, Ricardo. Could you please stop pinching that loaf?

Jimmy

Oh, come on. Seriously?

Jimmy

How am I supposed to do a rebirthing? I've never even seen an actual birth. Hope was born in a jail.

Barney

Frank and I could help you.

Frank

Oh, yeah, totally. Rebirthing ceremonies are simple.

Frank

Sometimes insomnia can drive a man to the deep dark corners of the Internet.