Frank quotes from Raising Hope

Frank

Three years ago, Barney bet me I couldn't fit ten marshmallows in my mouth. Two weeks later, we were selling our blood for some action on women's bowling. Gambling is a harsh mistress.

Frank

It's the age-old romantic story. Boy wearing baby mask meets girl wearing horse-head mask. And then girl's mask comes off, and boy doesn't have the guts to tell her how he really feels about her. We've all seen it a million times.

Jimmy

[after seeing Sabrina's commercial] That's not fair. You used my daughter without my permission. Would you make your own baby?

Frank

Yeah. Come on Sabrina. Let's go make our own baby!

Jimmy

I'm not gonna argue with her. That's what Wyatt does, and I'm gonna do the opposite.

Frank

...The opposite of the guy she has sex with. Good strategy.

Burt

Hey, Frank. You seen Jimmy?

Frank

No. I haven't seen Jimmy. Jimmy who?

Burt

Jimmy, my son. He went out with you last night.

Frank

Nope.

Burt

What's with the tarp and the shallow grave you're digging there?

Frank

I may be putting in a pool. Or digging to China. What business is it of yours? I think you're the one who's shallow.

Burt

Cards on the table, Frank: Did you kill my boy?

Jimmy

Hey, what are you guys doing?! You promised me you weren't gonna see the movie!

Frank

To be fair, we never thought you'd find out.

Barney

Sorry, James. It looks funny. I did it for employee morale. Not yours, of course. If you were anyone but you, you'd understand.

Sabrina

Guys, I got a purse full of licorice--Ooh! [holds up piece of licorice to her lip like a mustache, speaks in Italian accent] Mama mia! A-what-a Christmas is this! I got to go to make-a de pizza.

Sabrina

You think he bought that?

Jimmy

Did she sound snippy?

Frank

Hard to tell. Everyone's snippy with me, I'm Frank.

Jimmy

How am I supposed to do a rebirthing? I've never even seen an actual birth. Hope was born in a jail.

Barney

Frank and I could help you.

Frank

Oh, yeah, totally. Rebirthing ceremonies are simple.

Frank

Sometimes insomnia can drive a man to the deep dark corners of the Internet.