TThom
It just looks like you blindfolded yourself, walked around the neighborhood on, like, trash night, and dragged this stuff back in your house.
All S1
S1 E11Meet the Folks: Alan C
[Jai, Kyan and Ted are playing the guitar and singing]
JJai
Five gay men cleaning one house. One straight man, that's all it takes, just one dirty straight man.
JTJai and Ted
And five gay men.
S1 E12Neither Rain nor Sleet nor Length of Hair: Jeff T
Let's go to the mall to pick up boys!
KKyan
(wearing feathers in his hair): I'm feeling my inner Pochantas.
[Ted & Thom are playing with a fishing rod. Thom gets the hook caught in his mouth]
TTed
Look! I caught a fag! I caught a homosexual!
Gay, good. Gray, bad.
CCorrine
Are we in the right house?
S1 E13Mr. Clean Comes Clean: Richard M
Let's torch the place!
[Ted an Laura are using an alphabet puzzle]
TTed
Laura, what does this spell?
LLaura
Tragic.
TTed
And who's tragic?
LLaura
My dad.
[about Richard's suits] Single, double, single, single, ugly...
TThom
[pushes Carson in the closet] Look! I got the gay guy in the closet!
It's dark in here.
TThom
He's neurotic and needy. God he's like everyone I date!
S1 E14Helping the Hard-Rocking Host: Steven S.
TThom
[enters the shop before Steven] Sorry, ladies before gentlemen.
KKyan
[looks in the shower] You could put a harness in here. Good times.
TThom
Let me get this straight - your friend, is a straight hairstylist, with wicker furniture. I think he's got something he's not telling you.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Queer Eye for the Straight Guy pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.