Brian quotes from Queer as Folk (US)

Brian

It's "the big C," Ted.

Ted

Cocaine?

Brian

It's bigger.

Ted

Crystal?

Brian

Bigger.

Ted

Caffeine?

Brian

It's cancer, Theodore.

Ted

C-c-ca...

Michael

Jesus, what happened to you?

Brian

Chernobyl.

Michael

You think you can kick me out of here the way you did Justin? And for what? Trying not to let on that he knew? Because that's the way you wanted it. He deserves to know. He's your lover. Your partner, whether you want to admit it or not. And sick or not, that's a fucking shitty way to treat him!

Brian

I was only trying to make it easier.

Michael

By never seeing him again?

Brian

He would have left sooner or later anyway, might as well be sooner!

Brian

I thought I told you to get out.

Justin

I guess I didn't hear; you tend to mumble a lot.

Brian

Listen to me, you little shit. I don't. Want. You here.

Justin

I don't care what you want. You're not getting rid of me.

Justin

Shit. Are you all right? Tell me you're all right!

Brian

I'm all right!

Justin

You're not all right!

Brian

[Shouting] Then what the hell are you asking me for?

Justin

[Shouting] So I can tell you what a motherfucking piece of shit you are for not telling me, for shutting me out, for thinking that you could handle this on your own and most of all for thinking that I would leave you! Why would you think that? 'Cause you had a ball removed? 'Cause you're no longer perfect? Well, believe me, Mr Kinney, that is the least of your imperfections. And if I wanted to leave you, I've had better reasons, plenty of them!

Brian

Maybe you should have.

Justin

Yeah, maybe you're right. But I thought we had a commitment, and I plan to stand by it. Now get your ass back in bed, you son of a bitch!... And eat some fucking chicken soup!

Brian

I see your point.

Debbie

Yeah, so why didn't you see it then?

Brian

Maybe because I didn't know that I had cancer then.

Brian

Will it make me small?

Justin

I'm hoping that it will make you large. Very very large.

Brian

You think God gave me cancer to punish me?

Joan Kinney

It's not too late. You can still change. I know you can.

Brian

I can?

Joan

Well, it won't be easy. You'll have to fight temptation. Be strong. Harden yourself.

Brian

I wanna be hard, Mom. You have no idea how much I want to be hard. Oh, Lord, make me hard so that I can fuck every hot guy I see! That's why God gave me a second chance, Mom, so that I can use the one ball I have left!

Joan

Shame! Shame on you!

Brian

If I have to spend an eternity of eternities burning in hell, it's better than spending one good day in heaven with you!

How does that feel?

Brian

It'd be a lot better with poppers.

Try to describe the sensation.

Brian

It feels like someone is rotating my artificial ball.

You've put on some weight.

Brian

I realize to you that's a good thing. To me it's a disaster.

Brian

How long can I resume a normal life? Doing recreational drugs and consuming vast amounts of alcohol, going to the gym.

I don't have any problem with some light stretching and mild cardio.

Brian

Doc, I'm a fag. I don't go to the gym to be healthy, I go there to look good.

Brian

Since when did you ever have the least interest in getting married?

Michael

I didn't! But not because I didn't want to. But because I never thought I could. It wasn't a story I told myself like straight kids did, you know, that someday I'd meet that special person and we'd fall in love and have a big wedding... it was never real for me.

Brian

We're queer. We don't need marriage, we don't need a sanction of dickless politicians and pederast priests. We fuck who we want to, when we want to. That is our god-given right.

Michael

But it's also our god-given right to have everything that straight people have. Because we're every bit as much human as they are.

Brian

Fuck the doctors and fuck the nay-Sayers. I'm still young. I'm still g-g-g-gorgeous! I'm still hot.

Michael

You know it!

It looks like you've broken your clavicle.

Brian

And it hurts like a motherfucker.

Michael

They'll teach you to cruise guys no-handed.

Good news is it seems like it's a clean break, so it'll mend well.

Brian

Did I mention that it hurts like a mother fucker?

Michael

Is he gonna have to wear a cast?

Because of the way he injured himself, all he can do is rest.

Brian

I'm sure I mentioned that it hurts like a motherfucker.

(exasperated) We will give you some Vicodin for that.

Brian

(relieved) Hear that? Just like Babylon.