Brian quotes from Queer as Folk (US)

Brian

His life was just going to hang there, like some shirt in the closet you never wear.

Justin

So you pushed him away.

Brian

It was the only course of action.

Justin

Yeah, but now he hates you.

Brian

That's okay. As long as Mikey's happy.

Justin

God, you must really love him.

You... you've got your doubts, don't you? Well, let me ask you a few questions. Do you and your friends obsess about your bodies and the bodies of other men?

Ted

Check out his pecks.

Michael

They're like, perfect.

Brian

They're like, implants.

Do your conversations center around trivialities such as movies stars?

Michael

Did you hear that Cher had her pussy tightened?

Ted

Where'd you read that, the Inquirer or Popular Mechanics?

Are your days and nights spent at the gym and in bars, going home with men whose names you don't even know?

Ted

So he's coming and he's going, "Fred, Fred!"

Michael

Fred! Who's Fred?

So, maybe you should ask yourself... is this the life I want for me? Is this the life God wants for me? Is there a better life?

Brian

Don't tell me no one's ever had a Big O at the Big Q?

Michael

I wouldn't know.

Brian

Well, I would. First-hand. And I mean first-hand experience.

Michael

Are you saying...

Brian

Remember last Christmas when I came to pick you up and you were setting up for Santa's Workshop?

Michael

Not Santa. Don't tell me you fucked Santa!

Brian

Even I wouldn't do that. I'm not into fat. His elf!

Michael

You didn't.

Brian

What he lacked for in feet he made up for in inches.

I'm gay, you're gay.

Brian

Yeah, we're all gay. Do you think that means I owe you some favor?

What would they think if they found out that their account exec was involved in a gay sex scandal?

Brian

You mean they wouldn't mind a straight one?

Brian

Homophobic corporate America wins again.

Melanie

Oh, please. You can hang a sign on your office door saying 'Blow Jobs 10 cents' and you'd still have it better than any woman and person of color, because guess what? You're a white man which still counts for something in this country.

Brian

Do you know what we'd turn into if we ate all that?

Michael

A couple of fat flabby fags who nobody would want to fuck ever?

Brian

There was always lots of food at your house.

Michael

That's an Italian thing. And there was always plenty of booze at your house.

Brian

Yeah, well, that's an Irish thing.

Brian

Jesus, it smells like a dirty jockstrap.

Melanie

In that case, you should like it.

Justin

He's majorly hung.

Brian

And for once he's not talking about my cock.

David

Mind your own business!

Brian

He is my business, and he's going to be my business long after you're gone.

Michael

His 12-year-old juggling jazz-playing webmaster, what if he hates me?

Justin

Who?

Michael

David's son.

Brian

Fuck him, he's just a kid.

Michael

He's not just a kid! He's David's son! And you know what that means.

Michael

Well, why don't you get your fairy tale back to work. Isn't there a toilet you need to spit shine?

Brian

Don't be so pathetic, Mikey. He's not gonna hate you.

Michael

What makes you so sure?

Brian

I'm crazy about you.

Brian

[Gus puked on Brian] All over my favorite leather jacket.

Vic

A fashion critic already.

Brian

I'm his father. Who are you?

Melanie

I may be no one. But at least I love him enough to know that his needs come before mine. Which is more than can be said for you.

Brian

I'm gay.

You picked a hell of a fucking time to tell me you're a fairy. As if I don't have enough to deal with. You're the one that should be dying instead of me.

Brian

But I'm not dying, you selfish old prick. You are.