What did Typhoid Mary die of?
Oh, don’t start.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Actually, Ross got it straight away.
Shut your face.
What's the most dangerous thing you can find in doctors waiting rooms?
Ah, a copy of the Daily Telegraph.
[turns out the answer is a teddy bear]
It sounds odd, but a bear can't be wiped down.
You've tried.
You can, obviously...
You've wiped down a lot of bears, come on Stephen.
Now we know why it's called Winnie the Pooh
It's really called Winnie the Filthy Shit.
13.5% of hard toys...
Don't google that whatever you do. Don't google hard toys. Don't google wiping down bears.
Certainly no Winnie the Filthy Shit.
Who's having sex on your face right now?
Bacteria. [To Lucy Porter] It’s usually bacteria, so go with me on this one.
[On the face mites Demodex ]
They have no anuses.
Ooohh, thank God for that!
Unfortunately Alan, unfortunately, the fact they have no anuses, means that when they die, a whole life time of waste is deposited on your face. That is what happens...
Is this 14% of waste you can see?
No. But what...
That's a lovely tan you've got there Stephen...
[On why British children have the best teeth on Earth.]
That we have less filings, maybe that's because we don't go to the dentist at all.
Fewer fillings.
Fewer fillings...
I'm being very silly.
Stephen?
Yes?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
No, it's "To whom?".
Here's the thing about Hitler: History judges him very harshly. But he did kill Hitler.
SHSheila Hancock
I know some actors who pretended to be gay to get out of conscription.
I've known more actors who pretended to be straight...
According to one contemporary report, 171,000 British troops visited the brothels in one street in Le Havre in just one year.
Makes you proud, doesn't it?
How do all-female battles differ from all-male battles?
They tidy up afterwards.
In Scouting for Boys...
Sorry? Your hobby?
[Discussing Punt Guns]
[To Alan Davies] I know you're a Vegetablist, which is fine. What I don't understand about these is if you actually hit a duck it vaporised it. And apart from licking the lake or the grass there's no nutritional value from an atomised layer.
Cadiz is pronounced Cardiff, by the way. If you say Cardiff you're much closer to the way the Spanish say it.
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