[In the first question, Sami Shah sets off a klaxon.]
You're new to QI and I'd like to be merciful. But I'm not going to be.
Alright, fair enough.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[The panel is given names of places, one of which is made up]
In a sense all names are made up, aren't they?
It's really difficult to name a place after yourself, isn't it?
Yup, it is.
The thing to do as an explorer is to get there and then ask your assistant explorers if they can think of a name while reminding them of how they got the job.
[On Mesak Settafet ]
It is known to contain more tools than any other place on Earth.
Apart from Made in Chelsea.
I don't want to make hasty judgements about Pakistan, but...you’ve got the Taliban, hello?
Yeah, but other than them, it's nice.
But Stephen, the Naan! The Naan!
[On how to eat a mango]
There is no dignity. Mangoes are like lobsters. You cannot look cool and eat a mango. You have to decide I'm eating the mango or I'm getting laid tonight.
I'm very proud to be part of a show where we can spend 10 minutes discussing a mango.
Alaska's state motto is North to the future. Don't know what that means, but there it is. They all have mottoes, these states, My favourite one is Kentucky. Kentucky's known, really, for two things.
Fried Chicken.
Well, apart from that. It's called The Bluegrass State, but it's Bourbon and The Kentucky Derby - the race. And somebody came up with a two-word phrase for Kentucky which encapsulates both those things which I think is rather brilliant.
Pissed Horses?
That would do it. No, it's Unbridled Spirit. Isn't that clever? Genuinely clever.
Yeah. No, that's great. That absolutely shits on North to the Future.
[Laughing] It does, doesn't it? It's got to be said.
Because if there's one place you do not want to head north from, it's Alaska. 'Cause there's fuck all of the world there. You want to go south! You want to see stuff... North to the Future maybe you'd say from Argentina.
Who gets the most use out of a man engine?
A woman. [Laughter] Can't believe that [the forfeit klaxon] didn't go off.
Do you want to know what the forfeit was? [Deep voice] 'You do, Stephen.' I said, 'No! No-one's going to say that.' And you didn't.
We’ve moved beyond.
What are the three most manly games?
[After "Rugby" and "Boxing" triggered the forfeit klaxon]
It's not gonna be Tiddlywinks isn't it?
[Forfeit klaxon goes off - TIDDLYWINKS]
C is ultrapure water.
Can I have C?
That’s your choice?
Oh. No.
[Forfeit klaxon goes off – ULTRAPURE]
To be fair, we don't know whether Sue meant C as in C or C as in sea.
You little devil.
[On the taste of ultrapure water ]
It does taste like water, but a little bit more boring.
There are lots of places in the UK named after mammaries. Can you name one?
Boob Town.
[Laughing.] Boob Town? Can you name a real one?
Great Tit-chfield.
The Mountains of Boob.
[Laughing.] The Mountains of Boob.
I haven't understood any of the words so far.
Macerating, what do you think that means?
No, I don't know. Something you do in the garden, I'd've thought.
No, that's masturbating.
You clearly have a much more private garden than I've got.
Which place in the world beginning with M holds the worlds deadest parties?
Milton Keynes.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's QI pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.