[on penguins]
What is it about them that is so endearing?
They're delicious.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
RORichard Osman
There's a story the other day about the American scientist who is there and he decides to turn tinder on. You know tinder? The dating app? And he got a date with a woman in a tent 45 minutes away.
You're kidding me! That's hilarious
[...]
Grindr however: All penguins.
[Stephen has handed out plastic bags to the panel]
Ah, time for the controversial auto-erotic asphyxiation round.
A blue whale at a birthday party? Well, they take up a lot of room. You’d need a big hall.
Yep.
RORichard Osman
That’s good, I think you’re getting there.
Yeah? That’s good encouragement, thanks, Richard.
RORichard Osman
That’s okay.
It’d be fun for the kids to get inside, couldn’t they? Play around.
RORichard Osman
Bouncy castle.
Bouncy asshole, did you say?
RORichard Osman
No. I didn’t, but by all means...
Now, who said, ‘the most beautiful girl or woman in the world would be a matter of indifference to me, but tall soldiers, they are my weakness’?
You did.
[The klaxon goes off – ‘you did’.]
Should we have a klaxon? You want a klaxon?
What are you going to say?
Brucie.
[Forfeit Klaxon goes off - BRUCE FORSYTH]
Obviously, if you're watching...
Love, respect. Everything.
What human endurance record gets broken every 8 months?
Pregnancy.
Can you name a famous person who is kept in cryonic preservation?
Walt Disney.
[Forfeit Klaxon goes off - WALT DISNEY]
Quite a few people believe in cryonic preservation, but Walt Disney?
You need to do that in a more Scottish voice. Once again, more Scottish.
(in Scottish accent) Quite a few people believe in cryonic preservation, but Walt Does'nae.
How many moons does the earth have?
Oh, God.
SSuggs
Most definitely, only one.
[Forfeit Klaxon goes off - ONE]
Oh dear, of course. It had to be that.
What is the moon? I think I'm with him.
They changed it.
[Forfeit Klaxon goes off - ONE, "THE" MOON]
SSuggs
The one and only moon!
What’s the world’s longest experiment?
QI.
Would you rather get an eMail from a Spanish Prisoner or a Nigerian Prince?
A Nigerian Prince.
Why's that? [slightly under-breath] Please pray.
What?
Why's that?
I have no reason, I'm using the 50/50 rule.
Both are pretty bad options, to be honest.
Can you trust a Nigerian Prince?
Have you never had one of those eMails?
No, actually, I don't.
Oh, of course, because Australian Internet connection is so slow, you probably don't even get eMails. You certainly can't download movies or anything. [Colin gets up to leave] I mean, I love the country: it's not your fault.
He's only going over there, because that's the only place he can get Wi-Fi.
[Mocking Stephen] "I love the country, but I do love so much to hang shit on it, as much as I possibly can..."
They deliberately use spelling mistakes and use bad grammar. Why would they do that?
To attract Australians?
[Colin starts throwing things at Alan - gets up to throw mimic throwing his chair]
We already know what Australians are like at losing things. We've known 3 times out of 4.
[Audience applauds]
What's the most recent result?
OK, we'll take 3 out of 4.
Describe the aviation techniques of the concrete arrows.
Concrete can’t really fly, Stephen, can they, cos it’s very heavy.
Well, are you saying a jumbo jet isn’t heavy?
[After a pause.] Good point.
People forget London was on steam in the same way that it was on gas and is now on electricity, and on the broadband, as it were.
How do you spell that? Broadband? B-R- Broadband. [Pretends to write in down.]
Even more of a military leader.
Not Hitler.
Adolf, as you rightly say, Hit-, as you pointed out, -ler.
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