TV show quotes
I was once involved in a workplace romance. It kinda got out of hand. It was a sex explosion. It's really the only way I can describe it. We did it constantly, in vans, in bathrooms, in the bushes. It was non-stop sex.
Hello? Is this work?
This is work-related, Ron. We fucked in the sink. We fucked in the dinghy.
You know, acting is like crime. But instead of using guns or clubs, I assault you with emotions.
Or even knives.
Grab your destiny by the balls and squeeze hard. I'll bet you've never done that in your career.
No, I wouldn't even know where destiny's balls are.
I mean, you might've told me you were married before I fucked you.
Would you have fucked me if I told you I was married first? Gotta split. Good seeing you, Melissa.
This is going to be absolutely magical...
I believe you mean absolutely gay.
Don't be such a homophobe. Nothing gay about a gay wedding.
That's gonna be strike one. One more and I'm gonna report you to Alan Duk.
You know there are three strikes in baseball.
Well, this isn't fucking baseball, weasel face! It's catering!
I want to be called Dennis.
You ever been to an orgy?
Can't say that I have.
Me neither it looks like.
Aw, it's early. A few drinks, people will warm up. Ed, my ex, well, get a couple of beers in that guy and he'd just start yelling for me to make out with my friend Peg.
Did you ever do that?
Gosh, no. Well, I mean, after my divorce. But, it was special.
What is all this shit? Is this what guys like? Sex as a faceless party game?
Uh, I think so. What do you think of Nick?
The host?
Yes.
No, really?
Yes! What do you mean? Single, lawyer, big house.
He's into anonymous cheap sex...
Casey, men aren't like us. To them, sex is a big deal...like sports or...flags.
I'm a terrible liar.
It's not lying, it's... acting. Look, I was an actor; it's easy. You just use the true bits and you fake the fake bits.
And... that's acting?
Most actors aren't bright, so it has to be simple.
Death is not the end, I can tell you that one for sure. When my friend Peg's fiancée got shot, he haunted her apartment.
Woah, he got shot?
Hunting accident. Yeah. Randy had this t-shirt with a big eagle on it, and he came through the bushes, and Peg just... [imitates shotgun firing]
...There's an eagle season?
Duck. But, you know, you see wings, you just react. But let me tell you something: Randy haunted her plumbing until she had to move to a different unit. [shivers]
[taunting] This is it, dog. This is it, bro. Come on, you think you got what it takes? [Garlan's opponent shoots and misses] You don't! HORSE motherfucker!
You dickless weenis!
Biggest my dad ever freaked out was when he found pot in my room.
You smoke pot?
No. I quit. I mean, I'm trying to quit. I am stoned right now, but just a tiny bit.
I hear you may join us at the main office.
Oh...
Capital of North Dakota?
What?
Bismarck! Bone up on your trivia. We're a crazy bunch over there.
[laughing] Ah, trivia. What's green and falls up?
That's not trivia.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Party Down pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
