Ron Donald quotes from Party Down

Ron

Do you know what you get when you hire a Party Down catering team? At Party Down we have a simple motto: it's your party, you deserve to enjoy it, but how are you going to enjoy the party if you're worried about whether the shrimp cocktail has been sitting out too long, or is there enough ice, or do the guests think the party is lame, or are they stealing stuff, or are they going through the medicine cabinet because they're nosy or because they think they might find something that'll give them a rocking buzz? I used to do that last thing. Not anymore. Clean and sober.

Um, wow, that--that--that's quite a motto...

Casey

Ah, you're going for your own look.

Henry

Yeah--

Casey

It's nice.

Henry

--Yeah, I thought I'd go for the "helpful gay pirate" kind of thing.

Casey

[mock consolingly] You don't look helpful.

Ron

Actually, I learned this at the sensitivity seminar, that we do not use that word, okay? I mean, I'm not, but we don't know who may be...

Casey

A pirate?

Henry

Helpful?

Ron

Oh man, what are you gonna think when you walk into a Soup 'R Crackers you see me shaking hands with Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Henry

"The fuck am I doing in a Soup 'R Crackers?"

Ron

[as he is burning the American flag in order to make it look like it's been through battle] You can be two things in life: You can be an achiever or you can be a fuck-up.

Henry

Ok, and which one are you being right now?

Ron

I'm an achiever!

Henry

Well, then, I'm definitely a fuck-up. I gotta say, standing here watching you light a flag on fire in a parking lot... I feel kinda okay about it.

Constance

That's a leg?

Ron

Made footless! By pot.

Ron

[pointing at the Powerpoint presentation of their host] Hey Roman, Google me in ten years, that's going to be me.

Roman

The only way I'm Googling you in ten years is if you get very creative in the way that you kill yourself.

Ron

I wanna show Mr. Stiltskin what true professionalism looks like.

Roman

Like fucking ass-clown? I feel like Lou Ferrigno in this motherfucker.

Henry

We look like we're in the gay secret service or something.

Constance

I was once involved in a workplace romance. It kinda got out of hand. It was a sex explosion. It's really the only way I can describe it. We did it constantly, in vans, in bathrooms, in the bushes. It was non-stop sex.

Ron

Hello? Is this work?

Constance

This is work-related, Ron. We fucked in the sink. We fucked in the dinghy.

Lydia

Death is not the end, I can tell you that one for sure. When my friend Peg's fiancée got shot, he haunted her apartment.

Kyle

Woah, he got shot?

Lydia

Hunting accident. Yeah. Randy had this t-shirt with a big eagle on it, and he came through the bushes, and Peg just... [imitates shotgun firing]

Ron

...There's an eagle season?

Lydia

Duck. But, you know, you see wings, you just react. But let me tell you something: Randy haunted her plumbing until she had to move to a different unit. [shivers]

Biggest my dad ever freaked out was when he found pot in my room.

Ron

You smoke pot?

No. I quit. I mean, I'm trying to quit. I am stoned right now, but just a tiny bit.

I hear you may join us at the main office.

Henry

Oh...

Capital of North Dakota?

Henry

What?

Bismarck! Bone up on your trivia. We're a crazy bunch over there.

Ron

[laughing] Ah, trivia. What's green and falls up?

That's not trivia.

Ron

What don't you understand? It's crystal clear. Ron Donald Do's, okay? The 4 P's and 1 B. Politeness, Professionalism, Perfectionism, Proactive, Be on time.

Roman

I have a proactive suggestion. [goes to white board]

Kyle

You-you know what, I think we get the system.

Ron

Okay, then what don't you understand, Kyle? [to Roman] What are you doing? Don't do that. Don't—

Roman

"Punctuality."

Ron

What? No! Don't do that!

Roman

Now it's 5 P's.

Ron

No! I already have 4 P's. That's an RDD.

Roman

That's a Ron Donald Do?

Ron

No, a Ron Donald Don'ts. "Failure to politeness."

Roman

This is so confusing, Ron.

Kyle

You know what I don't get? Who says you get to be boss?

Ron

I do. As boss I have that authority.

Kyle

You can't do that.

Ron

Yeah, I can, and I did.

Kyle

Okay, well, hey guys, guess what? I'm the boss now.

Ron

You can't do that because you're not the boss. You know, can I finish please? Three RDDs, I dock your pay.

Roman

You can't do that, Ron.

Ron

I can too! And Roman, that's an RDD.

Roman

A Do? This is the dumbest fucking strategy for productivity. [Henry enters]

Kyle

Henry, is Ron really the boss?

Henry

Yeah, Ron's in charge, everybody.

Ron

See? Not that what he says matters.