[to Lisa] I know that you probably hate me. I don't blame you. But believe me, never a day goes by without my thoughts turning to you. Even as I battle stray dogs for scraps of meat in urine-soaked alleys, all I can think of is Lisa Miller.
S5 E16Wino
S5 E17Wedding
[on the phone] My marriage is tomorrow, and I don't care if you had a previous engagement. An oral agreement is like a contract to me. Well, same to you, buddy!
Caterers?
Parents.
[describing Lisa's kisses] Sweet, salty, never dull... that's Lisa.
No, that's microwave popcorn.
S5 E18Ploy
Mr. James, tell Joe he can't copyright my name.
You can't copyright any employee's name.
See?
Because I own the copyrights to all your names.
MJMatthew, Joe
What?
When are you people going to start reading your contracts?
I have spring fever, and there's only one cure for that.
Euthanasia?
S5 E19Padded Suit
[on who to fire] I think there's a much more humane way of dealing with this.
Hmm, a humane way. Hmm. I prefer terror.
Look, why don't you give them a simple task - say, writing up a job description - and hold them to it.
Yeah, and what's the point in that?
Well, it makes them think about what they have to do, and it helps you.
Uh-huh, and what if they fail?
Then you can fire them. Fire 'em all. But they won't fail. I won't let them.
Uh-huh. That's delightful! Prolong the terror, yes! The axe hangs, but it does not fall... not yet.
Lisa, again with the job descriptions. Look, even if Dave does go totally psycho, he's not gonna fire anyone.
Well, what if he does?
Well, what if it's you?
What are you, high?
S5 E20Freaky Friday
Max, the break room is not your personal hunting ground.
I know. I prefer to think of it as a game preserve, where everyone is free to take their best shot.
Joe, we don't need a science reporter.
Dude, I'm offering my services for free.
Yeah, but just so that you can beam your messages to space.
Lucky guess.
S5 E21Retirement
And this is my cabin.
Looks more like a rustic convention center than a cabin, sir.
Well, I bought 50 cabins, dismantled them and then reassembled them into one big-ass cabin.
I must admit, this evening is turning out better than I thought.
You're half loaded.
And you're not?
Halfway doesn't do it for me anymore.
S5 E22New Hampshire
Matthew has never lived more than five miles from his mother in his entire life.
We all have to leave our mothers sometime.
Well, put it this way, Dave: When Matthew's mother dies, I envision him dressing in her clothes and murdering transients.
[Beth finds out that Dave was willing to give her up to keep Lisa from being transferred to the New Hampshire station]
Will Mr. Nelson be needing anything else?
No, that's alright. Thank you.
Am I to understand my services here are no longer required?
That's right.
You son of a bitch! I knew it!
Is this Have Your Secretary Committed Day?
Ah, sarcasm. The last resort of sons of bitches!!!
Matthew, what are you doing under there?
Surprise! Remember how you thought I was going to abandon you? In your dreams, buddy!
Yeah, in my dreams....
So what do you want me to do? We gotta get crackin'. You want me to do some electrical work, do some reporting, read the news, get you some coffee?
You take your pick.
I'm gonna get you some coffee.
Great.
How do you take it?
Hot and black.
How about cold with little things floating on it?
Sounds great.
It's just you and me, pal. You and me... forever!
I know...
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