G. Callen quotes from NCIS: Los Angeles

Hetty

Mr. Callen, Mr. Hanna, should you find yourselves on the roof, there will be no air support. A helicopter would drop like a stone in an EMP. I hope you have a Plan B if you can't stop this thing from firing.

Callen

Sam's working on Plan B.

Sam

I'm working on Plan A. You're working on Plan B.

Callen

We're still working on Plan B.

Hetty

Is that so? Well, I hope it doesn't involve me identifying both of you from your dental records.

Callen

Well, maybe Santa will bring it to her.

Sam

Maybe I'll tell her Uncle Callen said he'd get it for her. "It's okay baby girl, Uncle Callen didn't mean to let you down."

Deeks

That's messed up!

Callen

You wouldn't.

Kensi

You shouldn't!

Sam

Ho ho ho.

Callen

[about Granger] He's here to stay ,isn't he?

Hetty

He's here definitely. How long he stays remains to be seen.

Callen

Should I be worried about you?

Hetty

Not as much as he should be.

Callen

I don't suppose you want to tell me the story of you two.

Hetty

It's still being written.

Callen

I hope it has a happy ending. [leaves]

Hetty

...Not bloody likely.

Granger

Special Agent G. Callen.

Callen

Who are you?

Granger

The direct approach. You know, that's an interesting approach, unless of course, you're walking into a trap.

Sam

Scuttlebutt is Granger's gone.

Hetty

Oh that.

Callen

Do we need t check your trunk?

Hetty

I wish. No, I think this is a temporary reprieve. I think he's off tormenting some other division. He'll come back when he grows bored making their lives a living Hell.

Callen

He's got a grenade!

Deeks

Oh come on! Who does that?

I appreciate your help, but I can't come in with you. I only have *12 hours* to find my family!

Kensi

What if you don't?

Deeks

I don't have much of a choice.

Sam

Are you really prepared to kill Jada?

Deeks

...Please don't try to follow me. I'm sorry.

Hetty

When I'm gone, I'm gone. No ceremony, no memorials, and absolutely no bringing of flowers to my grave.

Callen

Don't worry. There will be none of that.

Hetty

Good.

Callen

From what I hear, Granger is going to have you stuffed in a lifelike pose for his office.

Hetty

Don't be cheeky.

Callen

Thank you. Oh, that's so good. You sure you're not hungry?

Sam

Not now. What the hell is that?

Callen

Fish tacos.

Sam

What kind of fish?

Callen

The kind that swims in the ocean. Mmm.

Sam

How could you eat something without even knowing what it is? That could have been last week's bait, for all you know. Even looks like chum.

Callen

Carlos is the Iron Chef of the food trucks.

Kensi

Smells good over here. What's for lunch?

Sam

Mystery fish.

Deeks

Oh, Deep Sea Surprise is back?

Callen

Help yourself.

Deeks

Seriously? Mm-hmm. Nice. Sharesies?

Kensi

No, thank you. And don't say "sharesies."

Sam

All right. How'd you two make out?

Kensi

Parents are in denial. Their son worked at L. A. County Beach and Harbor and has a girlfriend, Mary Clark, who we are on our way to go see now.

Deeks

[eating a fish taco] This is delicious.

Sam

Too bad you don't know what it is.

Deeks

Sure I do. It's a Lake Superior white fish. I'd say caught in a gill net. Probably two or three days ago.

Sam

[groans]

Deeks

What? I'm a surfer I know my fish.

Kensi

Yeah, he's kind of like a trained seal, only without the "trained" part.

Sam

Or the "SEAL" part.

Callen

She blew me off.

Sam

I ignore you all the time; it never bothered you before.

Callen

Something's up.

Sam

Something's always up with Hetty.

Callen

The man who can keep a secret may be wise, but he is not half as wise as the man who has no secrets to keep.

Hetty

Edgar Watson Howe. And yet it's a necessary evil in our business, I'm afraid.

Callen

I know that look.

Sam

You're starting to sound like my wife. You know what they say when your partner starts sounding like your wife?

Callen

Get a new wife?

Sam

I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that.

Kensi

Well, if you must know, I've killed another house plant. That is fourteen since July.

Deeks

Wait. That's it? That's the source of your sourness?

Kensi

It was a cactus.

Callen

You killed something that thrives in Death Valley?

Nell

Can I ask you guys a question?

Callen

Go ahead.

Nell

Um, when do you stop being afraid of you know, busting into places, guns blazing?

Callen

When you trust your training.

Nell

That's easier said than done.

Deeks

Do we get a safety word?

Sam

What do you think?

Deeks

I was hoping for a yes.

Kensi

This isn't one of your bondage sessions, Deeks.

Deeks

She's kidding, but if you hear me yell noodles that means I'm in trouble.

Callen

If I hear you yell noodles, I'm gonna shoot you myself.

Kensi

Look, I am taking a leap here with this babysitting thing. It would be really nice to have my partner there to back me up. That is, if he takes me up on it.

Deeks

You want to play house?

Callen

They want to play house, Sam. At your house, when you're not there.

Sam

Oh, yeah? I have nanny cams. Everywhere.

Deeks

That's okay, 'cause I do some of my best work on camera.

Kensi

Oh, thank you for an image I will never be able to get out of my head.