Many families throughout the country observe the custom of saying Grace at mealtime.
CACrow [as Father]
Please, God, take me now...
“Invasion USA”
In this episode: Mike Nelson (17), Narrator (15), Crow T. Robot (14), Tom Servo (14), Carla (2), Vince (2)
[As Father begins passing food.]
[in a British accent] Field Marshall Montgomery sits down to eat. Yes, it's smashing, it's a good day...
[Father passes a food-laden plate to Daughter.]
They converse pleasantly while Dad serves.
MAMike [as Daughter]
No, I-- I'll just have Saltines.
I said "pleasantly", for that is the keynote at dinnertime. It is not only good manners, but good sense.
CACrow [as Narrator]
Emotions are for ethnic people.
Pleasant, unemotional conversation helps digestion.
SAServo [as Narrator]
I can't stress "unemotional" enough.
Father serves Mother first, then Daughter.
MAMike [as Narrator]
Let's go to the flowchart for this.
. . .
CACrow [as Narrator]
And be sure to make a plate for the narrator.
SAServo [as Narrator]
A violent argument erupts over whose day was more pleasant.
SAServo [as Narrator]
Remember, always cut the meat of the person to your left.
No one starts eating until Father has served himself.
MAMike [as Narrator]
THIS MEANS YOU!
Always wait for the hostess...
SAServo [as Narrator]
to seat you.
...in this case Mother, to begin eating before you start.
MAMike [as Narrator]
Father feigns eating, draws Junior out, then disowns him!
CACrow [as Father]
I'm moving to Fire Island, dear.
Be sure to tell Mother how good the food is.
MAMike [as Narrator]
...even as you gag on it.
[Brother gives the "okay" sign.]
SAServo [as Brother]
It stinks!
Don't monopolize the conversation and go on and on without stopping. Nothing destroys the charm of a meal more quickly.
MAMike [as Narrator]
…than having a personality.
Don't make unkind comparisons about your stand[ard of] living. The dinner table is no place for discontent. It makes Dad and Mother uncomfortable and unhappy.
CACrow [as Narrator]
…and they already dislike you enough.
[Father has an extremely irritated look on his face.]
MAMike [as Father]
Well. That settles it. Spankings all around, then.
Do you begin to see now how a date with your family can be a truly special occasion?
MAMike [as Narrator]
Do you? DO YOU?
And why Brother and Sister looked forward to the evening?
MAMike [as Narrator]
WELL, DO YOU? BETTER SAY "YES", DAMMIT!
When the dinner hour at home is treated with a certain amount of graciousness and ceremony, it can be memorable. There is no family so poor but that the evening meal can be eaten in an atmosphere of warmth and gentleness.
SAServo [as Narrator]
...and control and repression.
[As the short ends]
CCrow
You know, this makes me want to heat up a Libbyland frozen dinner and eat in front of the TV!
SAServo [as Announcer]
Now enjoy some refreshments in the lobby!
[waves goodbye] Bye-bye, everyone.
CCrow
A Simmel-Mervay release.
Invasion USA (movie)
[Over the opening credits...]
Starring these people and Chuck Norris.
. . .
[The credit "Directed by Alfred E. Green" appears onscreen]
CCrow
What, me direct?
PPilot
Control tower, request landing instructions.
TSTom Servo [as flight controller]
[irate] Well, just keep coming down until you're not in the sky anymore! Don't you know how to land?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.