Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 5
“Last Clear Chance (short)” · Season 5
In this episode: Tom Servo (8), Crow T. Robot (7), Patrolman (6), Mike Nelson (2)
[The short starts with cars driving into a cemetery]
Jack Kevorkian throws a tailgating party!
Save some for me!
[A pink car can be seen]
Oh, look, the Pepto-Bismol car.
Never let this happen to you. Don't make the mistake these people made. Don't die.
I suppose I should have gone in for a few minutes...
[The picture suddenly loses focus and moves up and down for a second]
...but I just couldn't do it.
Because of the tear in the sprocket holes.
I could say goodbye from here.
GOODBYE!
Frank's girl Betty Hutkins was waiting for him, of course. Everyone knew they'd be getting married before too long.
When will we be getting married?
Before too long.
Whenever there's a hazard on the road, there's usually a sign to tell you about it. Like a curve warning or a "Right Of Way" sign, "Narrow Bridge", "Signals Ahead", "Do Not Enter", "No Passing", and many others.
"All Nude Girls".
"Whites Only".
...the entering car that fails to yield the right of way.
[An ominous black car skids into the street, nearly hitting a car that's forced to move into another lane]
The paid assassin cruising through town.
And yet, many people who have lived through a crossing accident will say--
AAAAAH!
[Mike and Crow look at Servo strangely.]
That's what they say.
[after a long lecture on how small mistakes can lead to catastrophes, the accident approaches with Frank Jr. turning around completely in his car seat to wave at his brother behind him, and keeping this up for nearly a minute without paying any attention to the road ahead]
Hey, the cop never said anything about doing intensely stupid things!
Hi. I'm Trooper Tom Servo. Well, I've seen it all, stared into the gapin' maw of death, and I'm here to remind you of the horror that lurks everywhere. No, don't get up. You young people can take things for granted, such as your sandwiches. Oh, I know, you're just going to eat that sandwich a little bit, with a little bit of mayo, and a little bit of hard salami.
[stabs himself in the eye with the corner of his sandwich] AAAHHHHH!!!
Why don't they look?
Listen, brother! Nearly forty... uh, forty percent of all accidents, represent, uh, nearly half of all accidents. But who cares? Have fun with your lint trap! Nothing will happen to you. It will happen to the other guy!
[sticks lint into his eye] AAHHHHH!!!!
Why don't they-- [Mike sticks lint in his other eye and screams again] Why don't they look?
Well say, hot plates are sure fun! Well, they're boss! They're cool! Until...
[shoves the hot plate against the side of his face] AHHHHH!!!
Why don't they--
Well why do I even bother with the brainless gibbons who live in this stinking hole of a town?! Well, I wash my hands of it, brother! Pah! [wanders off, muttering]
Wow... little guy really gets into his roll, doesn't he?
[as the light on the desk starts flashing] Oh, ah hey, wonder what the Mads want?
Oh, mad scientists! Ah, you can have a lot of fun with mad scientists, until someone loses an eye!
[collapses after trying to hit the button with his face several times and knocking himself out]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
