Hi. I'm Trooper Tom Servo. Well, I've seen it all, stared into the gapin' maw of death, and I'm here to remind you of the horror that lurks everywhere. No, don't get up. You young people can take things for granted, such as your sandwiches. Oh, I know, you're just going to eat that sandwich a little bit, with a little bit of mayo, and a little bit of hard salami.
[stabs himself in the eye with the corner of his sandwich] AAAHHHHH!!!
Why don't they look?
Listen, brother! Nearly forty... uh, forty percent of all accidents, represent, uh, nearly half of all accidents. But who cares? Have fun with your lint trap! Nothing will happen to you. It will happen to the other guy!
[sticks lint into his eye] AAHHHHH!!!!
Why don't they-- [Mike sticks lint in his other eye and screams again] Why don't they look?
Well say, hot plates are sure fun! Well, they're boss! They're cool! Until...
[shoves the hot plate against the side of his face] AHHHHH!!!
Why don't they--
Well why do I even bother with the brainless gibbons who live in this stinking hole of a town?! Well, I wash my hands of it, brother! Pah! [wanders off, muttering]
Wow... little guy really gets into his roll, doesn't he?
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