Kenny quotes from My Boys

Kenny

Dear Brendan, Ever since you got named in that sexy Chicago thing you've been kind of douchey. When you tried to get me to buy the new Fergie album it made me feel so lonely. I want you to get better. PS. I don't understand your girl jeans.

Brendan

So guys, I have some, uh... yeah, I guess we can call it news... Well, I was gonna come up and say this...

You broke up with Wendy.

Brendan

Yeah, how did you know?

Dude, you've broken up with her like 83 times. It was a good guess.

Kenny

Yeah, it´s like either you ate a hot dog today or you broke up with Wendy.

Mike

Yeah, it´s like you played Metallica on your radio show today or you broke up with Wendy.

It´s like you broke up with Wendy today or you broke up with Wendy.

Kenny

Are you gonna be good? Because PJ's really good.

I'm gonna be... I'm gonna try my best.

Kenny

Oh, he's one of those people who says stupid things like that.

[sits silent]

Kenny

Okay, just, give me a clue, clock's ticking.

Uh, uh...

Kenny

Anything, just say anything.

Uh...

Brendan

Nothin'.

Oh, uh, alright.

Kenny

Okay, you have to say something. You got to, just say any word at this point.

[talking over each other] Alright.

Kenny

We're running out of...

Alright, alright.

Kenny

A clue, please, a clue.

Alright, alright, alright.

Kenny

A clue, a clue, a clue.

Alright. K-k-k-k.

Kenny

You're just going, k-k-k-k, and I don't know if it's a fit or a clue.

It's... it's round.

Kenny

A basketball, a baseball, the world, a planet.

No, no, no, no. It's not.. but it's not "round", it's... round.

Kenny

Uh, it's a car without a top.

Broken car.

Kenny

No. Uh, it's the kind of car you might take to the beach, but it's the car where you push a button and the top comes down.

Beach car.

Kenny

I don't know if you have a virus... or why you don't work properly.

You're not still giving me hints, are you?

Brendan

[laughing] Ah, that's money.

Was it a dune buggy?

Kenny

A convertible!

A convertible what?

[together] Soooooooo-rrrrrrrrry.

Kenny

You're not sorry. Okay, you're not sorry at all.

Mike

Yeah!

You know what, apology not accepted.

Kenny

I would like a sincere apology.

Mike

It's sorry with an exclamation point. There's no apology, it's an "I'm sorry for you."

Alright. [pulls card] Sooo-rrry. Oh, it is a game of revenge, isn't it?

It's too hard!

Kenny

It's for ages three and up.

Mike

Princess Frostine.

Kenny

She's kind of cute.

Mike

Bonjour, princess.

I hope that's a lollipop...

Kenny

Well, now that he's history, I think it's safe to tell you that Mike couldn't stand him.

Mike

Oh! I liked him more than you did!

Kenny

That's not saying much.

Okay, that was Greg Zonar, and I didn't date him, he was stalking me.

Kenny

Mike stalked a girl once. But, Mike stalks a lot of girls.

Kenny

Fine, we start and finish on three. No fingernails, no disengaging your grip early. In the event of a dispute, we're gonna bring in a neutral party...

Mike

I know the rules of a thumb fight!

Kenny

I'm going on the record, I think Dani's great.

Puh-lease.

Kenny

Come on, she's cool, she's funny, she's sm—

Don't you dare say smart!

Kenny

Smurfy.

Stephanie

That's the only word you can think of that begins with "sm"?

You were gonna say smart. About a woman who thought she was having dinner in another state.

Brendan

You know what, guys, I feel like I've seen her before.

Oh hey, does this help jog your memory? [begins making porn music sounds and talking in a whispery voice] Oh, Mr. Cable Man—

Stephanie

[in a deep voice] Yes?

[in porn voice] I want all your channels!

Brendan

Wow, dinner and a movie.

Kenny

I've seen this one.

Mike

Come on, Kenny, the guy tried to bring a goat into Wrigley Field.

Kenny

The goat had a ticket.

Brendan

It wasn't Goat Day.

Kenny

That's why he bought a ticket. Otherwise he'd have got in free.

Kenny

Mexican Freddy's really not Mexican.

Sure, just like they call fat guys "tiny" or ugly guys "handsome."

Kenny

What?

You know what I'm talking about, handsome.

Mike

This is just the beginning. Today, The Turk Vardell Show. Tomorrow, SportsCenter.

Kenny

For two years. Then, The PJ Franklin Show. [Kenny and Mike scat an improvised theme song ending with PJ]

Brendan

Oh man, you're gonna be huge. National. I mean, you're gonna become America's sweetheart.

Bobby

Then you'll buy an enormous mansion, marry a rock star, develop a drug problem, become a recluse, disappear for a while... you know, lots of rumours that you're dead.

Mike

Then you're not! You reemerge with a brief stint on a cheesy reality show because you gotta lose the recluse weight.

Kenny

Then, you get your comeback. The New PJ Franklin Show. Same theme song! [Kenny and Mike do PJ theme song again]

Bobby

And then, it's time to write your crappy children's book, Even Unicorns Say I'm Sorry. [Kenny and Mike scat some more.]

Mike

Sweet! Oh we are totally going. Oh, there will be a ton of women there hoping to glom on to one of the sexy bachelors.

Kenny

But we're not one of 'em.

Mike

Nope, but we know one. So we hover around Brando all night and when the moment's right, bang!

Kenny

Bang!

Mike

We swoop in to snag his drunken castoffs.

[falsetto] Daddy, how did you meet Mommy? [deep voice] Well dear, Mommy was a drunken castoff.

Bobby

Yeah, see, she wanted to go home with Uncle Brando that night, but Daddy was in the right place at the right time.

Daddy, do you think I can be a drunken castoff someday?

Dare to dream, sweetie. Goodnight.