Mike quotes from My Boys

Mike

Hey, what do you guys think would be the worst way to die? I'm gonna say being hit in the balls with lightning... or old age. Long and slow, that's no way to go.

Mike

Man, I can't believe Meredith is cool. I don't know what to believe anymore.

Mike

After the third date chicks start expecting something.

Like a fourth date?

Brendan

So guys, I have some, uh... yeah, I guess we can call it news... Well, I was gonna come up and say this...

You broke up with Wendy.

Brendan

Yeah, how did you know?

Dude, you've broken up with her like 83 times. It was a good guess.

Kenny

Yeah, it´s like either you ate a hot dog today or you broke up with Wendy.

Mike

Yeah, it´s like you played Metallica on your radio show today or you broke up with Wendy.

It´s like you broke up with Wendy today or you broke up with Wendy.

Brendan

You know what I mean, right? Nothing happened.

Hum... huh.

Brendan

What "huh"?

Brendan, you got a bootie-call.

Brendan

What? No, I told you nothing happened. We just talked.

No I know. See, sex is the guy´s bootie-call, you got the girl bootie-call.

Mike

The girl bootie call?

Yeah, it's the most complex of all bootie-calls. You see, with the girl bootie-call she needs that emotional fix. You know, the "hold me I'm scared", "I´m so lonely here without you." The minute she finds somebody else, you're out.

Mike

Bottom line is that we need to go out and be piggish without you looking over our shoulders and, let's be honest, judging the prey that we then... snare.

Oh my god, that's disgusting. And shut up, I would not be judgmental of your women, okay? I never said anything about that total North suburban whore that you went up to Wisconsin... and shut up again, I know what I just did!

Bobby

Why don't you guys just move it a night?

Mike

Move the Decathlon? Blasphemer!

[told he can play in the Decathlon] Really? Seriously? Okay.

Mike

You know, uh, two seconds ago I just heard you say that the Decathlon was stupid.

Yeah, well you know, it is stupid, if I wasn't participating.

No, you can't start with Jenga, I wanna watch Jenga.

Mike

Wow, you made your choice there, PJ. You know we'd all like to put on a pretty top and go out tonight.

[together] Soooooooo-rrrrrrrrry.

Kenny

You're not sorry. Okay, you're not sorry at all.

Mike

Yeah!

You know what, apology not accepted.

Kenny

I would like a sincere apology.

Mike

It's sorry with an exclamation point. There's no apology, it's an "I'm sorry for you."

Alright. [pulls card] Sooo-rrry. Oh, it is a game of revenge, isn't it?

Brendan, tell me your heaviest piece of furniture.

Brendan

Thousand pound bed!

Mike

[echoing] Thousand pound... bed. Why would you say thousand pound bed?

Mike

Princess Frostine.

Kenny

She's kind of cute.

Mike

Bonjour, princess.

I hope that's a lollipop...

Mike

Hey, just for the sake of argument... it was this week?

Yes.

Is that what you called?

Brendan

It is, pay it up! Come on!

Mike

You couldn't hold out until Halloween, could you?

Wait a second here, you guys bet on when I would break up with Hank?

Brendan

Oh yeah, we do it for all the guys you date.

It's the first time I lost.

Oh, I'm so sorry to disappoint you.

Kenny

Well, now that he's history, I think it's safe to tell you that Mike couldn't stand him.

Mike

Oh! I liked him more than you did!

Kenny

That's not saying much.

Kenny

Fine, we start and finish on three. No fingernails, no disengaging your grip early. In the event of a dispute, we're gonna bring in a neutral party...

Mike

I know the rules of a thumb fight!