BrendanSo guys, I have some, uh... yeah, I guess we can call it news... Well, I was gonna come up and say this...
Brendan
Yeah, how did you know?
Dude, you've broken up with her like 83 times. It was a good guess.
Yeah, it´s like either you ate a hot dog today or you broke up with Wendy.
Yeah, it´s like you played Metallica on your radio show today or you broke up with Wendy.
It´s like you broke up with Wendy today or you broke up with Wendy.
Brendan
You know what I mean, right? Nothing happened.
Brendan
What "huh"?
Brendan, you got a bootie-call.
Brendan
What? No, I told you nothing happened. We just talked.
No I know. See, sex is the guy´s bootie-call, you got the girl bootie-call.
Yeah, it's the most complex of all bootie-calls. You see, with the girl bootie-call she needs that emotional fix. You know, the "hold me I'm scared", "I´m so lonely here without you." The minute she finds somebody else, you're out.
No no no no no... this is going to be a very bad idea.
Brendan
Oh don't you start on me now, too... I get enough from her.
You look too good and there's an ex-girlfriend involved and a wedding.
Wendy is going to take one look at you in that suit and either start hating you from breaking up with her or wanting you back and either way it's going to be bad bad bad.
Brendan
You guys are being ridiculous! Alright, look. We are gonna go to the wedding, we are gonna eat our dried out chicken, we are gonna dance the celebration and when the open bar turns to a cash bar, we go our separate ways... oh so the tie works? Cause I wasn't sure to go bow or not.
My god! You love that you look that good!
Brendan
No... no no no no... do you think it will work?
[playing $20,000 Pyramid]
Okay, just, give me a clue, clock's ticking.
Anything, just say anything.
Brendan
Nothin'.
[Kenny points at his watch, fidgets]
Okay, you have to say something. You got to, just say any word at this point.
[talking over each other] Alright.
Alright, alright, alright.
You're just going, k-k-k-k, and I don't know if it's a fit or a clue.
A basketball, a baseball, the world, a planet.
No, no, no, no. It's not.. but it's not "round", it's... round.
[later]
Uh, it's a car without a top.
No. Uh, it's the kind of car you might take to the beach, but it's the car where you push a button and the top comes down.
I don't know if you have a virus... or why you don't work properly.
You're not still giving me hints, are you?
Brendan
[laughing] Ah, that's money.
[playing Sorry!]
BMBrendan and Mike
[together] Soooooooo-rrrrrrrrry.
You're not sorry. Okay, you're not sorry at all.
You know what, apology not accepted.
I would like a sincere apology.
It's sorry with an exclamation point. There's no apology, it's an "I'm sorry for you."
Alright. [pulls card] Sooo-rrry. Oh, it is a game of revenge, isn't it?
Hey, just for the sake of argument... it was this week?
Brendan
It is, pay it up! Come on!
You couldn't hold out until Halloween, could you?
Wait a second here, you guys bet on when I would break up with Hank?
Brendan
Oh yeah, we do it for all the guys you date.
It's the first time I lost.
Oh, I'm so sorry to disappoint you.
I'm going on the record, I think Dani's great.
Come on, she's cool, she's funny, she's sm—
Don't you dare say smart!
That's the only word you can think of that begins with "sm"?
You were gonna say smart. About a woman who thought she was having dinner in another state.
Brendan
You know what, guys, I feel like I've seen her before.
Oh hey, does this help jog your memory? [begins making porn music sounds and talking in a whispery voice] Oh, Mr. Cable Man—
[in porn voice] I want all your channels!
Brendan
Wow, dinner and a movie.
I made out with my 10th grade English teacher, Miss Francis.
No, nonononono! It was two years ago, not when I was in high school. That would have been totally creepy.
Brendan
Did you call her Miss Francis?
Brendan
That's still pretty creepy.
[PJ announces she will be a guest on a TV show]
This is just the beginning. Today, The Turk Vardell Show. Tomorrow, SportsCenter.
For two years. Then, The PJ Franklin Show. [Kenny and Mike scat an improvised theme song ending with PJ]
Brendan
Oh man, you're gonna be huge. National. I mean, you're gonna become America's sweetheart.
Then you'll buy an enormous mansion, marry a rock star, develop a drug problem, become a recluse, disappear for a while... you know, lots of rumours that you're dead.
Then you're not! You reemerge with a brief stint on a cheesy reality show because you gotta lose the recluse weight.
Then, you get your comeback. The New PJ Franklin Show. Same theme song! [Kenny and Mike do PJ theme song again]
And then, it's time to write your crappy children's book, Even Unicorns Say I'm Sorry. [Kenny and Mike scat some more.]
TTrouty
Hey, Sportin' Life, what number sexy are you?
Uh, I'm not on the list, Trouty.
TTrouty
What? Interrobang? What happened? Do you photograph puffy? Were you having a bad hair day? Although, you do kind of actively pursue that. I'm phmished. Ampersand flummoxed.
Actually, Brendan is on the list, so.
TTrouty
What number sexy are you?
Brendan
Thirty-seven.
TTrouty
[winces] Slam! No man, that's cool. I mean, the important thing is that you're all up in there swinging.
[As a tour guide on a double-decker bus] Ladies and gentlemen, you've been such a wonderful crowd. I'd like to do a little tune for you now. It's one of my personal favorites. And I'd like to dedicate it to a man who thinks we hasn't seen anything good today. Brendan Dorff, this one's for you.
Brendan
Wait, wait! I saw lots of good things today: Mike got into art, Kenny broke out of his slump, three guys want to take P.J. to Italy...
Shut up, I'm singing anyway. [Singing] Danke schoen, darling, danke schoen...
My Boys · 60 quotes
