Muppets Tonight · Season 1, Episode 7
“Sandra Bullock” · Season 1, Episode 7
In this episode: Clifford (3), Rizzo the Rat (2), Bobo (2), Bobo the Bear (1), Gonzo (1), Andy (1), Pepe (1), Seymour (1)
[Andy and Randy are answering the phone]
What? The winner of what?! $14,000,000!?!?! Well, no, thank you. We cannot count that high. [they both hang up]
Man, you pigs are stupid! I can't believe that you just turned down $14,000,000!
Oh, we didn't. It was for you.
Man, that Sandra Bullock is cute, isn't she?
Well, I dunno, she's not my type. Not enough fat on her, you know? Yeah, she'll never make it through the winter, that's for sure.
[The phone rings]
[answers the phone] Homicide, how can I help you?
Alright, man. Listen and listen good.
Okay.
There's a bomb in your studio.
Oh, I know: I read this week's script too. [laughs] Have, have a good day, sir! [puts phone down. The mad bomber tries again]
Don't hang up again!!!
Ok, whatever you say, sir:
Now, listen to me, and listen carefully!
Ok.
I have something very important to tell you!
Oh, ah, eh, Should I write this down?
Yes, it's important!
Okay, eh, well, I'm gonna need to put you on hold, sir. I need to find a pencil.
Hey, no! [gets put on hold while listening to the tune of "The Rainbow Connection"] D'oh!
How am I gonna keep the ratings above 50?
Well, first off, you gotta get rid of this act. Ugh!
[Shows two Muppets with flat faces banging their heads against anvils to the music of the Anvil Chorus]
Aw, man!
[Seinfeld Babies]
I don't understand the concept of changin. Why do they call it changing? My parents say they gonna change me, but then after they do, I'm exactly the same!
[A bomb will explode if ratings drop below 50]
Hey, hey, hey, put us on, we've got an act!
Are we that desperate?
Yes, go, go, go, come on!
Hahahah, Richard...
[Seymour and Pepe perform their song for the first time on the air]
I'm Seymour.
I'm Pepe.
We're two of a kind.
I'm a little bit forward,
and I've got a big behind.
Hey, Seymour, what do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhino?
Gee, Pepe, I don't know.
Ela-if I-know.
[Even the laugh track didn't think that was funny]
[Clifford is depressed because Dennis Quaid is good at everything]
[to Clifford] Oh, oh, oh, well: Dennis Quaid is doing great! Yeah yeah, you know: you guys really ought to do this show together, you know, well, we can call it the, er, the Dennis Quaid and Clifford Muppet Good Time Hour Featuring Dennis Quaid! Huhhuh, haa!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Muppets Tonight pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
