“Mr. Monk and the Red-Headed Stranger” quotes from Monk

He knows more about everybody than they do.

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[Monk, Sharona, Stottlemeyer and Disher are in Stottlemeyer's office]

Close the door. [Randy closes the door] What you are about to see cannot leave this room. The tabloids would pay a million dollars for this videotape. It's from the surveillance camera near the crime scene. [Randy presses play on the tape]

The alley's a dead end. This is the only way in. The side door to the radio station was wired to an alarm, so we know it wasn't opened.

The bottom line: we can tell for sure who was or was not there. [Monk pretends playing the clarinet] What the hell are you doing? [Monk signals to Stottlemeyer to wait a minute]

Oh, uh, he's practicing.

Really?

Willie Nelson invited him to sit in with his band.

Well, he may be live from Folsom Prison. Check this out. Go ahead. [Randy presses play on the tape. On the tape, Mrs. Mass pass by the camera as she enters the alleyway, tapping her cane as she feels around] Yeah, there goes Mrs. Mass. Tap, tap, tap. She goes into the alley. Fast-forward. [Randy fast forwards the tape a few minutes; Sonny Cross walks by the camera] And there goes the soon-to-be-late Sonny Cross. [A few seconds after Sonny Cross enters, Willie Nelson runs past the camera] And there goes Willie Nelson. Nobody else goes in or out. Pretty much a slam dunk.

Are you gonna arrest him?

D.A.'s ready to move. I'm waiting for some tests from the lab. Maybe tomorrow. [turns to Randy] Call your mom. Tell her to set the VCR. We're gonna be on the 6:00 news.

Captain, what about the note on the door?

My videotape trumps your note. Ask any lawyer.

I don't know.

Monk, look. My heroes have been always been cowboys too. It's either "A," the blind woman, who has zero motive, or it's "B," your buddy, the Red-Headed Stranger.

Who had motive, means and opportunity, and was the identified by the only witness at the scene.

"A" or "B", Monk?

I think it's "C".

"C"? What the hell is "C"?

I don't know yet.

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[Radio jockey Kenny Freedman introduces Willie Nelson and his band]

KFKenny Freedman

We're back. I'm Little Kenny Freedman. You're listening to Three Chord Monte on KNGY. We are very excited to have live in our studio the legendary Willie Nelson. I know you've been reading a lot about Willie in the papers. Everybody seems to have an opinion on "the incident". But tonight, we're gonna forget about all that and enjoy the music. Willie, would you like to introduce the band?

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So, what's the plan?

Well, you know how they handled the O.J. case down in Los Angeles? We do the opposite. Where are we?

Uh, same as I told you on the phone, sir. Mrs. Mass is reasonably sure that she can recognize the assailant's voice.

Reasonably sure. [turns to Mrs. Mass] Excuse me, Mrs. Mass? Do you listen to country and western music?

WMWendy Maas

No, I like classical.