FSFuture Simon
It's gonna be alright. I should know. I'm from the future.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I need to find Alisha. We had a big fight.
Hey, man. Love hurts, okay. It chews you up and spits you out... [looks at Simon] like a big ball of mucus.
[To Vince] Remove the tattoos, or I open the nuts.
He stabs me and you're offering him peanuts?
Nuts are his kryptonite... like in Superman!
Do we become famous?
FSFuture Simon
Do you want to be famous?
It's got to be better than picking up litter.
FSFuture Simon
Sometimes I think that was the best time of my life.
I'm not being funny, yeah, but, is this doing anything for you?
Well, you know I'm a guy. We're really not that fussy.
It just feels all wrong, like I'm doing it with my cousin or something.
If you want to spunk all over a girl's tattoos, just ask them, yeah?
Hi. I've got to go do my Community Service. I guess you know that, cos I'm going to see you there. So... are we seeing each other now?
Yes.
I can't lie to Curtis. I can't do that to him.
You have to.
What, you want me to keep on seeing him?
The present me isn't ready for what has to happen. You have to give me time.
[Sighs] Will you stop being so fucking mysterious?
It goes with the territory.
Yeah, well, it's annoying!
You have to trust me. Just let it play out.
I just realized I haven't died this week.
It's only Thursday. There's still time.
Now why would you say something like that? Twat!
So you don't love me any more?
OK. So I loved you. Big deal.
I think we should talk about it.
I so wanna hear this.
[To Simon] If we'd have... [whistles], that would've been the best sex you've ever had. Correction. That would've been the only sex you've ever had.
Do you ever get embarrassed of anything?
Not really, no.
[Appears in locker room] Hey.
Who's the new guy?
What's your name again?
It's Ollie.
Right. These are some other young offenders. He's going to be doing this Community Service thing with you lot.
Are you saying he's like a new member of the gang?
Whatever. Look, piss off and pick up some litter.
Whatever happens, we can't let the new guy find out about our powers.
What do we do if he does find out?
We kill him. [Smirking] I'm joking.
[Chuckles and up to Simon's face] You're making jokes now? Excuse us. You're creeping out of your weird little shell, I get that. Good for you. But let's get one thing straight: I'm the funny guy round here.
[Sees Ollie walking through interior windows] He's coming.
All right?
What did you get done for?
I was arrested for vandalizing a coal-fired power station. We were protesting against CO2 emissions. [Nathan derisively groans]
Have any of you got one of these weird powers?
What?
What powers?
I was only asking because I've got one.
Oh, yeah, us too. [Ollie smirks playing with ear] I don't think I was supposed to tell you that.
What can you do?
I can teleport. (LAUGHS)
Let's see you do it, then. [Ollie shuts eyes straining and disappears]
Whoa! [Ollie clears throat] Oh!
That's shit. You could've walked there quicker.
Sometimes I go further than that.
That's really impressive.
I honestly thought something more exciting was going to happen.
JCJimmy Cisco
[Pulls up in vehicle and gets out] Where's Conti?
[Uses trash picker upper to gesture to Simon] Oh, it's him. He's a right Conti.
JCJimmy Cisco
Did you think I was going to let it go? I want my money.
Give the man his money.
I haven't got your money.
JCJimmy Cisco
[Focuses on Kelly seeing her as a video game character Roxy] Roxy? So you're with him now? I was still waiting for you at the church when the cops picked me up.
Not being funny, mate, but you're acting like a right nutter.
You're clearly suffering from some kind of mental illness.
JCJimmy Cisco
I want my money.
Let me talk to him.
Don't. Look, just leave it.
It's okay. I've had some training in conflict resolution.
This should be entertaining.
What's your name? It's okay. I'm not going to hurt... [walks forward and Jimmy shoots Ollie in the head with all community servers fleeing]
Hey no, it's okay. He's fine, he's over there!
I don't see him.
Oh. Then that must be his ghost, which means he's not at all okay, on account of him being dead.
[All community servers are lying on rooftop]
He shot him! He shot the new guy!
We should go back for him.
He was hit in the head! He's fucked!
[Peers over rooftop edge and sees Ollie walking by lakeshore] Hey no, it's okay. He's fine, he's over there!
I don't see him.
Oh. Then that must be his ghost, which means he's not at all okay, on account of him being dead.
This is messed up.
[Ollie sits on bench] Hey...! New guy! Sorry you got shot, man! [Ollie flicks him off]
[Reciprocates gesture to Ollie's ghost] Hey, fuck you!
What was that?
He just got shot in the face and you're insulting him?
He made an obscene gesture. I don't care if he's dead. There's no excuse for rudeness.
He made an obscene gesture!
I don't care if he's dead! There's no excuse for rudeness!
You should rewind time. You can save him. Go on, then.
[Sighs] Well, I didn't know him. I'm not feeling it.
Yeah, he was a bit of a twat.
There's something wrong wi' you.
Oh, come on, seriously? He was never going to fit in, what with all the caring about the environment and that. Better him than me.
You're immortal.
...Better him than one of you.
It's a cruel senseless waste. [Shaun sighs] A young man taken from us in his prime, leaving us to pick up the pieces of our shattered lives, knowing that he's gone forever. [Shaun sighs] So maybe we should have the rest of the week off, you know, to cry, and grieve, and remember our dear friend... [pauses to try to remember Ollie's name]
Ollie.
Ollie! Dear, beautiful Ollie.
[later on]
Heartless bastard.
I think I speak for all of us when I say we're lazy and incompetent. We're practically handicapped!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Misfits pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.