Ella Simms quotes from Melrose Place

Ella

[after Jonah decides to make changes to Boomkat's music video] Okay, Jonah, spit out the LSD. The label approved the storyboards. You can't change anything.

Jonah

Ella, this video is flat. Taryn looks like the Tin Man who's in serious need of some WD-40.

[after Jonah finishes shooting the video] So, you're coming to the loft party, right?

Jonah

Uh, I don't know. That's the first I've heard of it.

Oh. Well, apparently, there's a stripper pole in one of the bedrooms. So, I was thinking you could grab that camera and direct me in something a little more private.

Jonah

That sounds like a very interesting project, but... I'm gonna have to pass.

So I guess it's true: once gun-shy, always gun-shy. Pow. Bye.

Ella

What, you're not into rock stars? Guess schoolteacher's more your speed.

Jonah

It's been a long day, Ella.

Ella

You're not seriously going home to your bride-in-waiting?

Jonah

Yeah, I treated her like crap today, El. None of this means anything unless I have someone to share it with.

Ella

You were brilliant today, Jonah. When you focus and you execute, you're unstoppable. Why would you let anyone come in the way of that?

Jonah

Because I'm not like you, El. I can't just turn off my emotions, okay? When I said I wasn't thinking about Riley, she was still on my mind. She's always with me.

Ella

Well, then I hope she likes bar mitzvahs and birthday parties. Because if you don't start putting your career first, that's all you're gonna have to share with her. Think about it.

Ella

If I'm eavesdropping correctly, you just scored yourself another date.

Lauren

Hardly. It's drinks with a fellow intern.

Ella

Hot intern?

Lauren

Married woman intern.

Ella

Yes, but is she hot?

Lauren

[referring to Jane, Sydney's sister] Hey, what do you think of our new landlord?

Ella

Well, I can certainly see the family resemblance. She's got Syd's fangs.

David

Shouldn't you be bobbing for olives in your after-party martini?

Ella

Change of plans. I canceled the red carpet close-ups for Jane's dress.

David

Won't that be the shot heard around the courtyard?

Ella

It doesn't matter. After I spread the word that Abby Douglas hated her dress, Jane's samples won't be fit to mop floors.

David

Yeah. I don't know if that's gonna be enough to stop whatever she has planned for you. Let me take care of it.

Ella

You?

David

Yeah. Jane was married to my father. The skeletons won't take long to find. I'll bury her.

Ella

Wow. I don't think anyone's ever offered to destroy an enemy of mine before. David... That's almost... romantic.

David

Or we could say that it's all about the thrill of victory.

Ella

Go with romantic... [they kiss] Let's go work on that alibi.

Ella

I got the oddest e-mail from Jane. All's forgiven.

David

Really?

Ella

Uh-huh.

David

That was easy.

Ella

You know what could have changed her mind?

David

Maybe.

Ella

Wow. You weren't kidding about the toxic waste buried in your family history. Just so we're clear...

David

Mm?

Ella

What you did... amazing. But last night? Total one-off. [referring to their kiss]

David

Why? You can't tell me you didn't have a good time.

Ella

Oh, don't flatter yourself, David. I always have a good time.

[shows Dante Zaretti's mug shot to Ella] You know him?

Ella

Who doesn't? Dante Zaretti. P.I. to the stars.

Have you ever used his services?

Ella

Half of my clients are married to cheating, drug-abusing, tax-evading celebutards. I have five P.I.'s on speed dial. That's not a crime. Why am I here?

We're still trying to account for your timeline the night Sydney Andrews died.

Ella

Didn't we cover this?

Where were you?

Ella

Like I said the first time, I left Coal at midnight. And then I went home and spent the night molesting my neighbor, David Breck. It's okay, he's over 18.

Sydney

You embarrassed me.

Ella

Oh, well, hello to you, too, Syd. I have a conference call with New York, so...

Sydney

I had another gallery showing last night, and only made one sale. No one showed up. Your publicity blitz was a complete and utter failure.

Ella

Come on. I wrangled more buyers through those doors than anybody at this company.

Sydney

Well, they weren't there last night.

Ella

Syd, you are being unreasonable. I got you write-ups in the LA Times, The Weekly, even Vanity Fair. It is not my fault if nobody likes the art.

Sydney

We had a deal. I turn you into a real publicist, and you promote my gallery. What am I supposed to tell my artists when they start pulling their work off the walls?

Ella

I don't know. Paint prettier pictures.

David

El, if I'm gonna be your alibi, I need to know the real story.

Ella

Okay. Only if you promise not to tell a soul.

David

I promise.

Ella

I mean it, David. You say anything, and I will tell everyone that behind all the Prada, you're really the prince of San Berdoo.

David

Cough it up, El. What are you hiding?

Ella

Okay. You want to know the truth? The night Sydney died... I slept with a client.

David

I'm sorry, what?

Ella

I slept with a client.

David

That's it? That's your big confession?

Ella

Well, it is when their high-profile wife is also a client. Look, if this hit the blogosphere, I'd get 15 minutes of fame and a lifetime of peddling In-N-Out burgers.

[referring to Dante] If we can confirm his story, you can bet your Burberry you'll be arrested for murder.

Ella

Well, that's one big "if", Detective. Good luck with that.

Oh, I'm not so sure I'm gonna need any luck. It's gonna feel real good when I get to tighten those handcuffs around those adorable little wrists of yours.

Ella

Aren't you late for your power cocktails with the velvet mafia pre-Laker game?

Caleb

Oh, I got a half hour and a vested interest in women's trendy denim.

Ella

Or more like a vested interest in what's under Anton's hemp boxer briefs.

Caleb

Hot, talented, successful... He's more than mere hookup material. I'd date him.

Ella

That is so cute.

Caleb

So, how's the press kit coming along?

[to Jonah, away from Ella and Caleb] No! Jonah, we need to see the details, okay?!

Jonah

Oh, yes. I can do that.

Ella

Go. I'll take care of this. I mean, you don't want to be sober for tip-off.

Caleb

Ella, keep Anton happy. Oh, and, uh... find out if he's dating anybody.

Ella

Ooh, I like it.

[referring to Riley] That girl right there. She's beautiful. She's grounded. So real. She's perfect.

Ella

For what, monitoring a playground?

Ella

Anton V wants you to model for his new line.

Jonah

What?

Riley

Okay, I've had a really long day, and I'm not in the mood to be mocked.

Ella

I... am as serious as a shoe sale at Barneys.

Riley

I don't understand. Anton knows I'm not a model.

Ella

And that is exactly why he wants you.

Jo

[about shooting Riley] This is never gonna work. She's a total amateur.

Ella

Well, that's why Anton hired her—a real girl for real denim. Oh, come on. Models are like jeans. You just have to break them in a little bit.

Jo

I see this all the time with the new girls. You know, she's just afraid to lose her inhibitions. I need hot, I need sexy.

Riley

How am I doing? Is everything okay?

Jo

Yeah. You're doing great. I'm just gonna shake it up a bit, look for a different look, so, um, keep the jeans and lose the top. [Riley looks shocked at Ella]

Ella

It's your choice if you don't want to believe in yourself.

Riley

Since when does believing in myself require me to abandon all self-respect?

Ella

Do you think Jonah's self-respect soars through the roof every time he shoots a Dora the Explorer-themed birthday bash?

Ella

Maybe you shouldn't have pushed her so hard.

Jo

It's what I do. Until she's able to tap into who she really is, she should stick to the ABC's instead of selling out for a pair of jeans and a few thousand bucks.

Ella

Selling out? I'm sorry, weren't you the one who traded in the refugee camps for a 12-page spread in Vogue? Maybe Riley wasn't the only one posing out there today.