I saw those numbers just as plain as I see Bea Arthur's face on that TV.
That's Fidel Castro.
S6 E7If I Could See Me Now
S6 E8God's Shoes
How long was I out?
Six hours.
Why didn't you call 911?
I couldn't remember the number.
S6 E11Al Bundy, Shoe Dick
[narrating] So I ran. You would too if you had a price on your head and a bad burrito in your belly.
Kids, just one quick question and that's it. Is your mother...
Repulsed by you?
Disappointed financially and sexually by you?
No. I don't care about that, you dolts. Is she pregnant? And Marcy?
Do you think he's crazy?
He must be. He didn't ask about you.
As I watched her leave, I suddenly realized, she really did put the bomp in the bomp-she-bomp.
[The people in the room turn and stare at Al]
[embarrassed, narrating] Uh-oh. I think I said that out loud.
S6 E12So This Is How Sinatra Felt
LLeona
I want my money back. These shoes are as useless to me as a comb is to you. I've only worn them once, and they split at the sides.
Let me explain this. It's just like an elevator. There's a two-ton weight limit. What say I just nail the soles to your feet? It'll give you more traction when you're pulling the ice wagon.
LLeona
You'll be hearing from my attorney!
Is that the law offices of Haagen and Dazs?
The only thing Dad is cheating on is death.
S6 E14The Mystery Of Skull Island
[reading "Sexual Intimacy" card] "If your lover was suddenly unable to perform..." [Al lowers head] "and was a shoe salesman, and named Al..."
Give me that. There's no way it could possibly say that. [reads the card and suddenly looks amazed] Oh, my God, it does!
"And an old lover came to town..." They must mean Jim. "Would you have a sleazy affair with him?" ... Yeah.
I'm really gonna take the advice of someone's who's fooled by every single disguise of the Trix Rabbit.
Yeah, like you know who he is before his ears flop out.
Come on, Al. Share with us what you care about.
(Al stands up)
"I Care," by Al Bundy
When hooters jiggle around
And I find nickels on the ground
I care.
When a Mustang engine purrs
And the bathroom is not hers
I care.
When the pitcher's on the mound
And the wife is underground
I care.
But when I've been playing this for days
I will kill
Anyone who stays
I swear
(Al sits back down and buries his face in his hands)
...And if you really want a scare
Check out his underwear
If you dare.
Al (laughing): I don't care how much you paid me. You'd never get me up on a plane skydiving.
Al, you landed on "Kiss the Neighbors."
(Al stares at the camera. The scene flips to Biff in the plane as Al walks to the door with the parachute pack in his hands)
BBiff
Don't you want your last minute instructions?
(Al laughs deliriously and hurls himself off the plane)
S6 E16Rites Of Passage
Where the music stinks and they water the drinks -- the nudie bar. Where the girlies dance in their underpants -- the nudie bar. Where you see their butt, but their trap stays shut -- the nudie bar.
Yo Roxanne, Grandmaster B here. That's with a big G a big B, and a real big... well.
S6 E17The Egg And I
Hey Steve, too bad Alfalfa is dead or else he could play you in the movie of your life.
And none of you could tell me that she was married.
We don't like to use the "M word" in front of the children.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.