Let me tell you something, I served my country. I played high school football. Four touchdowns in one game, yet I'm not exempt of state and federal taxes. Is this how you treat us heroes? No, you flash that badge to some registered voter. We're Bundys, we hate cops!
S6 E17The Egg And I
[Marcy has just broken up Steve and Jefferson's fight]
He's your husband?! Were you soo depressed that you married this? Whoa, the desperation.
This is the mighty Steve?! The one you used to throw in my face. The one who wasn't much too look at but at least he had a job.
[offended] Oh you gigolos make me sick. You thik just because a man divorces his wife, you can move right in and marry her. Well, I'm back! So you can pack up your hair and profile and find some another heartbroken, discarded middle-aged woman to marry. And leave us decent folk to our happy home.
Pardon me, Yogi. You're not wanted here anymore. Marcy's got a real man now.
We're Bundys. We don't call the cops. People call them on us!
FFBI Agent
Open up, it's the FBI.
That could be for me, since stealing this egg is a federal offense. And if you get any ideas, so is harboring me. If you need me, I'll be in the basement.
S6 E18My Dinner With Anthrax
Dad...
Go away.
This isn't about money.
Go away anyway.
Dad, will you stop and listen to me.
All right, what?
Me and Kelly want to throw a party this Saturday, the 30th. Can we? Please?
Absolutely not. I have something very important planned for that day which requires total silence. I can't get too technical, but it involves your mother, our anniversary, and me making love to her 'til I shrivel up and die. Now, if you don't mind, I am going to walk blindly in traffic.
SSalesman
Welcome to Hurricane Hole! Oops, sorry, let me get that for you.
Salesman sprays an insect on the wall
Sir, we are on our honeymoon! You could at least have the decency to allow us to have sex and wait another eight seconds before you barge in here!
Look, I do not think I want to buy a time share.
SSalesman
I guess I have to give up...but not before I play my trump card! Salesman turns on radio, which plays Kookie, Kookie. Edd Byrnes enters, which excites Peg Say hello to Edd "Kookie" Byrnes, star of 77 Sunset Strip! Now Edd, why did you come to Hurricane Hole?
EBEdd Byrnes
Because you gave me one for free, Stan.
Salesman{annoyed}: Well Kookie, guess you were a good actor but a lousy pitchman! to Peg & Al Look, all it is are easy payments of $6 a month.
Sir, please. My husband is on sabbatical from his job selling shoes and we just want to make love.
SSalesman
Shoe salesman?! In that case I know you cannot afford $6 timeshare payments. I want you people off the premises by 5!
Salesman and Edd Byrnes leave, but Edd has helped himself to Al's stash of girlie magazines
Well, that still gives us plenty of time.
Peg makes out with a reluctant Al
Oh no! I have no girlie magazines! Kookie, Kookie, give me back my Big 'Uns!
CBCharlie Benante
It came out of the fridge... why is it hot?
Last lines of episode
Hi Dad. How was Florida?
Oh, you know, hot, muggy, kitschy. What I expected.
Did you bring anything back?
Only thing I could think of. Say hello to our new houseguest, Mr. Byrnes.
Edd Byrnes enters Bundy residence
EBEdd Byrnes
Hey kids, I got a treat for each of you!
Edd hands Kelly and Bud each a comb, then goes outside
Care to tell me who those men camping out on my front lawn are?
Oh, that is just Anthrax, Daddy. They ate Mom's mystery pack so the Red Cross quarantined them to our house for six months.
Swell. I can only imagine what ungodly music I will be made to bear for the next six months.
Anthrax is outdoors with Edd Byrnes
CBCharlie Benante
Hey, this really rocks!
Anthrax{singing in unison}: Kookie, Kookie, lend me your comb!
S6 E19Psychic Avengers
Maybe we're worrying about nothing, I mean, maybe he'll come home in a good mood.
[Al enters.]
Why doesn't the world die?
Jefferson, do you have 79 cents?
Why? You're paying off the house?
Come on Mr. Darcy, you are just jealous that my dad is running this better than you did.
Yes, I admit that with your dad in control we are making more money in a week than I did in a month, but I am worried about the attention we are attracting. Most of all, I am worried about your father. Something has changed about him.
Al enters in a white suit like a Mafia don
People to rip off, I love it! Come on you little moneymakers, daddy needs a new pair of everything!
Al, you have done it this time! For the sake of my own safety, this partnership is dissolved.
Fine, more for me!
I do not think you are fully aware of what you did by offending Madame Inga. Word is she is gathering all the dark forces of Sweden to invoke a curse on your house.
Al laughs uproariously
You should listen to yourself! The dark forces of Sweden?! Oh no, the Swedish are after me! What can they do? Transform my Dodge into a Volvo? See my house is now furnished by Ikea? Or even worse, I wake up one morning next to some long-legged, blonde Nordic beauty with amazing bazoombas!
S6 E20High I.Q.
I got invited to a party!
A party?
You know when you line up your toy soldiers and put a cupcake in front of each of them? Kind of like that, only this is with real people, Bud!
Oh hearty har har. Who invited you?
Must be a frat party. The return address says "Alpha".
[Bud looks at letter, then is shocked]
Kel, this is not a fraternity. Alpha is an elite organization of people with IQs of a certain percentile. I got rejected from this!
Peg{to Marcy, as they watch Al and Jefferson fix the workbench}: Wow, you can almost hear the Looney Tunes theme.
S6 E21Teacher Pets
[on phone] Hello, Reverend Feltcher. Has Hell frozen over? Well something's up. My brother Bud has a date! Yes, Bud! Okay, yes, church is the place to be at times like this. Okay, I'll be right down. It's the building with the big T on the roof, right? [Puts down phone and runs out the front door]
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