TV show quotes
I don't know, it's just not my thing.
What, it's just what?
Well first of all, I mean, you know, these ladies are kind of old.
Not all of them. Let's go out on the patio, we'll find some baby tigers! Ariel, Brooke, Granny, Ethel, Sadie, Sonia, Navy Seal Nancy-we're goin' out on the patio. Please join us and bring some hard lemonade.
Get behind me Satan!
What? What'd you say?
I said get behind me, you and Betsy!
Becky!
I'll shield you from the sand! I've got glasses on, we can try to make it inside!
Alright, great, but don't say get behind me, I've got a thing about that.
Okay. But seriously dude, if you like these chicks, yah gotta check out Burning Man, it's like Sodom and Gomorrah. It's all glitter and body paint, no one wears clothes!
A teratoma is a tumor that grows teeth and hair. It's the most disgusting thing in the world.
Yeah.
And, I'd like to introduce you. Becky, this is Terry.
Hello Becky.
It sounds like me because it's part of me. It's my genetic material but concentrated into like a ball of teeth and hair.
Wow.
Yeah, and I have more hair.
Hey, at least I don't have a lisp.
Do I have a lisp?
Well, a little.
Shut up Satan.
This is like the worst ventriloquist act I have ever seen.
But the forces of light can spread too. Spread like good news. In this case, the good news was a young DJ's delightful debut novel that combined the Christian allegory of Chronicles of Narnia with the folksy wisdom of Tuesday's With Morrie.
Lucy, nothing in the book is meant to be taken literally.
But it is literal! It's about me and you, and things we've done together.
Right, but it's not meant to be taken literally.
You changed one letter in my name.
Yes, her name is Lacy, and she's tall and thin which you are not.
Are you trying to hurt me?
Of course not, why would I do that, I love you.
Aww.
You are welcome.
That book is a big problem.
Don't worry about it. I already posted a bad review on Amazon.com
That's not enough!
Umm I don't know how to say this so I'm just gonna say it. I think it's best if you don't come to book group.
Oh, is that so?
Wait, there's a book group?
Yeah, sorry I just...I don't know if you're the right for the group. Like, I think you're a great guy, but I just don't know if it like works.
Well that's funny because Sister Louisa called me last night.
Oh she did?
You guys have a book group?
Yes, she did. She's forming a new group. And she invited me to join it. And she asked me to ask you, not to come.
I see.
She was uncomfortable I think. I think you have kind of a masculine energy. Which rubs people the wrong way.
Masculine?!
Well yes, for a group like that. They're nuns but they're still women, you know so...
What do I have a penis?
Nooo, not necessarily.
I don't. Look. (lifts up skirt of habit and flashes the fathers)Looky here!
Uh, yes, okay, but how do I know that it's not taped behind?
I have not tucked a penis behind my legs!
Well, here's the deal. I don't want you to think that he's replacing you.
I don't.
Just because he's been doing most of the stuff you're supposed to do.
He has? Like what kinda stuff?
Like work stuff. For like, for me. Like making me proud. Which you choose not to do.
I mean, since Terry, I've never seen more of you. You've been here like every day for like two weeks.
Well, I'm, that's because I...
I personally think he's replacing you. I mean, didn't you used to have a job?
What? That's ridiculous, Lucy. You're just bitter that your boyfriend wrote a bestseller about you and then dumped you.
It's an allegory. And he didn't dump me. He's just been busy with casting, and the film, and scouting locations.
See, isn't it perfect? It's so corny and stupid and inauthentic. I mean, you can't fake this!
Jesús, hey I've done a little bit of acting here and there, and I would love to play myself in your movie, if I could. I mean, you're gonna shoot here, I'm gonna be here.
No can do. Your part is gonna be CG.
CG, that sucks.
Well you can be an extra, how bout that?
Okay.
I'll talk to Budget, maybe we can get you a line.
Becky, where have you been, I've been trying to reach...Oh. Hey Terry.
Satan.
Were you guys somewhere together?
Yeah, we had a meeting/ No I was at the gym.
That's weird, you just said two different things.
Hey, what are you doing back here?
Oh, I was giving Terry a tour.
Where's Terry?
Ah, I put him in the deep fryer.
Well, that's good timing because DJ Jesús just ordered up a veggie burger.
Lucy. Evil.
Praise Satan!
(as he is dropped into a flaming pit) Aieee!
(opening door) Sorry I'm late! Holy shit it's hot in here. I brought Pinot Grigio. Where can I chill this?
(VO) Worshipers believe that a blood sacrifice secures for them their selfish desires and an audience with their dark prince.
Hey that's a great sweater.
Thanks a lot.
Yeah, it's so Cosby.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
