Maze quotes from Lucifer

Chloe

Seriously? A sex swing?

Maze

I know, right? Wanna hop on?

Chloe

What's the job?

Maze

Preschool aide

Trixie

Do you like little kids?

Maze

I've dealt with filthy screaming humans before. At least these are smaller.

Linda

You're a demon. He told me. I thought it was a sexual metaphor.

Maze

Well, you're not wrong there.

Chloe

What's the job this time?

Maze

Topless maids. But apparently, I still have to do some cleaning. Screw that.

Maze

How was it?

Chloe

What are you doing in here?!

Maze

What? I heard you scream, so I ran in to see if you were in danger. [amused] Then I figured out what was really going on. So I stayed to watch the show.

[performing an ultrasound on Linda] Okay, do you see that little protrusion right there? You're having a boy.

Amenadiel

A boy?

Maze

Better luck next time.

Amenadiel

Do you see a second protrusion anywhere? Maybe even a third?

Uh, typically, there's only one penis.

Amenadiel

Nah. I was looking for the wings.

Eve

"Maze"? As in "Mazikeen of the Lilim"? Oh. Oh, wow. I am so grateful to you. I mean, this world is full of dumbass rules. You know, "No drugs for breakfast!" or 'Put on some clothes!". But you. For years, you've been the keeper of Lucifer's devilish flame. He just forgot to mention you were so damn hot.

Maze

[to Lucifer] I like her.

Maze

Looks like we're gonna need to pay Doug a visit.

Chloe

A guy like Doug's gonna--

Maze

Lawyer up?

Chloe

First sign of police.

Maze

We need--

Chloe

Leverage.

Maze

I know what you're thinking.

Chloe

Might be the only way.

Maze

But what about--

Chloe

It's dangerous.

Maze

Then what if we--

Chloe

He'll see it coming.

Maze

[thinks, then smiles] I have an idea.

Chloe

.... Absolutely not, Maze. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Maze

Fine! Fine! We'll do it your way.

Chloe

Good.

Maze

How could you? After everything we've been through, Lucifer, how could you go home without me?

"Lucifer"

[in an American accent] I'm not Lucifer! I'm not Lucifer! I'm not Lucifer!

Maze

Lucifer told me he had a twin brother.

Michael

And you are Mazikeen. Nice to meet you. I'm Michael.

Lucifer told you that I was here, didn't he? You'd think the Devil would be better at keeping his trap shut.

Maze

No, I found you all on my own. Have you... been here all this time?

I gave something a shot. It didn't work out.

Maze

That's it? That's all you have to say to me?

What do you want from me?

Maze

I wanted to come and see you.... I wanted to know why you abandoned us. Why you abandoned me.

I did it to make you strong, and it worked. Just look at you. I can see you don't need anyone.

Maze

Yeah.... Look at me. [turns and leaves]

Maze

[to Linda] You missed our coffee date.

Linda

Oh, my gosh, Maze. Is it morning? I'm so sorry. We've been up all night. You're welcome to stay, but it's kind of loud.

Maze

Pain and suffering. [chuckles] Music to my ears.

Ella

Oh, my God, Maze. I know what you're doing, okay? And pretending to be me is stupid. I... I am clearly no role model. I'm just a magnet for losers. [points to the Bad Boy she had been kissing]

Bitch [leaves]

Ella

See?

Maze

Well, I was just you for two full hours, and being genuinely nice like that... literally the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. But maybe you're right, Ella. If all you think you deserve is some loser like that... maybe I should learn from someone else.

Maze

I had two rocks when I was growing up. One sharp, one not. Take the sharp one and try to stab things. Take the dull one and try to make it sharp.

Amenadiel

That, um... That explains a lot.

Lucifer

Why would you ever trust Michael? He's a liar!

Maze

He's only ever been honest with me. You... You hid my mother from me.

Lucifer

How did you--?

Lucifer

I'm sorry, Maze, but I gave Lilith my word.

Maze

Which is apparently more important to you than I am!