Lucifer Morningstar quotes from Lucifer

Lucifer

I, Lucifer Morningstar - the Devil - have returned to rule as God Almighty. And it's all thanks to one woman. A woman with the mind of a genius, the patience of a saint. A woman I adore with all of my heart. The greatest therapist the world has ever known: Doctor Linda Martin, MD, PSYD, PhD, MA, MFIL, Master in Science, Master in Technology, Master of the Universe, Ma-

Lucifer

[voiceover] This is preposterous! [we see Lucifer and Chloe reading Linda's manuscript, revealing that it was all from Linda's book] I mean, socks with sandals?

Dr. Linda Martin

What? Your Dad wore them!

Chloe

Linda, is this what you really think happens?

Dr. Linda Martin

I don't know what's going to happen! I've been the therapist to the Devil for the last five years, and I still couldn't get him ready to be God! [pauses] I'm a failure. So I wrote a fake ending to make myself feel better.

Lucifer

And the red river? The missing socks?

Amenadiel

All caused by our siblings' screwups.

Lucifer

[laughs] Unbelievable. Right, well, I should wake Chloe, tell her the world isn't actually ending.

Amenadiel

No, no, no, Luci, look. You heard Ella. Now if this continues to happen, it's gonna have a catastrophic domino effect. Apocalypse by a thousand paper cuts.

Lucifer

Just tell our siblings to stop.

Amenadiel

I tried. They don't take orders from me. I believe their exact words were, "You're not the God of us."

Maybe that's the real reason I came back in time. So you could help me.

Chloe

So that you can help everyone. Every Dan down in Hell who deserves another chance.

Lucifer

Well,... Well, I suppose I do know what it's like to fall. And also to rise. [realizing] Oh, you cheeky bastard.

Chloe

Who?

Lucifer

My Dad. He said I'd figure it out, and I did. When He said Hell no longer needs a keeper, it doesn't. It needs a healer. Chloe... I think I finally found my calling!

Do you really think it's possible to change?

Lucifer

Of course. I mean, look at me. For millennia, I was down here, stuck in my own Hell loop of sorts, thinking I deserved to be in charge of people's punishment. And then even when I left, I found myself in a cycle of selfishness and violence, [smiles] debauchery, sex... Yeah, I mean, clearly it wasn't all bad, but the point is, with the right guidance and the right help, I was able to change, to grow. To... find true meaning in life.

I wish I could just... take it all back. Everything that I did on Earth.

Lucifer

I hear you. I felt that way, too. I wished I could do everything differently, but then, I wouldn't be the devil I am right now, sitting across from you, right here, would I? [chuckles]

I dunno. Maybe I'm just a lost cause.

Lucifer

Nonsense, Reese. And certainly not on my watch. Because if the Devil can be redeemed, then anyone can.

Lucifer

Hello, Detective.

Chloe

I thought you could use a partner. [approaches Lucifer; they kiss]