Baber quotes from Little Mosque on the Prairie

Baber

My daughter does not [want to go]! She's a good Muslim!

Layla

No I'm not! I swear!

Baber

Isn't that wonderful? A convert!

Sarah

Hello! I'm right here! I'm a convert too!

Baber

Yes but he's serious!

Baber

The boy is Fatima's; the female is mine.

Layla

The female?

So, you two are... divorced?

Fatima

Oh no no. My husband passed on. Baber's wife passed on Baber.

Baber

[Loudly] How Joyful! At this rate we'll convert every white people in town to Islam!

Amaar

Indoor voice, Baber.

Baber

Yasser, I have got it! What if we move the Mosque and simply don't tell him?

Put it on wheels, move it around town?

Baber

Don't make us give you your notice.

Amaar

Baber, you're forgetting: we're the tenants, he's the landlord.

I heard you were planning a demonstration on Sunday.

Baber

Yes. Against the abomination.

Oh. I thought it was...

Baber

Yes, against gay marriage. I just... like to say "abomination"!

Amaar

So you're saying... They were actually... Holding hands?

Baber

I wasn't saying it. I was yelling it!

Fatima

You're an impossible man!

Baber

I am entirely possible!

Baber

I want to be buried with other Muslims, on my side, facing Mecca, and I want it now!

Amaar

You sure you don't want to wait till you're dead? It's less claustrophobic.

Fatima

what is that? Over there?

Baber

Mecca.

Fatima

No, you ignorant man. Between us and Mecca.

Baber

[reading the sign] Belt Buckle z?

Fatima

I do not want to spend eternity looking at a saloon.

Baber

We do not want to spend eternity watching a bunch of cowboys drinking.

Yeah, well, maybe us cowboys don't want to drink while being watched by a bunch of dead Muslims.

Baber

Best outreach event ever, Amaar.

Amaar

We didn't get any visitors.

Baber

That's exactly my point!

Baber

You can't talk by yourself for an entire hour and expect people to listen!

Amaar

That's no different than what I do here at the Mosque.

Baber

Ah, you said it, not me!

Baber

Today at school, she kept waiting for me to leave.

Fatima

I am always waiting for you to leave.

Baber

What is she hiding under there? Is it, huh, pierced ears? A hickey? A hickey piercing!