A character in Life on Mars
Played by John Simm
Life on Mars · 186 quotes
Tied for 1st most-quoted character in Life on Mars: in 117 of its 186 quotes
Most scenes with: Gene Hunt (67), Chris Skelton (14), Annie Cartwright (13)
[Sam and Annie are standing on the steps outside, Gene Hunt approaches with Leonard, a witness who Annie has just agreed to watch overnight]
Sam TylerAnnie's going to sit with him tonight.
Hey, Leonard! Fanny in the flat! Nice work!
Sam TylerLook, I was thinking, guv. I know having me here is difficult for you. What if I went back?
To Hyde?
Sam TylerIs that possible?
I'll get on the blower.
[Gene picks up the phone]
Sam TylerYou can do that? You can just send me back to where I came from?
[on phone] Hello, is that the Wizard of Oz? [to Sam] The Wizard'll sort it out. It's because of the wonderful things he does.
[After hearing his mothers voice on the police radio, followed by that of Phyllis, the police receptionist]
Sam TylerPhyllis, is that you?
No, it's Jane Fonda on the hunt for men!
Bingo! I got one. Martin Ellis, lorry driver. Waiting for a fabrics pick-up at 2:30 this morning. Spotted a thickset man running of the loom hall.
Sam TylerGood, can I see it?
[Chris shows Sam a black and white picture with a head looking like a butternut squash with ears]
Sam TylerChris, have you ever seen anybody that looks like that?
It's the best we could do.
Sam TylerIt's a doddle, then. We're looking for someone with hamster's cheeks, a nose like Audrey Hepburn and a two-foot forehead.
[To another police officer examining blood on the floor]
Oi! Hairy Mary, shift yourself. You're in the way.
Sam TylerLet him do his job.
Chief culprit is Ted Bannister. I want him in custody by teatime.
Sam TylerWhat, because he spoke first?
'Cos he's guilty as sin, and he's a Commie bastard.
Sam TylerSorry, that's bollocks. Total rubbish.
You're just itching to get your blood-spillage book out, aren't ya!
Sam TylerYou're making him prime suspect based on what, a hunch?
Is my name 'Coco'?
Sam TylerWhat?
Why are you trying to make me look like a clown? Litton's gonna have a field day when he finds out you left four untraceable shooters out there.
Sam TylerThis isn't about Litton. And don't blame me for this. You dumped it on me!
I thought you said you could multi... story... task... Whatever!
[about Ted Bannister] Tenner says he did it.
Sam TylerThis is-
Tenner and a tin of Party Seven.
Sam TylerIf you think that I'm going to reduce a murder investigation to the level of a playground bet--
[to the accompaniment of chicken noises from Ray] Cowardy cowardy custard. Can't cut the mustard.
[Preparing guns before the shoot-out]
Yeah, but can you hit anything?
Sam TylerYou should see my Playstation scores.
What's your problem,Tyler?
Sam TylerMy problem!?! My problem...would rock...your...world!
Sam TylerYou make it sound like a war.
Yeah, well, maybe it is
Sam TylerWorth fighting for.
Worth dying for.
Worth killing for? How did you kill him, by the way?
Look, I told you, I went home.
Liar. Liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar, liar!
LIAR!
I want to see some sort of lawyer.
A liar?
A lawyer!
[Sam Tyler is hand cuffed to his bed, naked]
Morning
Sam TylerPiss off
Well it's not all badminton and golf in Hyde, then eh?
You think you know everything, don't you?
Sam TylerI know the stench of rotten apples.
Yeah? And I know your slag is lying through her teeth and do you wanna know why?
Sam TylerYeah, why?
Steven Warren is a bum bandit. Do you understand? A poof! A fairy! A queer! A queen! Fudge packer! Uphill Gardener! Fruit picking sodomite!
Sam TylerHe's gay?
As a bloody Christmas Tree! Mind you, he is a little touchy on the subject, being a twisted Catholic with an elderly mother and all, so I wouldn't go mentioning it to him... You challenged his authority so he stitched you up like a kipper. Pretty girl appealed to your vanity as the only decent sheriff in Dodge City. Slipped you a Mickey, tied you up and bounced on your ding-a-ling.
Sam TylerWhy?
I suspect the answer will lie in the post. Photos, you idiot.
[ Sweet is playing loudly in a club]
Do you like this music?
Sam TylerYeah, I do, don't you?
It's just a lot a noise, really. Me and the wife like, eh, Roger Whittaker. Well, lot more her than me. D'ya know him?
Sam TylerNot intimately.
Keep it to yourself. We all have our dirty little secrets
Sam TylerIndeed we do.
Sam TylerWe havent got any plates.
Improvise!
[a little while later]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Life on Mars pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
