Sam Tyler quotes from Life on Mars

What's this?

Sam Tyler

It's chicken... in a basket.

Sam Tyler

If it was to do with football, he'd have serious injuries.

Gene Hunt

He's dead! That's quite serious.

Gene Hunt

Time to liven things up a bit. Hard to keep your stories straight when you're pissed. You ask my missus.

Sam Tyler

I'm not sure that's ethical.

Gene Hunt

It's not. It's vodka.

Sam Tyler

You know nothing about football! [Punches Bond, winding him] I used to go to football with my dad. United and City fans used to walk to the match together. Our next door neighbour, he had a City flag up in his window. Kids used to play together in the street - red and blue. But then people like you came along and you took it away from us.

A good punch up's all part of the game! It's about pride. Pride in your team. Being the best!

Sam Tyler

No it isn't! This is how it starts and then it escalates. It gets on the telly and in the press, and then other fans from other clubs start trying to out do each other. And then it becomes about hate! And then it's nothing to do with football any more! It's about gangs and scumbags like you roaming the country seeing who can cause the most trouble. And then we overreact, and we have to put up perimeter fences and we treat the fans like animals! Forty, fifty thousand people herded into pens! And then how long before something happens, eh? How long before something terrible happens and we are dragging bodies out?

That's mine!

Sam Tyler

This doesn't belong to you. This belongs to decent people, who work hard all week and take their kids to the match on a Saturday! People like Colin Clay!

Gene Hunt

I'm ready anytime.

Sam Tyler

[Bewildered] For what?

Gene Hunt

An apology. Was this or was this not about football?

Sam Tyler

Was the killer drinking with him in the Trafford Arms?

Gene Hunt

Don't make excuses; I'm right, you're wrong, admit it. Was this about football?

Sam Tyler

Not in the way you thought.

Gene Hunt

Still about football!

Sam Tyler

The only reason we caught him was because I persuaded you to go undercover! All you were doing before that was dragging hooligans in!

Gene Hunt

Still about football!

Sam Tyler

[Frustrated] You just will not be proved wrong, will you?! You know, that's very childish!

Gene Hunt

No it is not.

Sam Tyler

[Childishly] Is!

Gene Hunt

[Equally childishly] Isn't!

Sam Tyler

I thought he had flu?

Gene Hunt

Sergeant!

Gene Hunt

[chasing] Come back 'ere you skiving little git!

Sam Tyler

If this was about football, he would have had serious injuries.

Gene Hunt

He's dead! That's quite serious.

Sam Tyler

We need to start a dialog with the hostage taker.

Gene Hunt

We need the hostage taker in handcuffs or dead on the floor

Sam Tyler

We need an inner cordon as well as this one. Think of it as two circles, one inside the other. The area in the centre is out of limits to everybody but us.

Gene Hunt

Fair enough.

Sam Tyler

Call it the doughnut.

Gene Hunt

Jam or custard?

Sam Tyler

Now you're just being silly.

Gene Hunt

I'm not the one calling it a doughnut

[runs towards the team] Excuse me!

Sam Tyler

Excuse me sir, can you go back behind the cordon, please.

Hugo Barton. I'm a reporter from the Gazette.

Gene Hunt

Oh, terrific. [shouts at the hostage taker] Oi! We've got another one for you!

Sam Tyler

Guv.

He walked in about 40 minutes ago; he was just ahead of me. He pulled a gun; he means business.

Gene Hunt

Y'know, I'd listen to the snot in my hankie before I'd listen to you.

Sam Tyler

His only way of talking to the outside world will be through-

Gene Hunt

Us

Sam Tyler

Me. I'm the negotiator.

Gene Hunt

I'll make you a hat.

He your boss? What would I get for smacking him one?

Sam Tyler

A round of applause from half our station.

Sam Tyler

If we can't police ourselves, how are the public supposed to trust us?

Gene Hunt

The public don't give a damn what we do, as long as we get results.

Sam Tyler

You're wrong.

Gene Hunt

I think you've forgotten who you're talking to.

Sam Tyler

An overweight, over-the-hill, nicotine-stained, borderline-alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding?

Gene Hunt

You make that sound like a bad thing.