Kai quotes from Lexx

Fire is the other planet up there, our enemies. And now that you've pointed us out to them, they're coming down to kill us.

Kai

I am already dead, and I will protect you.

You're playing with me.

Kai

Not yet, but I suspect I will be soon.

Are you human...?

Kai

I was.

Kai

790 fell off the bridge, he was damaged. I reassembled him.

I am damaged by love...

Kai

I was the first he laid eyes on, after he reset.

You are the first and only, you drop dead gorgeous drop of man!

Kai

[checking on May] She's dead.

Stan

No no, you can't know that.

Kai

I am good at determining the state of death. It was a required function for assassins of the Divine Order.

I'll die if you leave me!

Kai

Then we will have something in common. And I will return, 790.

Stan

Can I ask you a question? It's only a hypothetical one. Okay, look, I was just wondering... Suppose someone cared about somebody else, y'know, really, really cared and that someone else was in trouble. BAD trouble, and it were meant that they were gonna have to be killed. And the only way to stop them from being killed was to kill somebody else, or some other people. Do you think it'd be wrong to do that?

Kai

How many other people would he have to kill?

Stan

Oh, a few... a relatively large few... sort of.

What is that?

Kai

The end of all of your problems... almost.

Kai

They all forgive you and will try harder to make you fit in.

I'm sick of hearing all of their crap! 'It's okay, Fifi, you'll score next time, it's the best two out of three!', forget about it. I'm sick of it. I'll tell ya this though, I play to win. And this time, you guys are the big losers and I'm the winner! Y'know why? Because I got all of these moths, and I'm gonna fly away from this total never-ending boredom! C'mon, how many times can you play that stupid game anyway? So... SO LONG, SUCKERS!

Kai

I cannot swim.

Bunny

You can't...?

Kai

No. I cannot float.

Kai

Are you trying to seduce me?

Bunny

Yes...

Kai

The dead cannot be seduced.

Bunny

I don't understand.

Kai

Bunny. I am dead.

Bunny

No you're not!

Kai

Yes, I am. [Kai reattaches his hand]

Bunny

That's a neat trick. Do other parts of you perform that well?

Xev

No. Other parts do not perform at all. You'll have to get your satisfaction elsewhere.

Kai

Likewise, Xev.

Kai

There should be a lot of children.

Bunny

What are children?

Kai

Children result from sex.

Bunny

Fun results from sex.

Kai

Sex is considered to be fun, but also has other complications. One of which is children.

Bunny

Not here on Boomtown. It's just fun and that's all.'

Bunny

You want me, don't you?

Kai

The dead do not get frustrated. The dead do not have wants. The dead are simply dead.

Stan

Boy, this is hot.

Kai

I believe that is in part why they call this planet 'Fire'.

Stan

Oh great, so we go from the frying pan and into the Fire, huh?

I suppose you feel better now?

Kai

No.

Yes you do. You did your big rescue-thing on me so you feel better.

Kai

No. I do not feel.

Oh yeah I believe that. I bet you go around rescuing people, believing that you're doing them a big, giant favour and expect that they should be all happy and grateful about it. But let's face it: you don't do it for their happiness. You do it so that you can feel better yourself.

Kai

I do not feel good... I do not feel better. I am dead, and I do not feel anything - ever.