Wayne quotes from Letterkenny

Wayne

It's a hard life picking stones and pulling teats, but sure as God's got sandals, it beats fighting dudes with treasure trails.

Wayne

Run along Stewart, before I get tired of behaving.

Wayne

Well, she's back to chorin'.

Wayne

If she cheats, it's over. No exceptions.

Wayne

Katy. How're you now?

Katy

Good and you?

Wayne

Not so bad.

Reilly

Nice onesie. Does it come in men's?

Wayne

Oh, I think you cum in men enough for all of us.

Reilly

I think you better come in my...I mean, you better come...

Jonesy

I think you better come say that to his face, you fucking hicks!

Daryl

Nice execution.

Wayne

You're doin' terrific.

Reilly

You looking for a tilly, buddy? Let's have a donnybrook!

Daryl

Pump the brakes. You take your shirt off but leave your sunglasses on?

Wayne

What sort of backwards fucking pageantry is that?

Daryl

You gonna fight with those shades or play pokerstars.com?

Jonesy

Hold my spitter.

Reilly

Dude, I can't hold your spitter, you're holding my spitter- just put the spitter down.

Wayne

Tick tock.

Jonesy

Go time!

Reilly

Go time!

Daryl

Look at that fucking treasure trail.

Wayne

What's up with your fucking body hair, big shoots? You look like a 12 year-old Dutch girl. Your aesthetician coiff that for ya?

Daryl

You can kiss my aesthetician. You guys do Cross-Fit?

Wayne

You can Cross-fuck off.

Daryl

Cross-fart. How many times you pulled your horn today, bud?

Reilly

What?

Daryl

Aw, she's bashful.

Wayne

Well, come on kitten, I won't tell anyone. Ballpark, six to eight? You're a fucking animal.

Daryl

Play a little five-on-one?

Wayne

Hit the kitchen, mix a batch.

Daryl

Feed the ducks.

Wayne

Distribute some free literature.

Look, keep it at the end of the laneway, no degens on the property.

Wayne

That's a Texas-sized 10-4.

Over and out.

Wayne

No.

Daryl

Why not? He's tougher than hell.

Wayne

Yeah, but.....like, you heard he fucked an ostrich, right?

Daryl

....What?

Wayne

He fucked an ostrich

Squirrelly Dan

Allegedly.

Daryl

How does a fella get caught up in that sort of business?

Wayne

Well, I guess his cousin had an ostrich farm, when he thought it might be fun to fuck one.

Squirrelly Dan

Allegedly!

Squirrelly Dan

You appreciates my metaphors Miss Katy and that's what I appreciates about you.

Katy

Oh, is that what you appreciate about me?

Wayne

Let's take about five to ten percent off that, Squirrelly Dan.

Wayne

You better settle down over there or I'm going to come talk to you.

Daryl

You know what, there's two things about you that I don't like - and it's your face!

Wayne

There's one thing about your own face you're not going to like, and that's when I come give it the beats!

(in the context of a conversation about Boots) You guys ever hear anything about that guy fucking an ostrich?

Wayne

No, it was The Ginger that fucked an ostrich.

Squirrelly Dan

Allegedly.

It would take more than one person to fuck an ostrich.

Wayne

We've heard it was a sick ostrich.

Well, it would take two guys to fuck an ostrich. Three, even.

Wayne

Again, we're hearing it was a sick ostrich.

Still, it's a three-man job to fuck one.

Wayne

Agricultural Halls are for agricultural music, not for fuckin' raves!

Well, that's no way to get your communication badge, Boy Scout.

Yes, there will be MDMA at my rave at the Ag Hall. There will be MDMA, DMT, PCP, LSD, LED and probably UFC. But+ I'm clean and sober.

Wayne

You are spare parts, aren't you, bud?

If they fucked an ostrich, what else have they fucked?

Wayne

Just the Ginger fucked an ostrich.

Squirrelly Dan

Allegedly.

Wayne

I can see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow?

Daryl

You get a tracking number?

Wayne

Boy, I hope you got a tracking number.

Daryl

That package is going to be smaller than the one you're currently sporting.

Wayne

Tall order, Dary.