A character in Letterkenny
Played by Andrew Herr
Letterkenny · 57 quotes
6th most-quoted character in Letterkenny: in 12 of its 57 quotes
Most scenes with: Reilly (12), Wayne (2), Daryl (2)
Nice onesie. Does it come in men's?
Oh, I think you cum in men enough for all of us.
I think you better come in my...I mean, you better come...
JonesyI think you better come say that to his face, you fucking hicks!
Nice execution.
You're doin' terrific.
You looking for a tilly, buddy? Let's have a donnybrook!
Pump the brakes. You take your shirt off but leave your sunglasses on?
What sort of backwards fucking pageantry is that?
You gonna fight with those shades or play pokerstars.com?
JonesyHold my spitter.
Dude, I can't hold your spitter, you're holding my spitter- just put the spitter down.
Tick tock.
[Jonesy takes off his shirt and puts his hat on backwards]
JonesyGo time!
Go time!
Look at that fucking treasure trail.
What's up with your fucking body hair, big shoots? You look like a 12 year-old Dutch girl. Your aesthetician coiff that for ya?
You can kiss my aesthetician. You guys do Cross-Fit?
You can Cross-fuck off.
Cross-fart. How many times you pulled your horn today, bud?
What?
Aw, she's bashful.
Well, come on kitten, I won't tell anyone. Ballpark, six to eight? You're a fucking animal.
Play a little five-on-one?
Hit the kitchen, mix a batch.
Feed the ducks.
Distribute some free literature.
Reilly. Jonesy. You guys been gettin' a lot of ice time?
Well, actually…
I'm just kiddin', I don't give a fuck. I stepped down from your old junior team. Turns out the senior team needed a new bench boss. Real work to be done here. Real men. Turns out you guys have been havin' a bit of a cake walk up here, huh? Is that right, Reilly? Eh, a little angel cake? A little angel food cake with a top glaze? Huh? Have your mom mix up the egg whites and the vanilla? Huh? Have your mom cut it with a knife or a small spatula through the batter releasing air bubbles and bake? Light as air? Huh? Virtually fat-free? Fuck you, pheasant!
JonesyCome on, man.
Oh, Jonesy's got something to say. What kind of cake are you walkin', huh? A little Lady Baltimore? Huh? A little date and walnut loaf? A little Napoleonshatte?
Coach, it's not that we're...
Cake walk's over, all right, Johnny Cheechoo and Chuck Huddy? Gonna have the boys tossing up sueys up the middle all night, just tossing up hot suey sauce? You know why? 'Cause you've been skipped leg day! You think you can skirt legs and crack the Czech Extraliga? Huh? You couldn't even crack the HockeyAllsvenska, let alone the Deutsche Eishockey Liga! Fuck! You plugs are gonna learn some jam. It is fuckin' embarrassing!
JonesyAny puck bunnies getting in the way of W's come to mind?
I once tongue-kissed a woman in line for the beer gardens at a dragon boat race, after she said she liked my team jacket. But I don't think she was a puck bunny. You little bitch. Yorkie?
I once open-mouth first-based a woman I delivered a gourmet coffee gift card to, after she won at a team fundraiser raffle draw. I don't think she was a puck bunny. Scholtzy?
I once got an over-the-pants handy in the back seat of a Pontiac Bonneville, during a drive-in screening of Slap Shot. But I don't think she was a puck bunny. Pussy. Fisky?
I once got a rig-friggin' gherkin-slurpin' behind a gumball machine at a bubble hockey tournament, but I don't think she was a puck bunny. Boomtown?
I once accidentally shit my pants while masturbating in 2010, when Crosby scored an OT to win gold, while I was simultaneously mid-orgasm. There was no one else there. But don't you think that's a good story?
Right, I'm just gonna go ahead and spell this right the fuck out for you, boys. The girl that you're all in love with, she's a puck bunny.
Boys, I wake up in the middle of the night dry-heaving at the amount of bush in this room.
JonesyWe thought tummy-stick hedgehogs were extinct, boys.
Shave your fuckin' junk hair, boys.
JonesyIt's disgusting, boys.
And Shorsey is the guiltiest of 'em all!
(farts)
JonesyReilly will be your bush inspector.
And Jonesy will be your associate bush inspector.
Is that fuckin' joker wearing number 99, bud?
JonesyThis is our chance to make it up to Gretz, bud.
Hey, 99, you fuckin' loser.
JonesyAre you fuckin' serious nines?
How dare you wear that number, you piece of shit!
JonesyThat's the Great One's number, you fuckin' donkey.
Think you're Gretzky, you piece of shit?
JonesyGretz probably smashed your mom in the '80s, bud.
I'll get the white tape out and turn those double nines into double zeros. You're a fucking nobody.
JonesyFuckin' serious nines?
When's Mess get here, bud, you're fuckin' hilarious.
JonesyWhen's McSorley get here, you fuckin' plug?
Suck my knob! What a fucking piece of work, bud.
JonesyPiece of shit.
The fucking audacity.
JonesyI haven't smashed a pumpkin on someone's doorstep since grade nine, boys.
I haven't stuffed an egg up a tailpipe since grade eight, boys.
JonesyI haven't silly-stringed a car since grade seven.
I haven't TP'd a tree since grade six.
Yeah, but do's youse have an ablibi?
JonesyWe definitely have ablibis.
I'm glad you asked about ablibi.
JonesyWe've prepared a PowerPoint presentation.
So like, what are we supposed to call you then? Our gay buddies from the gym, or…
We took gay in the expansion draft from you about a hundred years back.
JonesyButch?
Shout out to our sisters in the women's league.
Fruit?
Fruit had a cup of coffee in the show a few decades back, but never really produced for either of us.
JonesyBear?
You guys released bear a while back for under performing and we got her at a friendly price. Been a real stud for us ever since.
Cub?
Cubs been consistent since he put her on line with bear.
JonesyPoofter?
Still playing overseas, likely gonna retire there.
Nellie?
Only your grandpa remembers that alumni.
JonesyHomo?
Homo maybe in your ring of honor, but never forget the body checks our goons threw down to end that career.
Queen?
Queen is the best arena music of all time. But still, it's only for some.
Reilly (to Jonesy): I'm not fucking saying it.
Fag.
JonesyNot sure that's P.C., but you said it.
Fag got cut in the '80s, and may have cleared waivers, but we all made a gentlemen's agreement not to sign it because of behavior detrimental to the league.
JonesyGotta crack a snappy for the Winstagram, buddy.
Yeah, couple of pickies for the chickies.
JonesyGymstagram, bro.
Instapicks, instachicks.
JonesyGotta provide people with proof you're pressin' pounds, otherwise what's the point? Am I right?
Locked and loaded, bro.
JonesyBring on the gains, boys.
Capital gains, boys.
JonesyCharlotte Gains, bro.
A quick Serge of Gains, bro.
JonesyFocus is?
Traps and tri's buddy.
JonesyTraps and tri's, bro.
We should be ripping sand bell slammers.
JonesyWe should be ripping kettleball sumo deadlifts.
We should be ripping standing V-bar pushdowns.
JonesyWe should be ripping cable hammer curls with rope attachment.
We should be ripping close grip EZ bar curls with band.
JonesyWe should be ripping standing dumbbell reverse spider curls.
We should be ripping two arm barbell wide grip preachers curls.
JonesyLike Arnold, buddy.
Uh-hmmm.
(grunting)
I'm used to you two embarrassing me. I go to bed at night, fucking embarrassing. I get up in the morning, fucking embarrassing. The only time you two have ever humiliated me is when you started spelling. Now, please tell me you put in the work this year.
We always put in the work, coach.
JonesyWe never wanna let you down, or the boys.
But we've been upfront about being dogshit spellers from get go, so
JonesyWe're trying our best, but we're math guys, Coach.
Don't fucking bullshit me.
Okay, if it were a Chel'ing Bee.
JonesyI mean, dogshit spellers, unreal Chel'lers.
This is bullshit, why does Shoresy get credit when we're the chirp kings in this club.
JonesyI know bro, teamwork!
Wanna talk about teamwork, Jonesy? I took your mom to Medieval Times and me and the Green Knight took her down after at Best Western.
Fuck you, Shoresy.
Fuck you, Reilly, I took your Mom the next weekend. Me and the Blue Knight showed her a real sword fight.
JonesyFuck you, Shoresy!
Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom got us banned from Canada's Wonderland for trying to give me a tug on Thunder Run.
Fuck you, Shoresy!
Fuck you, Reilly, I took your mom the weekend before and she asked me to diddle her on Drop Tower.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Letterkenny pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
