A character in Letterkenny
Played by Dylan Playfair
Letterkenny · 57 quotes
Tied for 4th most-quoted character in Letterkenny: in 13 of its 57 quotes
Most scenes with: Jonesy (12), Wayne (2), Daryl (2)
ReillyNice onesie. Does it come in men's?
Oh, I think you cum in men enough for all of us.
ReillyI think you better come in my...I mean, you better come...
I think you better come say that to his face, you fucking hicks!
Nice execution.
You're doin' terrific.
ReillyYou looking for a tilly, buddy? Let's have a donnybrook!
Pump the brakes. You take your shirt off but leave your sunglasses on?
What sort of backwards fucking pageantry is that?
You gonna fight with those shades or play pokerstars.com?
Hold my spitter.
ReillyDude, I can't hold your spitter, you're holding my spitter- just put the spitter down.
Tick tock.
[Jonesy takes off his shirt and puts his hat on backwards]
Go time!
ReillyGo time!
Look at that fucking treasure trail.
What's up with your fucking body hair, big shoots? You look like a 12 year-old Dutch girl. Your aesthetician coiff that for ya?
You can kiss my aesthetician. You guys do Cross-Fit?
You can Cross-fuck off.
Cross-fart. How many times you pulled your horn today, bud?
ReillyWhat?
Aw, she's bashful.
Well, come on kitten, I won't tell anyone. Ballpark, six to eight? You're a fucking animal.
Play a little five-on-one?
Hit the kitchen, mix a batch.
Feed the ducks.
Distribute some free literature.
Reilly. Jonesy. You guys been gettin' a lot of ice time?
ReillyWell, actually…
I'm just kiddin', I don't give a fuck. I stepped down from your old junior team. Turns out the senior team needed a new bench boss. Real work to be done here. Real men. Turns out you guys have been havin' a bit of a cake walk up here, huh? Is that right, Reilly? Eh, a little angel cake? A little angel food cake with a top glaze? Huh? Have your mom mix up the egg whites and the vanilla? Huh? Have your mom cut it with a knife or a small spatula through the batter releasing air bubbles and bake? Light as air? Huh? Virtually fat-free? Fuck you, pheasant!
Come on, man.
Oh, Jonesy's got something to say. What kind of cake are you walkin', huh? A little Lady Baltimore? Huh? A little date and walnut loaf? A little Napoleonshatte?
ReillyCoach, it's not that we're...
Cake walk's over, all right, Johnny Cheechoo and Chuck Huddy? Gonna have the boys tossing up sueys up the middle all night, just tossing up hot suey sauce? You know why? 'Cause you've been skipped leg day! You think you can skirt legs and crack the Czech Extraliga? Huh? You couldn't even crack the HockeyAllsvenska, let alone the Deutsche Eishockey Liga! Fuck! You plugs are gonna learn some jam. It is fuckin' embarrassing!
Any puck bunnies getting in the way of W's come to mind?
I once tongue-kissed a woman in line for the beer gardens at a dragon boat race, after she said she liked my team jacket. But I don't think she was a puck bunny. You little bitch. Yorkie?
I once open-mouth first-based a woman I delivered a gourmet coffee gift card to, after she won at a team fundraiser raffle draw. I don't think she was a puck bunny. Scholtzy?
I once got an over-the-pants handy in the back seat of a Pontiac Bonneville, during a drive-in screening of Slap Shot. But I don't think she was a puck bunny. Pussy. Fisky?
I once got a rig-friggin' gherkin-slurpin' behind a gumball machine at a bubble hockey tournament, but I don't think she was a puck bunny. Boomtown?
I once accidentally shit my pants while masturbating in 2010, when Crosby scored an OT to win gold, while I was simultaneously mid-orgasm. There was no one else there. But don't you think that's a good story?
ReillyRight, I'm just gonna go ahead and spell this right the fuck out for you, boys. The girl that you're all in love with, she's a puck bunny.
Fuck you, Reilly. Fight me, see what happens.
ReillyYeah, what's gonna happen, Shoresy?
Three things, I hit you, you hit the pavement, ambulance hits 60.
ReillyBoys, I wake up in the middle of the night dry-heaving at the amount of bush in this room.
We thought tummy-stick hedgehogs were extinct, boys.
ReillyShave your fuckin' junk hair, boys.
It's disgusting, boys.
ReillyAnd Shorsey is the guiltiest of 'em all!
(farts)
Reilly will be your bush inspector.
ReillyAnd Jonesy will be your associate bush inspector.
ReillyIs that fuckin' joker wearing number 99, bud?
This is our chance to make it up to Gretz, bud.
ReillyHey, 99, you fuckin' loser.
Are you fuckin' serious nines?
ReillyHow dare you wear that number, you piece of shit!
That's the Great One's number, you fuckin' donkey.
ReillyThink you're Gretzky, you piece of shit?
Gretz probably smashed your mom in the '80s, bud.
ReillyI'll get the white tape out and turn those double nines into double zeros. You're a fucking nobody.
Fuckin' serious nines?
ReillyWhen's Mess get here, bud, you're fuckin' hilarious.
When's McSorley get here, you fuckin' plug?
ReillySuck my knob! What a fucking piece of work, bud.
Piece of shit.
ReillyThe fucking audacity.
I haven't smashed a pumpkin on someone's doorstep since grade nine, boys.
ReillyI haven't stuffed an egg up a tailpipe since grade eight, boys.
I haven't silly-stringed a car since grade seven.
ReillyI haven't TP'd a tree since grade six.
Yeah, but do's youse have an ablibi?
We definitely have ablibis.
ReillyI'm glad you asked about ablibi.
We've prepared a PowerPoint presentation.
'ReillySo like, what are we supposed to call you then? Our gay buddies from the gym, or…
We took gay in the expansion draft from you about a hundred years back.
Butch?
Shout out to our sisters in the women's league.
ReillyFruit?
Fruit had a cup of coffee in the show a few decades back, but never really produced for either of us.
Bear?
You guys released bear a while back for under performing and we got her at a friendly price. Been a real stud for us ever since.
ReillyCub?
Cubs been consistent since he put her on line with bear.
Poofter?
Still playing overseas, likely gonna retire there.
ReillyNellie?
Only your grandpa remembers that alumni.
Homo?
Homo maybe in your ring of honor, but never forget the body checks our goons threw down to end that career.
ReillyQueen?
Queen is the best arena music of all time. But still, it's only for some.
Reilly (to Jonesy): I'm not fucking saying it.
Fag.
Not sure that's P.C., but you said it.
Fag got cut in the '80s, and may have cleared waivers, but we all made a gentlemen's agreement not to sign it because of behavior detrimental to the league.
Gotta crack a snappy for the Winstagram, buddy.
ReillyYeah, couple of pickies for the chickies.
Gymstagram, bro.
ReillyInstapicks, instachicks.
Gotta provide people with proof you're pressin' pounds, otherwise what's the point? Am I right?
ReillyLocked and loaded, bro.
Bring on the gains, boys.
ReillyCapital gains, boys.
Charlotte Gains, bro.
ReillyA quick Serge of Gains, bro.
Focus is?
ReillyTraps and tri's buddy.
Traps and tri's, bro.
ReillyWe should be ripping sand bell slammers.
We should be ripping kettleball sumo deadlifts.
ReillyWe should be ripping standing V-bar pushdowns.
We should be ripping cable hammer curls with rope attachment.
ReillyWe should be ripping close grip EZ bar curls with band.
We should be ripping standing dumbbell reverse spider curls.
ReillyWe should be ripping two arm barbell wide grip preachers curls.
Like Arnold, buddy.
ReillyUh-hmmm.
(grunting)
I'm used to you two embarrassing me. I go to bed at night, fucking embarrassing. I get up in the morning, fucking embarrassing. The only time you two have ever humiliated me is when you started spelling. Now, please tell me you put in the work this year.
ReillyWe always put in the work, coach.
We never wanna let you down, or the boys.
ReillyBut we've been upfront about being dogshit spellers from get go, so
We're trying our best, but we're math guys, Coach.
Don't fucking bullshit me.
ReillyOkay, if it were a Chel'ing Bee.
I mean, dogshit spellers, unreal Chel'lers.
ReillyThis is bullshit, why does Shoresy get credit when we're the chirp kings in this club.
I know bro, teamwork!
Wanna talk about teamwork, Jonesy? I took your mom to Medieval Times and me and the Green Knight took her down after at Best Western.
ReillyFuck you, Shoresy.
Fuck you, Reilly, I took your Mom the next weekend. Me and the Blue Knight showed her a real sword fight.
Fuck you, Shoresy!
Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom got us banned from Canada's Wonderland for trying to give me a tug on Thunder Run.
ReillyFuck you, Shoresy!
Fuck you, Reilly, I took your mom the weekend before and she asked me to diddle her on Drop Tower.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Letterkenny pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
