Zari quotes from Legends of Tomorrow

Zari

I have something to tell you.... Hedgehog Day! [Nate stares at her blankly.] Dammit, you told me if I said "Hedgehog Day", you would know what I was talking about.

Nate

You mean Groundhog Day? Why would I tell you to tell me about a Bill Murray movie?

Zari

[frustrated] I don't know. All I know is I'm stuck in this time loop...

Nate

Like Groundhog Day! Okay, got it. Okay.

Zari

You do? [hugs Nate, relieved] And you'll help me figure out what's going on.

Nate

Yeah. That's what friends are for.

Zari

We're friends?

Nate

Of course. So lay it on me. What's happening?

Zari

[emotional] Mick. You don't have to hide what you love. Follow your heart and keep writing.

Sara

Zari! We don't have time for this!

Zari

Nate and Amaya. I'm so lucky to call you guys my friends.

Amaya

Zari, the bomb!

Zari

What you guys have is so... so special. I mean, the way you look at each other... honestly, it makes me wanna puke, but... don't fight it. You're crazy about each other. Just don't have sex on missions.

Ray

Z, what are you doing?

Zari

What you would do, Ray. You know, when I first came on board, you were so nice and polite to me that I wanted to punch you. But I realize now, the world would be a better place if we were all a little more like you. But being nice and polite's only gonna get you so far, so do me a favor and tell Sara why you're so afraid of her.

Ray

Okay. Sure. But first, I wanna figure out how to shut down the force field so we can deal with the bomb.

Zari

I am dealing with the bomb.

Sara

Zari, look, you need to listen to me...

Zari

Sara, you're an infuriating, stubborn, pain in my ass. Because you have to be. You're not just the captain of this ship, you are its soul You are so fierce and unflinching. But why not apply some of that fearlessness to your own life and just ask poor Ava out already?

Zari

I am terrified and in awe of you, Gideon. Who knew you were such an evil genius? And a bit of a perv.

Gideon

You never bothered to ask. It's an impressive piece of software you devised, Miss Tomaz.

Zari

Is that a compliment, Gideon?

Gideon

Don't let it go to your head. Are you ready to wake up now?

Zari

One last question. Gary. Why even have him in the time loop if he was just gonna be stuck in the trash compactor the whole time?

Gideon

Thought it'd be funny. [snaps her fingers]

Amaya

Thank you for helping us. So how do you know Nathaniel?

Wally

I was kinda like his wingman back in Central City. Just... helped him get over a broken heart, actually, because this basic bitch just dumped him on his birthday. [amused] Can you believe that?

Amaya

[hard] Yeah. 'Cause I was actually that basic bitch.

Zari

Great vibe, Wally, I think we can take it from here.

Zari

[walking in with Wally] Which brings us to the kitchen. We divvy up cleaning duties by Ray's chore wheel, which uses a complex system I pretend to not understand until he eventually does my chores for me.

Wally

[looking at the chore wheel] "Wipe down the food fabricator".

Zari

Bet you thought time travel would be seeing Woodstock, saving Shakespeare, and having ethical debates while standing over a baby Hitler. Trust me, it takes time to get used to–

Wally

Cool. So what's next?

Zari

It's gonna take time for me to get used to life with a speedster.

Zari

Wait. So the Mona Lisa was a self-portrait?

Amaya

Da Vinci in drag.

Zari

Wow.

Amaya

There you are, Mick. You ready?

Mick

For what?

Amaya

Training. Do you remember? We spoke about learning to harness the powers of the totem.

Mick

Hmm. I know a neat trick. [extends his index finger] Pull my finger.

Amaya

What?

Mick

Pull my finger. [Amaya reaches for Mick's finger]

Zari

Do not pull his finger. Let's just say hot dogs aren't the only thing he's learned how to light on fire.

Nate

Look, just somebody's gotta say it, so I'm gonna say it–

Zari

This is all our fault.

Nate

Apparently I'm not gonna say it, but... yeah. We let Mallus out.

Mick

Well, whose stupid idea was it to fight him with some... magic necklaces?

Amaya

It wasn't the totems that failed. It was us.

Zari

Yeah, we might want to rethink that whole "We screw up things for the better" motto.

Sara

Hey, Z. If you had to sleep with one, which one would it be?

Zari

How can you even tell them apart?

Ray

Well, Paul is the cute one, George is the quiet one, there's Ringo --

Mick

I never met an Englishman I haven't wanted to punch in the face.

Nate

Relax, Mick. If it wasn't for the British Invasion, there'd be no Rolling Stones, no Led Zep,.... no Black Sabbath.

Mick

Black Sabbath.

Nate

Nope.

Mick

Well, then, we ... we need to protect these mopheads from whatever's screwing up history.

Nate

That's right, Mick.

Zari

I thought that's why we had Constantine.

Sara

Yeah,... about that. Constantine is–

Constantine

[entering the bridge dragging a steamer trunk] –tired, hung over, and in need of a stiff one. Dealer's choice as to what that's a euphemism for.

Zari

Prudence, this is your fairy godmother?

Yes. She protects me.

Sara

By hurting other people.

Fairy Godmother

Not at all. I only want to help little Prudence. For you see,

Ray

Is that music?

Fairy Godmother

[continuing her song]

Mick

Shut up.

Ray

Well, I didn't want her to stop singing.

Zari

Prudence, listen to me. This isn't who you are. You're a good person.

He tried to kill my mother. This town, these people, they've killed so many others already. They deserve to burn.

Zari

And they will pay for their ignorance, but not like that.

Fairy Godmother

How else will they learn, dearie? If these people aren't taught a lesson today, they will go and hurt others for days and years to come. You come from the future. Can you honestly tell this child that the hearts of men change in all that time?

Do they?

Zari

No, they don't. People always fear what they don't understand. And that fear turns them into monsters. But we can't let it turn us into monsters, too. We have to be better than them.

Zari

Hey, you got a minute? I just wanted to say, about the pub–

Constantine

Yeah, yeah yeah yeah. Listen, if you need to have some weepy heart-to-heart end-of-the-mission hugfest where you tell me that my problems are your problems and that happiness is just one friend away and all that bollocks, don't bother, yeah?

Zari

Hey. You don't know me. I wouldn't do that. That would be lame.

So explain to me how this... "magic-ometer" of yours works.

Ray

Oh. Well,--

Mick

It goes "beep" and we kick ass.

Zari

Meaning we investigate each time period.

Constantine

We find the creature.

Sara

We bring it to the Bureau.

Ray

And hopefully learn some life lessons along the way.

Zari

You know, I understand why John is being so colossally stupid, but what's your excuse?

Charlie

I'm dying.

Zari

What?

Charlie

Look, every time I shapeshift, it's like I'm born all over again. But stuck in this body, for the first time in centuries, I'm getting older. But, if John saves Desmond, then he never joins the Legends, and I'm immortal again.

Zari

Let me get this straight. You help John risk a catastrophic rupture to history because you're afraid of aging? Okay. Maybe John succeeds and you go on your immortal merry way. But if he fails, I will personally make sure you spend the rest of your short, dreary, human life in the deepest, darkest prison cell the Bureau has to offer.