Ava Sharpe quotes from Legends of Tomorrow

Ray

[to Agent Sharpe] Lady, why are you so mean?

Sara

Maybe it's that poly-blend pantsuit that's got her so grumpy.

Nate

I didn't know Men's Warehouse gave group discounts.

Ava Sharpe

What's the matter with you people? Do you want to get shot?

Nate

Totally rather get shot than look like a Sears model.

Sharpe

I don't believe the anachronism has been dealt with.

Gideon

Believe it, Agent Sharpe. As I've already communicated to Director Bennett, 1870 Wisconsin is anachronism-free.

Sara

Ah, even our A.I. doesn't like you.

Gideon

I think we can safely say our Time Bureau problem is... Oh, bollocks. Perhaps I spoke too soon.

Sara

What is it?

Gideon

Incoming transmission from Agent Sharpe.

Sara

[sighs] Put her on. [transmission turns on] Oh, hey, Ava. How was your day?

Sharpe

You do realize that little stunt you pulled could have destroyed us both.

Sara

You tried to kill us first.

Sharpe

No, I tried to warn you first. But you don't take warnings, do you?

Sara

Now you're starting to get it.

Sharpe

Well, this isn't a warning, it's a promise. If I ever track you down again, you and your band of idiots will be exiled to the Dawn of Time. Whatever leniency Hunter gave you is over. [ends transmission]

Gideon

What a bitch!

Sara

You took the words right out of my mouth, Gideon.

Sharpe

As far as strategy goes, this would not be my first pick.

Sara

Why not? They welcomed us in, we get Beebo, we get out.

Sharpe

The Bureau has rules about fraternizing with the locals. And these costumes are ridiculous.

Sara

Nah, you look good.

Constantine

There isn't exactly a paint-by-numbers spell for locating a spaceship floating through a temporal stream. My business card says "Master of the Dark Arts", not Doctor bloody what's-his-face.

Ava

Who?

Gary

Who.

Constantine

Exactly.

Nate

Well, I decided to extend my trip to 2018, and I may possibly be living a little bit at the Bureau.

Ava

You couldn't spring for a hotel?

Nate

Well, here's a fun fact about staying in the present: it costs money. And as a Legend, your salary is the... friendships you make along the way.

Ava

Got'cha.

Constantine

So, any idea of what kind of foul beast we're up against, then?

Ava

Well, based on [knowing look to Sara] research Sara and I have been doing, we could be looking for a swampy monster thing.

Sara

According to the timeline, before the end of summer, several kids went missing, never to be seen again.

Constantine

Well, I happen to know a swamp thing. But then again, Maine is way too far north for that muppet.

These are expenses generated by the crew of the Waverider, the tip of the Time Bureau spear. Your "Legends". [Sara comes down from the ceiling, ninja-style.] You said they were worth the additional funding. Let me refer you to some of my favorite line items. One hundred thirty-five million dollars for a new time core. What was wrong with the old one?

Ava

Oh, well, um, Rip blew it up when he sacrificed his life to save the world.

"Sacrifice" is right. 1.7 million dollars for "Historical costumes".

Ava

Mm-hmm. Well, admittedly, their costumes are... flamboyant.

A line item for, and I quote,[turns around; Sara dives to retrieve her shoe and hides just before he turns back.] "Assorted condiments". Assorted.

Ava

No one ever accused the Legends of starving, sir.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were in bed with the Legends. Either that, or this Captain Sara Lance is simply screwing you.

Ava

[laughing nervously] Wha? Screwing me? Sara Lance? What are you... Sir, that is, that is crazy.

Which is what the Pentagon is going to call me unless we find a way to justify these numbers.

Ava

Got it, sir.

Ray

[reading a quiz on the back of a cereal box] "Who is the most prolific serial killer in the United States?"

Ava

Ted Bundy. Although in my opinion, John Wayne Gacy had way more victims than he confessed to. [off everyone's looks] What? Everyone has their hobbies.

Sara

Ava, you are my love. And Mick, you are my family. And it would mean the world to me if both of you would try to get along. [whispers to Ava] Please.

Sara

So, I was thinking... maybe you two could find some common grounds. [Ava chortles] For example, Ava, you love to read. Mick here is an author.

Ava

Oh? Well, that's something. Though I'd be shocked if his novel wasn't sexist and derivative.

Mick

It is.

Sara

Okay. Well, Mick, you love to eat. Ava is a fantastic baker. She makes one mean snickerdoodle.

Mick

Fancy sugar cookies.

Ava

Snickerdoodles are actually completely different. It's a cream of tartar base, but --

Mick

Garbage cookies.

Ava

That's rich, coming from a man who's so lacking in personal hygiene that he had to resort to sleeping with a three-breasted alien sex toy.

Mick

Well, at least Garima isn't a clone.

Ava

[tightly] Only I get to use the C-word.

Sara

Too far, Mick. Too far.

Mick

Why do you get to have a fake girlfriend and I don't? [gets up and starts walking out of the room.] Clone.

Ava

Dick.

Mick

I made snickerdoodles with your recipe. Not bad.

Ava

I'm reading your novel. I'm on the last chapter. Your female characters are shallow, libidinous, and so much fun to read.

Mick

Hmmm. Thanks.

Ava

Yeah, good job, um... "Rebecca Silver"?

Mick

Non de plum.

Ava

Got it. So... let me get this straight. They're making love on the surface of the sun?

Mick

Mmm. It's, um... a metaphor.

Ava

[softly] Got it.

Sara

Look, I've never really thought that much past tomorrow. Ava, with my past, planning anything for the future is just... feels like tempting fate. And I convinced myself that I like it that way. Until you came along.

Ava

You just freaking came to purgatory for me. How's that for giving the middle finger to Fate?

Sara

Ava! You okay?

Ava

It's a long story, but Gary took over the Bureau. He "nip"-notized everyone.

Nate

Yeah, you're gonna have to explain that.

Mick

The germ turned.

Ava

You know what, Gary? It's a little hard to feel sorry for you when you're holding us all hostage.

Gary

You're not getting it. This whole time, Tabitha's been trying to use me to hurt you. All I wished was for us to hang out. I was trying to protect you. I get it, I'm not "cool". But I don't deserve to be treated like a joke. So now, now the joke's on you.

Ava

I am so sorry, Gary. I took you for granted. I never, ever should have let you do my dry cleaning or work overtime without pay. I mean, that's illegal, anyway. I'm so sorry.

Mick

I still want to kill you. [Gary gulps]

Sara

Gary. When Rip first recruited the Legends, he picked the people that were insignificant to history. The original losers. You don't have to be cool to be a Legend. And maybe we forgot that somewhere along the way, but... you are one of us.