DS Matt Devlin quotes from Law &amp; Order: UK

It's an oxymoron.

DS Matt Devlin

No, it's not.

Matty, what are you talking about? Sausages are made from meat, not soya. And they certainly ain't made from vegetables.

DS Matt Devlin

Why should veggies be denied the pleasure of a sausage roll? And let's face it, Ron, [indicates Ronnie's abdomen] it is half the fat.

And half the taste. I'll have you know, I am at the peak of my fitness. Do not let this cuddly exterior fool you, son.

[They both sit down at their desks to eat when they see the rest of the office, including DI Chandler, quietly standing in a group and staring at them.]

DS Matt Devlin

Blimey. Who died?

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DS Matt Devlin

She said she was folding the laundry so carefully she asked her to come and clean her daughters bedroom when she'd done (!)

And?

DS Matt Devlin

Well the laundry in the bin bag? Did that look folded to you?

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DS Matt Devlin

I mean, whoever it was has got to have been covered in blood, not to mention they were carrying a bloody great sword.

Matt. This city is full of people walking around with blinkers on nowadays. Covent Garden is also full of people standing around in gold paint, fire eating or juggling. So, he might not have stood out that much.

DS Matt Devlin

And he's still out there somewhere.

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[The detectives are inside an organic beauty shop. Ronnie is looking at one of the products]

DS Matt Devlin

You gonna buy that?

I wouldn't know whether to wear it or eat it, look.

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You ok?

DS Matt Devlin

Yeah.

Thanks for doing this, Matt. [Alesha squeezes his hand]

DS Matt Devlin

Damaged goods? Well if I'd known that, I'd have told you years about about the day Eamon, my goldfish, died.

You'll be alright.

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DS Matt Devlin

Security cameras are all fakes. They're only there as a deterrent.

This is what you get when you cut corners, gentlemen.

Just come from a budget meeting?

Don't ask. You don't fancy swapping your squad cars for bicycles, do you?

Oh, that would be good. I can see me and (Matt) on a tandem.

DS Matt Devlin

What's new there? You'll be at the back stuffing your face, I'll be at the front doing the leg work, as usual

Wasn't a serious suggestion, boys.

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DS Matt Devlin

I used to go out with a girl from here (a University library) once.

Why's that? Need help with your homework, did you?

DS Matt Devlin

Amanda Teague. We used to meet up after the library closed. Go for a quickie in social sciences.

[aghast] What's the matter with you? This is a place of learning.

DS Matt Devlin

[smiling] We were learning.

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DS Matt Devlin

Mmm, something smells like feet.

I'm broadening your culinary horizons. Welcome to the world of Korean cuisine. Look at that! [Lifts some up]

DS Matt Devlin

It's a claw...

That's an exotic delicacy!

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What happened to the other one?

DS Matt Devlin

Larry, yeah? He got out. His solicitor managed to get the sexual assault charges dismissed.

So he's back spreading the love.

DS Matt Devlin

I guess so. I can introduce you if you like.

Yeah, I think I'll pass. Actually Matt, I need to get a copy of your report.

DS Matt Devlin

You want to check my homework?

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DS Matt Devlin

The shop downstairs is another story, though. Owned by one Sanjit Chatterjee, currently under investigation for unpaid VAT, and selling alcohol without a license. He's already got one failed business under his belt. Declared bankruptcy at the tender age of twenty-five.

So not exactly young entrepreneur of the year.

And he's got a stupid beard.

That's enough for me.

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DS Matt Devlin

Impart some fatherly wisdom, did you, Ron?