DS Joe Hawkins quotes from Law & Order: UK

DS Joe Hawkins

[about a dead body missing its teeth and hands] So no dental records. No fingerprints.

DS Ronnie Brooks

Nice easy one to start you off with.

DS Ronnie Brooks

I'm being down with the kids.

DS Joe Hawkins

... I don't even know where to start with that.

DS Joe Hawkins

Phone is registered to a Ranya Habib, and I've got an address.

DS Ronnie Brooks

Good. How's your Arabic.

DS Joe Hawkins

Ah, [speaks in Arabic]

DS Ronnie Brooks

Blimey, not too shabby.

DS Joe Hawkins

Eh, means "my hovercraft's full of eels". [off Ronnie's look] Muslim lad. Hendon. Big Python fan.

DS Ronnie Brooks

So where are we going?

DS Joe Hawkins

Highgate.

DS Ronnie Brooks

Right. No dead-parrot jokes

DS Ronnie Brooks

[discovering a mini-fridge in a cabinet] Ooh, look at this lot.

DS Joe Hawkins

[teasing] Bit early for lunch, isn't it, Ronnie?

DS Ronnie Brooks

Cheeky.

CPS Prosecutor Kate Barker

I need you to build a case against Yafeu Elsayed.

DS Joe Hawkins

"Oh, hey, Joe. How's it going?" "Not too bad, Kate. What can I do for you?'"

Okay, I fast-tracked that test, and you were right, Ron. There's amniotic fluid in the mattress, so someone's given birth in that room.

DS Ronnie Brooks

Well, that's the source of the blood, then.

DS Joe Hawkins

Ugh. Remind me never to have kids.

DS Ronnie Brooks

It's okay. I've had two. Never felt a thing.

DS Ronnie Brooks

There you go. Bitten by her own sound bite. She's being a plonk and she knows it. Come on.

DS Joe Hawkins

You mean "plonker".

No, DS Hawkins, he means "plonk". "Person of Little Or No Knowledge." It's what his generation called us Dorises before they realized we had brains as well as tits.

DS Ronnie Brooks

Well, I was just saying--

Yeah, I know exactly what you were saying. And fighting knife crime, that's not just a sound bite, not for me. [to Joe] Uh, Joe, could you nip downstairs and get the rest of the eyewitness reports? [to Ronnie] Oh, and when you finish your game of darts, there's a murder of a young woman to solve. [leaves]

DS Joe Hawkins

I like her.