CPS Director George Castle quotes from Law & Order: UK

CPS Director George Castle

We're all liberals until the front garden is invaded, James.

CPS Director George Castle

Well done James, a good result. Go home, have a drink; it's over.

CPS Prosecutor James Steel

For us, maybe.

CPS Prosecutor Alesha Phillips

She's not saying he's insane. She's running non-insane automatism, an involuntary act committed while not conscious of actions taken. Most of Jono's blood relatives are in prison. Her defence is that Jono is genetically predisposed to violent behaviour.

CPS Prosecutor James Steel

[scoffs] Oh, she can't run that. It's outrageous. We'd have every criminal in the country making the same case. What's she playing at?

CPS Director George Castle

"Don't blame me, blame my genes." It's bold, I'll give her that. But let's not panic. No sane judge would let that get beyond a hearing. So, who did we draw?

CPS Prosecutor Alesha Phillips

Uh, Judge DeMarco.

CPS Director George Castle

Oh God, let's panic.

CPS Director George Castle

And I've already organized my replacement. Good man. Very competent. Comes highly recommended.

CPS Prosecutor James Steel

Who is he?

CPS Director George Castle

You, James. Director of C.P.S. London. Just don't get too comfy. I'll be back in a matter of months. And I've already marked the whiskey bottle.

CPS Director George Castle

I never liked the wig. Look like Amy Winehouse.

CPS Prosecutor James Steel

[amused] Uh, trust me, George, you don't.

CPS Prosecutor James Steel

George. [offers a hand to George, who takes it] I'm sorry.

CPS Director George Castle

What for? You've done nothing wrong. A man died. You prosecuted, I defended, the jury decided.

CPS Director George Castle

[about the Director of Public Prosecutions] God, I swear that woman was put on this earth just to irritate my duodenum. Now, whatever it takes, you guarantee that that jury find on manslaughter - diminished responsibility and not murder. I want that girl in a hospital, not a prison.

CPS Prosecutor James Steel

What about the DPP?

CPS Director George Castle

Oh, screw the DPP. I answer to Conor's mother on this one.

CPS Director George Castle

The Home Secretary feels very strongly that we should take the plea. He thinks it'll be a PR disaster if Smith is found "Not Guilty" after a long high-profile trial.

CPS Prosecutor James Steel

And what did you say?

CPS Director George Castle

I told him that it was entirely inappropriate for him to try to influence the prosecution of a high court case.

CPS Prosecutor James Steel

[amused] Go, George.

CPS Director George Castle

Well, I am indeed the man. But we are not operating in a vacuum here, James.

CPS Director George Castle

A young Asian boy is stabbed, nobody seems to care. A pretty white girl is raped, suddenly it's headline news.

CPS Prosecutor James Steel

All we needed was P.T. Barnum and we could have sold tickets.

CPS Director George Castle

Does this look like the face of an optimist? What national football team do I support?

CPS Prosecutor James Steel

Point taken.

CPS Prosecutor James Steel

What do you suggest? Glasgow kiss? [A headbutt]

CPS Director George Castle

Only as a last resort.