A character in Law & Order: UK
Played by Bradley Walsh
Law & Order: UK · 191 quotes
Most-quoted character in Law & Order: UK: in 106 of its 191 quotes
Most scenes with: DS Matt Devlin (45), DI Natalie Chandler (13), DS Sam Casey (10)
Dad was born 1939, Upton Park, East 50
DS Ronnie BrooksAh, so his dad got him into the Hammers
Sorry?
West Ham. Commonly known as the Hammers 'cos they keep getting hammered...
DS Ronnie BrooksWatch it, Sunshine!
If it's not that crew, who else would want to remove a man's kidney?
DS Ronnie BrooksReligious cult?
Nah, they're normally after the heart. That or they rip the eyes out.
[Ronnie stops in his tracks and stares at Matt.]
What? I've read about them. Doesn't mean I'm in one, all right?
And what's the one thing money can't buy?
Love.
DS Ronnie BrooksA kidney on the NHS.
Want us to pick you up anything while we're there (at your flat)? Books, clothes?
Can of beer from the fridge. One kidney. Shouldn't take me that long to get hammered.
DS Ronnie BrooksWe'll get you a milkshake.
DS Ronnie Brooks[searching the council dump] You'd be surprised what people chuck out. That sofa bed in my spare room, for instance.
No. I've slept in that! You said that was from Ikea!
DS Ronnie BrooksWell, it was originally, yeah.
We gave her three ampoules of Naloxone, no response. Convulsions, severe bleeding. Eighteen years old and she died of biventricular heart failure.
Eighteen and she died of a heart attack?
DS Ronnie BrooksWell, that's young. What was it, coke?
Heroin.
Was she a regular user?
No, she was a swallower. That's her bag. We found seventy heroin-filled condoms in her stomach.
DS Ronnie BrooksDid you say seventy? Seven zero?
DS Ronnie BrooksI can't go in that witness box. It's complicated.
You're a copper, Ron. You live for this job, and they could charge you with perverting the course of justice. Be the end of you, mate.
DS Ronnie BrooksI've admitted I've made mistakes, okay? And I've put 'em right. But I'm the best I can be now, Matt, truly, I am. So when do I get a break, eh? When do I get forgiven? I didn't take that heroin. You believe me, don't you?
Of course.
DS Ronnie BrooksMy old man used to say, 'There's no such thing as a friend. Friends will always let you down.' I used to look at him and think, 'What a miserable old bastard.' I'd argue with him and say, 'Dad, you're wrong, mate.' Huh, I'll tell you what, Matty, I bet he's looking down at me now, laughing his head off.
Look, Ron, it gives me no pleasure...
DS Ronnie BrooksJimmy Valentine bought my fish for me today, all right? It felt like he was buying me off.
DS Ronnie BrooksIt's an oxymoron.
No, it's not.
DS Ronnie BrooksMatty, what are you talking about? Sausages are made from meat, not soya. And they certainly ain't made from vegetables.
Why should veggies be denied the pleasure of a sausage roll? And let's face it, Ron, [indicates Ronnie's abdomen] it is half the fat.
DS Ronnie BrooksAnd half the taste. I'll have you know, I am at the peak of my fitness. Do not let this cuddly exterior fool you, son.
[They both sit down at their desks to eat when they see the rest of the office, including DI Chandler, quietly standing in a group and staring at them.]
Blimey. Who died?
She said she was folding the laundry so carefully she asked her to come and clean her daughters bedroom when she'd done (!)
DS Ronnie BrooksAnd?
Well the laundry in the bin bag? Did that look folded to you?
DS Ronnie BrooksHave you got a description for us?
Yeah, um. She was a sort of young Nancy Dell'olio, he was a toned-down Mika.
I mean, whoever it was has got to have been covered in blood, not to mention they were carrying a bloody great sword.
DS Ronnie BrooksMatt. This city is full of people walking around with blinkers on nowadays. Covent Garden is also full of people standing around in gold paint, fire eating or juggling. So, he might not have stood out that much.
And he's still out there somewhere.
[The detectives are inside an organic beauty shop. Ronnie is looking at one of the products]
You gonna buy that?
DS Ronnie BrooksI wouldn't know whether to wear it or eat it, look.
Security cameras are all fakes. They're only there as a deterrent.
This is what you get when you cut corners, gentlemen.
DS Ronnie BrooksJust come from a budget meeting?
Don't ask. You don't fancy swapping your squad cars for bicycles, do you?
DS Ronnie BrooksOh, that would be good. I can see me and (Matt) on a tandem.
What's new there? You'll be at the back stuffing your face, I'll be at the front doing the leg work, as usual
Wasn't a serious suggestion, boys.
I used to go out with a girl from here (a University library) once.
DS Ronnie BrooksWhy's that? Need help with your homework, did you?
Amanda Teague. We used to meet up after the library closed. Go for a quickie in social sciences.
DS Ronnie Brooks[aghast] What's the matter with you? This is a place of learning.
[smiling] We were learning.
DS Matt DevlinJamie Bamber · 62 quotes
CPS Prosecutor James SteelBen Daniels · 32 quotes
CPS Prosecutor Alesha PhillipsFreema Agyeman · 24 quotes
CPS Prosecutor Jake ThorneDominic Rowan · 20 quotes
DI Natalie ChandlerHarriet Walter · 15 quotes
DSDS Sam Casey13 quotes
CPS Director George CastleBill Paterson · 11 quotes
DS Joe HawkinsBen Bailey Smith · 7 quotes
CPS Director Henry SharpePeter Davison · 5 quotes
DWDI Wes Leyton5 quotes
CPS Prosecutor Kate BarkerGeorgia Taylor · 4 quotes
KKayla4 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Law & Order: UK pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.