Mike Logan quotes from Law & Order: Criminal Intent

Logan

He thinks he's in love. Can't say as I blame him.

Capt. Ross

Let me guess. You don't have kids. I have two boys, 14 and 10. If a teacher ever laid a hand on either one of them, I don't care if that teacher's male or female, I'd break 'em in two.

Logan

Sure, as a parent you would, but how about when you were 16?

Logan

O Canada, where the age of consent is 14.

Wheeler

And you know this because...?

Logan

I'm kind of a Canada buff.

Screw you.

Logan

I don't know about you, but I don't go that way.

Logan

Hand me my pants, will you?

Wheeler

Logan, I'm really sorry that--

Logan

Wheeler, two things that I don't need right now. Another fight, or an apology.

Wheeler

If he was seeing someone, the nearest donut theory says she lived near the firehouse.

Logan

The what?

Wheeler

Men are lazy. Even if there's a good meal across town, they'll usually just reach for the nearest donut.

Wheeler

[Reads off the computer] Murdered '94, case cleared two years ago.

Logan

They get a verdict?

Wheeler

No, it's an exceptional clearance. Convict pled out, died last year.

Wheeler

What?

Capt. Ross

Logan, why don't you be his ... old-school buddy.

Logan

Oh yeah, I'm all over this.

Capt. Ross

And Wheeler, play young.

Logan

Looks like they took stuff off the wall just to smash it. 'Give me all your money or I'll bust up your Grammy.'

Wheeler

You'd think they'd take the $4000 microphone.

Wheeler

I dated a recording engineer.

Logan

At least he wasn't a drummer.

Logan

You telling me someone killed him with two punches?

Dr. Rodgers

Exsanguination.

Logan

I love it when you talk Latin, Rodgers.

Wheeler

You're a glass half empty kind of guy, aren't you?

Logan

Depends what's in it, Wheeler.

Logan. How come I never see you with the same partner twice?

Logan

Flaherty and I go way back. To one of the first murders in one of his many bars. Been so many, he probably can't keep track.

We're unlucky.

Logan

Kennedys are unlucky.

He tell you about the cop he shot?

Wheeler

He didn't make an explicit threat we can hold him on.

Logan

You heard him, Wheeler. 'Curtis's death shall be avenged.' You don't call that a threat?

Capt. Ross

Could be, or could be the plot of one of the Mortal Kombat video games he got his name from.

Wheeler

You think all white guys who chew tobacco are buddies?

Logan

In Chelsea? Yeah.

What did the ME say?

Wheeler

Any blow to the spleen would do it.

He was that sick? And she didn't know about it?

Logan

She knew it. Curtis told her. Guys use whatever they have to get over. They have a tragic story, a sickness -- even if they have a dead cat, they'll work it into their rap.

Wheeler

Heartwarming.

You're not in blood with him.

Wheeler

In blood? Like a vendetta?

Older, from the 15th century Code of Lek.

Logan

Not up on that, Wheeler? Goren would've known.