Mike Logan quotes from Law & Order: Criminal Intent

Logan

It's a fluke.

Barek

Mike, you need to see a specialist. I know just the person you need to see.

Logan

That's not ground-up toadstools, is it?

Is calamine lotion.

She has no power of her own. Just tricks. She has to use his belief in her to control him.

Logan

So much for voodoo magic.

Is like any other religion, detective. The magic is in the believers' faith.

Barek

I'm sorry, the warrant's good for any non-traditional medicines or supplements.

No, I need them.

Look, just leave him alone. He's an old man.

Logan

Hey! Hey! You making a move on my partner?

Barek

I think he did.

[Bewildered] No, No, I just--

Logan

You definitely need to be arrested, my friend.

You think the last time was bad, detective? You just wait.

Logan

Well. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you go to jail.

Barek

Faith trumps science. Once again.

Logan

Nothing a little calamine lotion can't fix.

Logan

What, you goin'?

Barek

Yeah. Sleep. Remember?

Logan

You live all the way in Brooklyn. My place is right down the street. [Barek looks at him skeptically] I'll take the couch.

Barek

I don't believe you got a couch that big.

Logan

Yeah. Maybe not. Forget it.

Barek

Go home, Mike. On account you're not in your right head.

It's called Post-Traumatic Stress, Mike.

Logan

I'm so relieved it has a name.

What about your colleagues?

Logan

Oh. Well. They're all very supportive.

What do you want them to do, take a swing at you? Is that why you tried to provoke your partner?

Logan

I killed a cop.

Mike. You have to accept that it's possible to do all the right things and still get a bad result.

Logan

How? How do you accept that?

Foster care stopped sending me boys. There are so many new rules. I was going broke, I... I forgive you.

Logan

What?

Mother forgives you. Can you forgive her?

Logan

I'm sorry, it's not for me to forgive you. You need to tell me what those boys coerced you into.

You can't forgive your own mother? It's the only way you can be happy. Please.

Logan

[pause] Okay. I forgive her.

You don't mean it. You're just saying it...

Logan

I mean it. I've forgiven my mother. Now...

Now? [suddenly cold] Nothing. Lawyer. When you feel ready to face your colleagues behind there, you know, you tell them I want a lawyer.

Logan

Listen, we gotta split the driving, 'cause cabbies make me homicidal.

Wheeler

Good.

Logan

Don't feel we got to make conversation just because we're partners, either.

Wheeler

Ditto.

Wheeler

So you're kind of over the whole excitement over a new partner thing?

Logan

[Deadpan] This is me. Excited.

[Greets Logan] Logan. What, you're covering a road kill? You piss off your new Captain already?

Logan

Working on it. Privera, this is Wheeler. My new, uh, driver.

Capt. Ross

How you two making out?

Logan

We're fine. Never had a partner with freckles before.

Capt. Ross

3 years undercover vice, drugs, white collar. No one ever made her.

Logan

I can believe that. She get carded at bars?

Capt. Ross

I'll tell you the same thing I told her. Don't jump to conclusions about your new partner. And hey, if it doesn't work out, I can always get you Barek back.

Logan

As long as you're here, maybe you can help us out. We're looking for some of your dad's ... we're looking for, ah... Wheeler?

Wheeler

Do you know where you dad kept his homemade porn tapes?